Drunken Recollection…The Mysteries Of Mexico

While on vacation a couple weeks ago in Mehico, I picked up a few things other than the Spanish language (and The Clap… you all know The Clap… it goes with this song:

and… end parenthetical).

Anyquién, I also decided I loathe the above remake, but that’s neither here nor there.  Well, it was there, at the resort, where my dislike upgraded to loathe because they played it every day at the pool.  Now onto the mysteries!

MYSTERY 1) A fair amount of time ago, a friend was telling me about a documentary he watched on Animal Planet or Discovery that was about “cutie fish.”  He told me about how they are amongst the smartest invertebrates, and about their survival methods.  Interesting, thought I, and I preceded to look them up… and found nothing.

In Mexico, some friends went snorkeling and mentioned that they saw “cuttlefish.”  Which look like this:

cuttlefish

Neither a fish, nor cute.

And match the description given by my friend in regard to “cutie fish.”

MYSTERY – SOLVED!

MYSTERY 2) In my relaxing vacational TV viewing, I stumbled across a cartoon featuring a bunch of eggs that were battling, while some eggs were tied to a roller coaster track.  One of them was friends with a strip of bacon, and one guy looked like this:

eggdude

(Not So) Artistic Representation

It didn’t help that it was in Spanish, but I’ve not been able to find anything like it on Google image search.

BONUS MYSTERY: There was some CGI black and white movie that was in English, and it had a fairly intense shower sex scene.  The main character’s name was Don Hudson, and he was being hunted by people the woman he just slept showered with called.  There were reed accents throughout.  Google search?  Nada.

MYSTERIES – UNSOLVED

MYSTERY 3) In other TV viewing, there was some crappy Danny DeVito movie (I found out was entitled, Other People’s Money), and his character’s name was Larry Garfield.  Now that’s not much on its own (although it was weird I had just watched Stand and Deliver and the school it took place at was also named Garfield High School), but after watching Shoot ‘Em Up, I theorized Odie meant “hate.”

Got home and Babel Fished it:

odietranslation

Boo-yah!  Mystery solved!  But a newer mystery remained.  Did Garfield creator Jim Davis name his yellow dog this because his feline star hated him?

Apparently, no:

Odie was based on a car dealership commercial written by Jim Davis, which featured Odie the Village Idiot.  Davis liked the name Odie and decided to use it again.

MYSTERIES – (UNSATISFACTORILY) SOLVED!

MYSTERY 4) Um, Boston Legal was called Justicia Ciega.  What did it translate to?  I figured justicia = legal, but what did ciega mean?  Well on another show or movie (I don’t recall which one), a car accident almost occurred and a woman screamed, “What are you, blind?”  Ciega flashed on the bottom.  Boston Legal = Justicia Ciega = Blind Justice.

MYSTERY – SOLVED!

MYSTERY 5) Why did I spend so much time watching TV?

MYSTERY – UNSOLVED…

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In My Brain While Sleeping… My Job As A David E. Kelley Show

fyvushfinkel

The second job I ever had was at a medical center for a major hospital (my first job was at a toy store).  I worked there just over six years, and the staff saw me through two graduations and a move from Detroit to L.A.  In this dream, I had returned to the facility (which no longer exists in real-life).  It was in the same location but major remodeling updates had occurred, such as having wood floors throughout, an updated kitchen, and forest green walls with better than average art hanging on them.

I remember walking through as if it was filmed, and it felt like a David E. Kelley show (“Boston Legal,” “Ally McBeal,” the awesome “Chicago Hope,” “Picket Fences,” “L.A. Law,” home sex movies with wife Michelle Pfeiffer).

I was the generic perspective guy through whom the viewers relate.  I kept checking out the new looking digs, expecting a big homecoming, trying to run into people that might have remembered me.  I saw a few doctors and medical assistants I knew, but they were busy heading between rooms.  Otherwise, through the back hallways, I encountered new faces that were basically upgrades of people that came before.

The show jumped into action once I reached the front desk where I worked as a customer service rep.  My uncles, Fred and Richard, were doctors for some reason, and Danny Glover (pictured below) was a special guest star.

The scene went like this: Doctor Uncle Fred brought me the billing sheet for one of his patients.  The patient had a co-pay of $5 which my uncle knocked down to $3.  Doctor Uncle Richard stepped in to pay the remainder, to help the guy out.  I guess he was an old friend of the pair that had fallen on hard times.  The man also had his two moppet sons with him.

Danny Glover, a fellow CSR, took issue with it.  “I don’t care if it’s hard times or not!  You have to do what you must!  You stop buying the fancy things you don’t need.  You make bread instead of going out and buying it.  You fish instead of going on vacation!”  After the patient left, someone informed Danny that the man lived in a car with his sons.

Cut to: Fyvush Finkel (pictured above – a Kelley recurring player).  He’s an older doctor that’s just been told his wife of 50 years is leaving him when we meet him.  Also, she’s stolen all his belongings and money.  He clutches a forest green wall in disbelief.  The hallway he’s in seem to converge and narrow as he stumbles down it toward his office.

Cut to: me at the front desk trying to remember how to do things.  When I was there before, it was all on paper.  Now everything was digital.  A patient came in that had a specimen to deliver with a message.  As I looked for the old forms we took messages on, the patient revealed the specimen was anthrax.

Then I woke up.  The end.

INGREDIENTS: Late night Taco Bell run, for sure.

danny_glover

Oh Canadian Hotties! Eh?

This is a list I have been meaning to make for a while.  Presenting Six Reasons Why Canada Rocks!  (Plus Three Honorable Mentions)

sarah-chalkeSarah Chalke (Ottawa, Ontario) – From playing second Becky in “Roseanne” to second fiddle behind JD and Turk’s bromance in “Scrubs,” Ms. Chalke has always held her own against giant personalities and crazy sitcom-uations.  She has a way of pulling off clumsy and sexy in one fell swoop.

 

evangeline-lilly_01Evangeline Lilly (Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta) – I’d like to believe she’s possibly one of the best actresses on this list.  Aside from her Live Links ad, all I have to judge her skills on is “Lost.”  Her character, Kate, is damaged yet strong, worried yet brave, a dreamer yet a realist.  And Evie sells it – hook, line, and underground bunker.

 

elishacuthbertElisha Cuthbert (Calgary, Alberta) – Where in the world has Elisha been?  Since “24,” a minor role in “Old School,” and “The Girl Next Door” (which was awesome BTW), she’s been in schlock like “House of Wax,” “The Quiet,” and “Captivity.”  She returns for Season 7 of “24.”  Hopefully better roles will follow.  (BONUS: check out her appearance on “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!“)

ericaduranceErica Durance (Calgary, Alberta) – Possibly the girl next door to Elisha over in Calgary (I’m imagining Erica was her babysitter), Erica came to my attention when she began her role as Lois Lane in “Smallville.”  Smart, tough, and a looker enough to make Superman forget his childhood sweetheart (see below).  All I know is she can be my Kryptonite any time she likes.  (Also, she makes a more believable Lois than Kate Bosworth did in “Superman Returns.”  Sorry, Kate!)

caroline-dhavernasCaroline Dhavernas (Montreal, Quebec) – Caroline is definitely the dark horse on this list, and that’s mostly because of one thing – not many people know who she is.  Though most of her work is in French Canadian film, I began to appreciate Caroline (pronounced Caro-lean) for her role as Jaye in the underviewed and wonderful, “Wonderfalls” (another of Bryan Fuller’s cancelled projects, along with “Pushing Daisies” and “Dead Like Me”).  She was also in the American films “Breach” and “Hollywoodland,” but I’ve yet to see those movies.

rachel_mcadamsRachel McAdams (London, Ontario) – I fell for Rachel not in “Mean Girls,” not in “Hot Chick,” but in “The Notebook.”  Damn that movie.  One night playing goal in my soccer game, I threw out my back and made the mistake (or divine choice) of putting “The Notebook” in my DVD player before I passed out.  The next day I awakened to realize I couldn’t move, and no one could help me until way later that day, so I was stuck watching “The Notebook” back-to-back-to-back (Ow, my back!)  Looking forward to seeing her in Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes” with Robert Downey, Jr!

HONORABLE MENTIONS

kristin_kreukKristin Kreuk (Vancouver, British Columbia) – From Lana Lang in “Smallville” to Chun-Li in the upcoming “Street Fighter” movie, she’s a small-town cutie that grew into a big city cutie.

 

 

pamandersonPamela Anderson (Ladysmith, British Columbia) – Any list like this has to include the most infamous hot Canadian bacon.  Although I was more fond of her in her “Home Improvement” days.  (A Detroit shout-out to Tim Allen!)

 

 

theshatnerWilliam Shatner (Montreal, Quebec) – The Shat… Mr. King of Canada…   “Twilight Zone,” “Star Trek,” speaking Esperanto in “Incubus,” “TJ Hooker,” “Rescue 911,” “Tek Wars,” Priceline commercials, “Boston Legal,” World of Warcraft commercials… a true national treasure…