The Sh– To Super Sh–ty… Britney Spears

We knew this already.  It’s been a long steady fall from Britney Spears being The Shit

A babe in the woods.

…to her more current state of Super Shitty.  I recently saw this video for her 2009 song, Radar, for the first time (I initially thought it was brand new), and was horrified by the horrible extent of its horribleness (the song and the video and the lack of a thesaurus in the writing of this sentence):

It’s good to see at the very least she’s still doing her stupid tongue thing:

(SIDENOTE: It’s not really stupid that thing she does with her tongue.  I bet that’s what’s kept her career alive.  And her big eyes.  Yeah, her big eyes.  And her nice tight smile.)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Namely, Britney’s Dance Moves

To this day, I still have no idea how this video ever got released:

Britney Spears was only 17 at the time, and unless my morals have changed a shit-ton since 1999, having a (slightly) underage girl writhing about in a navel-exposing school uniform seems unlikely to fly today.

Um, guess again... (click image for video)

But that’s not what this post is about.  It’s about Britney’s dancing ability (or declining lack thereof).

Relax Chris Crocker, it's not going to be that bad...

I know she had a bad knee injury in 2004 (only because I looked it up), but the lack of moves in her new video for Hold It Against Me is tantamount to Aretha Franklin trying to dance.

At least in her (last?) video for Womanizer, she had the common sense to appear pretty much naked between dance moves.

Check out her latest, which is probably more about advertisement placement than anything else:

In closing, I guess I’m doing just like she said… I’m Holding It Against Her.

Bonus video after the jump… it’s about her tongue. Read More

Musical Musings… Taylor Swift’s Sk8r Boi

taylor-swift

Taylor Made In Heaven

I might be setting myself up for ridicule here, but I sure do enjoy the lilting voice of Taylor Swift.  (I’ve talked about her before, and thus handed in my man card.)

I enjoy women singers in general, but the ones that write their own material… they really get through to me.  My stonewalled heart crumbles for these ladies, so go ahead and pick away while my guards are down.

On that note (pun!), allow me to get to my latest musing…

While watching the music video for Taylor’s new song, You Belong With Me, I was reminded of another (though not-quite-as-lilting) songstress… Avril Lavigne.  Namely, her tune Sk8r Boi kickflipped into my brain. 

Both songs deal with the same idea of a guy with the wrong girl and the right girl is right in front of you, but at second glance (the visual as opposed to the aural), I was reminded moreso of a different diddy: Girlfriend (which in turn ripped off the Rubinoos’ I Want To Be Your Boyfriend, but I digress).

Both videos feature multiple performances by the singer with different colored hairstyles, and in each video, their alter egos fight over a boy.  (Christina Aguilera did the same thing in her Candyman video, as did Britney Spears in Toxic, although they weren’t competing with themselves.  I think Mariah Carey did it once, too, but that’s where I’m drawing my line of research.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is two things:

  1. I like Taylor Swift’s version of the age old, um, video (because she’s cute).
  2. I’m changing my desktop background to this (because she’s cute):
youbelongwithmonkey

Didn't intend for this image to be so creepy...

sk8rmunki

"I said C U L8R, Avril..." - sk8rmunki (my old desktop background)

A Henchmen Jilts Spotlit(e) Pronto? Sounds About Right

For anyone that cares, Sarah Palin is a GILF that’s now a GILF (if you’re into governors and grandmas, that is).

Bristol Palin gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston on Saturday, according to People Magazine (via AOL News).  The dad, Wrangler Johnston, or whatever blue jeans he’s named after, is probably somewhere with his hand stuck in a pickle jar because his fist is closed around the last dill, and he still hasn’t realized that’s why it’s stuck.

Considering the imaginative names of the Palin brood – Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig – Tripp isn’t that creative.  It’s a verb, for Sarah’s version of Jesus’ sake… not a name.

Anagram for Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston = A Henchmen Jilts Spotlit(e) Pronto

A joke (I made up): 

Hey, what’s that girl’s name over there? 

Who?  Georgia?

No.

Virginia?

No.

Carolina?  Dakota?

Ah, forget it.  I’ll just go over there and Alaska. 

