Hibbidy-Wah?! 25 Years Passed Again?!

First, I could deal with it when Back to the Future celebrated its 25th Anniversary:

Remember that Saturday Night Live skit where Dana Carvey kept singing, "Gotta go back in time" to Michael J. Fox while they were in an elevator? Yeah, neither do I.

Then it kind of stunned me when I found out Super Mario Bros was also 25 years old (watch the video on the linked site for some digital nostalgia):

Are we sure this wasn't an Atari 7800 game?

And then! I found out Elmo from Sesame Street has been around for a quarter century:

He's the one that's not Grover.

But this was the last straw… the Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle happened 5×5 years ago:

(Bonus Elmo and Ricky Gervais video after the jump) Read More

JusWondering… Which Happened Longer Ago – Star Wars Or Lord Of The Rings?

This originated as a Drunken Recollection, but it was so long ago (or I was so hammered), I don’t recall the events that lead to the discussion.  But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve wanted to map out where other period pieces fell.

So here’s what you get, you lucky bastards:

  • When The Lord of the Rings took place, according to some nerd:

While it’s fiction, Tolkien did leave a telling clue as to his “historic timetable”. Numenor, also called Atlantis, was destroyed about 3000 years before the events of Lord of the Rings. The reference we have in actual historical records about Atlantis date that city at 10,000 BCE. So, the events of the trilogy would have taken place around 7000 BCE, with the fading of magic and the start of the fourth age around that time. (Keep in mind that the Atlantis story itself comes from a single reference in what amounted to a text about political systems).

BTW, BCE is the new PC term for BC (CE is the new AD, I guess).  And since we’re just over 2000 years beyond the nerds estimate, I’m sticking with about 10,000 years ago.

Now as for Star Wars, there is some divide, mostly because people are idiots, and they can’t grasp the concept a long time ago and futuristic technology.

It’s not specified in Earth years, just that it happened “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.” Most of the dates in Star Wars are relative to pivotal battles. The Battle of Yavin is typically used as the starting point. So everything is either BBY (Before Battle of Yavin) or ABY (After Battle of Yavin).

There are two possibilities. The Star Wars universe might be located in a parallel universe and might be taking place in our time. Or if they are in war in our Milky Way Galaxy, the date is most likely the year 3,000. If current technological advances keep up in the rapid pace they are in we will one day live in a Star Wars-like universe, I guarantee it.

That’s a guarantee to put money on.  What a fucking dipshit.  He contradicted himself in his own answer.  In all actuality, I liked this answer the best:


So that got me thinking… what if the Star Wars films really took place in our universe.  Perhaps during the Clone Wars, some Jedi or Sith Lords happened upon or planet, and taught the ancient Egyptians how to build the pyramids?  That would place them at about 5000 years ago.

And maybe what happened in Roswell was a cover up of a long-awaited return visit.

And maybe, just maybe… that’s where the English language came from.

And finally, here’s that period piece map I promised.  Enjoy!

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Filmmaker Chris Columbus

I know he created you, but he also wrote "Christmas with the Kranks"

I know he created you, but he also wrote "Christmas with the Kranks"

As a child, my list of favorite films was simple and current.  There were the easy ones: Star Wars, E.T., Back to the Future, and Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Some of the others… not so easy: Gremlins, The Goonies, and Adventures in Babysitting.

What do those works have in common?

Who has two thumbs and loves Beth Cooper? Not too many movie goers, I'd say.

Who has two thumbs and loves Beth Cooper? Not too many movie goers, I'd say.

Steven Spielberg’s protégè, nay, discovery (hah!),  Chris Columbus wrote Gremlins and The Goonies, and directed Adventures in Babysitting.  For me, he could do no wrong, and let’s be honest: as kids, our taste is horrible.  But I feel all three of these films have stood the test of time.  Some of his other works?  Eh, not so much:

  • Young Sherlock Holmes (noted as the first film with an entirely CG character)
  • Heartbreak Hotel (a kid kidnaps Elvis… anyone else but me remember this?)
  • Only the Lonely (made me thankful I wasn’t a mama’s boy… sorry mama)

Now grant it – he had other hits through the 90’s: Home Alone 1 & 2, Mrs. Doubtfire, and, um, Nine Months?  Jingle All the Way?  Stepmom?  Bicentennial Man?

And to most Potter fans, he directed the weakest films in the series (Harry Potter and the Stuff in the First Movie and Harry Potter Rides Again), but I don’t watch those films, so I don’t hold it against him.

Like his compatriots I will be attacking in future The Shit to Just Shitty’s, it’s about the fall from what imagination, vision, and drive they once exhibited, to the money grubbing, the disillusionment, or the detachment from the public they display in recent works.  Is it the state of the studio system?  Is it the movie going public’s demands?  I offer no answers, only martyrs.

Here’s hoping *hold your breath* *cross your fingers* Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (that’s the title folks), contains some of the gritty charm of his earlier works, and not the glossy finish of his latest offerings:

Hrm.  Looks glossy…

Happy Find… Robot Party Because The Humans Are Dead?

In honor, anticipation, and fear of desperate loathing for next week’s release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, here are some of the film’s stars in what could quite possibly be the best robot song ever…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Happy Find… Robot Party“, posted with vodpod


Well, maybe that’s the second best.  You be the judge.

(There are more tags than words in this post.  Hee hee!)

Happy Find… How To Dance: The Final Chapter

I think my brain melted over the weekend. 

During my marathon of a certain horror film series that gets its reboot this Valentine’s Day weekend, I stumbled across a particular scene in The Final Chapter (not really) of Friday the 13th that I had seen once before.  While working on an older post about Back to the Future’s Crispin Glover, I had played through some videos of his career and life missteps.  This is one glaring example of a misstep if I ever saw one:

Crispin In The Sun With Toonces!

I have known a few people through the years that have done things that some people may see as odd, such as wearing leather chaps to a co-ed softball game while covered in peanut butter, or making artwork out of animal intestines. 

Okay, actually, they are odd, but some people find that off-putting.  For me, these people are the spice of life (the off-the-cuff kind of spice you’d find at CVS or Aldi’s).  They’re a modern performance artist, in my opinion, and I can say I’m not too different (see the new #7 on my Fact Sheet).  Or they’re completely batshit crazy, but who cares?

Crispin Glover may be a genius or a nutjob (the separtion between the two is a thin line, and we’re not talking cocaine here… or are we?)  Check out Screen Junkies’ list of his “9 Most Bizarre Moments.”

Here’s a sneak peek at #8:

BONUS: Toonces Without a Cause: