So let me get to the point – Google has an ad for their new Maps app. Let’s take a peak:
Google Maps takes you to Detroit?! That’s what they want to represent?
The Detroit I see in the ad is one I’d like to visit, but three break-ins in three months got me to move out of there. And now the city is as bankrupt as its government officials were when it comes to morals and serving the people.
Nice try at being edgy, Google. If you love downtown so much, why don’t you move your offices from Ann Arbor to the Motor City?
You can’t, eh? Oh. It’s because you’re using Apple Maps.
(via @whereismychair on Twitter. Apparently some douchey teacher always complains about someone taking his chair. In reality, the chair has a life of its own…)
Most of you may not know who The Victorious Secrets are by name, but last year, they won FSN Detroit’s annoying April in the D contest.
To those of you not from “The D,” April is that time of year when three of our Detroit sports teams – Tigers, Red Wings, and Pistons – are supposed to be playing simultaneously… I say that begrudgingly because it requires two of the teams to make it to the playoffs, and only one has… for twenty years! (The Pistons might pull out of their slump next year with the new owner…)
Anyhoopdreams, back to the contest. Last year, The Victorious Secret won with this song:
Then they went on to win FreeCreditScore.com’s similar contest with this ditty:
And now you see them in these national commercials:
I WANT THEM TO COME BACK AND MAKE ANOTHER APRIL IN THE D SONG!
This is the crap that won this year:
They actually use the phrase raise the roof non-ironically…
It’s a sort of situation when you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone. And yes, I’m saying that non-ironically…
This has been pretty much everywhere lately, and I’m fine with it because it’s funny rather than tragic (well, maybe it is tragic). But as it stands, it looks like Detroit is going to get this:
"The Spirit of OCP"
Here’s the catch, though… Robocop was not filmed in Detroit (there are only aerial shots). It takes place in a future hell-hole version of this, um, hell-hole. The Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk comes into play because half of the funding for the strange project ($25,000 of the necessary $50,000) came from a donor out of state. So a movie about Detroit that wasn’t filmed in Detroit is getting a statue in Detroit funded mostly by someone not from Detroit.
To borrow from another 80’s film – if you build it, they will come. I guess. But why quit there?
Here are some other cops that should be memorialized in statue form because their movies took place AND were filmed in Detroit (at least more than aerial shots):
- Nick Tellis (Jason Patric)
The Long Shot
- Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy)
Could Be Likely
- Action Jackson (Carl Weathers)
Build This Instead
How am I supposed to do this…
…is illegal in Michigan now…
…and the crime I want to report is this?!
I actually voted for him... just the first time.
(For more disgraced former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick fun, click here, here, or here.)
Whilst drinking, the mind tends to wander into the realm of good fortunes… and in this case, the good fortunes was a real fortune. As in, What would I do if I won the lottery?
Of course this requires me purchasing a ticket, but I do not take part in the “idiot tax” except maybe once a year.
My first expenditure – producing one of my, um, unproduced scripts (which would be all of them).
My second expenditure – a Major League Soccer team in Detroit.
So what teams have come before? Well, there’s…
So what name could I give my team? What would fit in along with the Tigers and Lions? The Beasts, perhaps?
Should it go along with something mechanical, like the Pistons, or mysterious (?) like the Red Wings?
Or howzabout I just name them after my soccer team?