*bad-da-boom-cha!*

What's the difference?

Close enough.

Drunken Recollection… That’s About Right For A Detroit Joint

Last night was a night spent in three four bars, and it kept me sleeping until 5pm today.

Some highlights:

  • First stop was the Bronx Bar, a Detroit hole-in-the-wall down near Wayne State University.  My sisters wanted to visit an old friend.  They chatted while “Poison” played on the jukebox.  BBD’s song, not the group.  “Crazy” also played.  Not Britney Spears… Patsy Cline.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
  • Second stop was the Magic Stick.  There was a concert going on upstairs, so we stayed on the main floor and saw a show of our own.  It probably made as much sense as the punk bands upstairs might, but here’s what it involved: a man with a big beard, a woman with only her bra on, a skinny kid with his shirt off, and another skinny girl holding her bloody nose.  They came out of the bowling area and swept through the place until security escorted them out.  They actually tried to come back later.  We met up with my cousin Liz who was there to see the show on the second floor.  Some of my sisters’ friends that are getting married next year dropped in (congrats again Beth and Ben), and another of Tammie’s friends from grade school was hanging out with his friends (hey P-funk).  A stranger drew pictures of us in green crayon on the back of concert flyers.  My sister, Tammie, ordered some pizza.  I quizzed her on the latest Killers song that was playing.  Becky and I drank 24 oz. beers.  We wondered why the word dapper isn’t used more.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
  • Third stop lead us into Greektown, across from the casino, to The Well.  Tammie’s other old friend, Joe, was down there with his crew.  Some girls were dancing on the bar.  The DJ was right behind us playing T.I.  The area we were in was about 12’x12′.  They flashed the lights at about 1:45am for last call.  We all finished our drinks and headed next door to…
  • The Baltimore, our final stop.  We ran into a family member we haven’t seen for years.  Tears were spilled over some more beers.  Becky took forever putting all our numbers in our cousin’s phone.  The music playing was Journey or some other 80’s band.  A half hour or so later, we all departed into the winter rain.  We bid our farewells and journeyed home.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.

Musical Musings… Annoying Repetition

A Literal EarwormThe posts where I bitch about music never seem to go over too well, but since people aren’t always in the car with me when some annoying song comes on (and I often forget to bring it up later), I now have this forum to gripe.  And gripe I will (my apologies if you don’t care, but press on because you may agree).

The theme for this short list is Annoying Repetition.  Before you get in an uproar saying all music is repetitive, I’m talking more about the hooks that cycle throughout the song and seem to go nowhere fast.  They feel incomplete and prod at the mind and soul and I’m being melodramatic.  Songs can be super-repetitive and work.  Take Green Day’s Brain Stew as a positive example.

But some songs set out to destroy ear drums.  Mobile’s The Killer is the latest entry into the mix, and what ultimately prompted this disdainful account.  (To note: I would have embedded the video if Universal wasn’t a bunch of douchenozzles.)  Aside from the whining, winding musical arrangement, the “yeah-yeah’s” dispersed in the track make me think of Bono on “South Park” as he walks through a poor village singing “hello-hello” and “yeah-yeah” (it’s his special brand of helping).

I know there are other recent examples like Britney Spears’ Womanizer or tATu’s All the Things She Said, but they’re radio pop and to call it crap is an understatement.  On the other hand, these kinds of songs are programmed to be catchy and get stuck in your head, and they do it quite well.  Just the mere mention of the titles might cause earworms.

Before I go, I have two other odd entries: a couple songs of yesteryear that when I catch wind of them, they spiral me into a rage.  One is John Mellencamp’s Wild Night and the other is 24 Gone’s Girl of Colours (video below).  At least Shana Zadrick is in the Coug’s video.  Too bad I didn’t know about her in the 90’s (I was in love with Laetitia Casta at the time.)

Meh Find… Lily Allen’s Womanizer

This one’s not quite so much a Happy Find as Meh Find.  Damn this song for getting stuck in my head in the first place, and damn it again for getting remade into something more tolerable.  It’s like getting a butterknife stuck in my head as opposed to a mace.  (via IDLYITW)

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more about “Meh Find… Lily Allen’s Womanizer“, posted with vodpod