Hibbidy-Wah?! Run Away From This App!

So let me get to the point – Google has an ad for their new Maps app.  Let’s take a peak:

Google Maps takes you to Detroit?!  That’s what they want to represent?

The Detroit I see in the ad is one I’d like to visit, but three break-ins in three months got me to move out of there.  And now the city is as bankrupt as its government officials were when it comes to morals and serving the people.

Nice try at being edgy, Google.  If you love downtown so much, why don’t you move your offices from Ann Arbor to the Motor City?

You can’t, eh?  Oh.  It’s because you’re using Apple Maps.

In Defense Of… The Victorious Secrets

Most of you may not know who The Victorious Secrets are by name, but last year, they won FSN Detroit’s annoying April in the D contest.

To those of you not from “The D,” April is that time of year when three of our Detroit sports teams – Tigers, Red Wings, and Pistons – are supposed to be playing simultaneously… I say that begrudgingly because it requires two of the teams to make it to the playoffs, and only one has… for twenty years!  (The Pistons might pull out of their slump next year with the new owner…)

Anyhoopdreams, back to the contest.  Last year, The Victorious Secret won with this song:

Then they went on to win FreeCreditScore.com’s similar contest with this ditty:

And now you see them in these national commercials:

I WANT THEM TO COME BACK AND MAKE ANOTHER APRIL IN THE D SONG!

This is the crap that won this year:

They actually use the phrase raise the roof non-ironically…

It’s a sort of situation when you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.  And yes, I’m saying that non-ironically…

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Is Robocop The Right Choice?

This has been pretty much everywhere lately, and I’m fine with it because it’s funny rather than tragic (well, maybe it is tragic).  But as it stands, it looks like Detroit is going to get this:

"The Spirit of OCP"

Here’s the catch, though… Robocop was not filmed in Detroit (there are only aerial shots).  It takes place in a future hell-hole version of this, um, hell-hole. The Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk comes into play because half of the funding for the strange project ($25,000 of the necessary $50,000) came from a donor out of state.  So a movie about Detroit that wasn’t filmed in Detroit is getting a statue in Detroit funded mostly by someone not from Detroit.

To borrow from another 80’s film – if you build it, they will come.  I guess.  But why quit there?

Here are some other cops that should be memorialized in statue form because their movies took place AND were filmed in Detroit (at least more than aerial shots):

  • Nick Tellis (Jason Patric)

The Long Shot

  • Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy)

Could Be Likely

  • Action Jackson (Carl Weathers)

Build This Instead

Drunken Recollection… What Would My Detroit Soccer Team Be Called?

Whilst drinking, the mind tends to wander into the realm of good fortunes… and in this case, the good fortunes was a real fortune.  As in, What would I do if I won the lottery?

Of course this requires me purchasing a ticket,  but I do not take part in the “idiot tax” except maybe once a year.

My first expenditure – producing one of my, um, unproduced scripts (which would be all of them).

My second expenditure – a Major League Soccer team in Detroit.

So what teams have come before?  Well, there’s…

Detroit Wheels

So what name could I give my team?  What would fit in along with the Tigers and Lions?  The Beasts, perhaps?

Should it go along with something mechanical, like the Pistons, or mysterious (?) like the Red Wings?

Or howzabout I just name them after my soccer team?

In My Brain While Sleeping… Battling Princesses

A Princess I Can Get Behind

A Princess I Can Get Behind

Apparently, I’m a thirteen year old girl.  Why else would I have a dream about princesses?  Well, I could understand why I’d have a dream about princesses, but this dream… well, here it goes:

  • There were two Disney-esque princesses – Pink Dress and Light Blue Dress.
  • They were best friends since the were children, and they somehow lived in the same kingdom.  So maybe they weren’t both princesses, but I digress.
  • In their teen years, a rift grew betwixt them (like that verbiage?), and Pink was banished.  Light Blue ruled alone.
  • Pink went away and learned the art of telekinesis*.
  • When she returned to reclaim her position in the kingdom, she used her new power to easily make her way to Light Blue.
  • In the time Pink was gone, Light Blue had built up an army – an army of heavily armed soldiers.  I’m talking like SWAT team style.
  • Pink stood before Light Blue, ready to make peace or make pieces (you see, she had a sword… I should have mentioned that).
  • The soldiers surrounded Pink, ready to fire.
  • Light Blue mocked Pink, stating the futility of her efforts.  She wondered aloud if Pink could stop an onslaught of bullets…
  • Without hesitation, Pink used her telekinesis* to spin the soldiers to face each other and fire.  They dropped like flies.

And I woke up.  At least the princesses were bad asses…

*(What’s the difference between telekinesis and telepathy?  Oh!  Thanks Wikipedia!)

INGREDIENTS: A Tigers win (sniff), a Lions loss (eh), lotsa beer, a couple of burnt hot dogs, and 12 hours sleep.

princess-peach

If you happen to Google Image Search "Princess Peach" or "Princess Toadstool," please enable SafeSearch. You've been warned.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Disney Channel Meets MGM Gambling

I knew that someday the decision (or should I say gamble?) to build this park…

disneymgm

For the longest time, I misread it as "Miggum."

…would one day lead to a synergistic nightmare like this…

suitelife

Gold plaque! Wood grain! It's like they're twins! Fraternal, of course...

Disney’s television productions might not be the most soul-enriching shows in the world, but I never thought I’d see the day that the MGM Grand Casino in Detroit would use such a similar logo to promote a gambling contest.  I mean, kids that still watch The Suite Life of Zack and Cody shouldn’t be cross-marketed to in this fashion.  They are nowhere near old enough to be spending that kind of dough in an adult establishment on their allowances.  I’m not saying I’m against kids partaking in poker, roulette, or craps, but– wait, huh?

They did what?  Disney and MGM are no longer partnered together at the park, and they’ve got a new name?

disneyhollywood

I preferred Phil Collins' idea of redubbing it "Disney's Stu-Stu-Studio."

So, yeah… never mind this InASense, Lost.  Let’s chalk it up to a Coinkydink (coincidence) or a Coinkydonk (on purpose), because sometimes you never know what kind of gambles executives are willing to make.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? The Battle To “Turnover” A New Leaf

An explanation may be required: Coinkydink = Coincidence and Coinkydonk = Not.  Happy now?

newlionsbest

Came in second as the new team logo

The play book that was successful

The play that scored

Today the new and “improved” Detroit Lions make their debut against the Atlanta Falcons in the first game of the preseason.  Considering the Lions haven’t won a game in quiiiiite awhile, do they have it in them to win?

They haven’t won in so long that a play was produced earlier this year in Los Angeles entitled Lions.  Its plot synopsis:

It’s the 2007 NFL season and the Detroit Lions are on a winning streak — unfortunately John Waite is not. With his lifelong friends at The Tenth Ward Club, he places his hopes on his team, and attempts to escape the creeping demise of his city, and of his way of life.

If anyone remembers that season, it’s the one that started with a winning bang (8-0), peaking with the 44-7 win over the Denver Broncos, then ended with only one more win out of the eight remaining games.  And how could you forget a completely winless 2008 season?

Here’s where the Coinkydink or Coinkydonk sneaks in… former Falcon quarterback Michael Vick just signed to play for the Philadelphia Eagles, so he’s back in the news after being released from jail for underground dog fighting and animal abuse.  Both teams have some dark recent history to overcome, and in this game, who will rise to the challenge?

So is it fate?  Or just the luck of the draw?