Happy Find… The Legend Of Korra Preview

I.

Can’t.

Wait.

(Even though I have to.  Until when?  Maybe next year???)

(SIDENOTE: I think it’s kind of stupid that they can’t use Avatar in their title anymore because of the dumb tail-fucking blue people.  Avatar: The Last Airbender used it first!)

Maybe if I freeze myself, I can get to see Legend of Korra that much quicker…

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Or Lack Of Creative Talent?

This show looks like garbage, me thinks.  It starts this fall on CBS, which in this case literally means C-B-S:

To me, The Defenders looks like Boston Legal Lite, minus the charm, creativity, excellent writing, and sublime casting.  I’ll always have a soft spot for Jerry O’Connell for being in Stand By Me, My Secret Identity, and Rebecca Romijn, and I’ll even give props to Jim Belushi for The Principal, but I could probably live without ever seeing either one of them in anything ever again.

May this show slip away quickly like my money at a craps table.

Now onto other items lacking in creativity…

I thought The Oatmeal made a funny observation about the similarities between James Cameron’s Avatar and his Aliens:

(click image for full comparison)

(BONUS! Did Chistopher Nolan’s Inception rip off Scrooge McDuck?)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… M. Night Shyamalan, Officially

"Howdy ho! My new movie is out! You should go see it!"

I. Am. So. So. Sad.

I love Nickelodeon’s Avatar: The Last Airbender so much that if I knew the TV show in person, I would tell it I lurve it.  (I have a very difficult time saying those three little words.)

So in the case of the film, I had high hopes.  I mean, how could anybody screw it up?  There’s enough material to reference, enough characterization and plot to build on, only a hack could fuck it up.

M. Night Shyamalan officially became a hack.  In other words, he was once The Shit and now he’s plain ol’ Just Shitty.  Could we (or namely, I) have seen the Signs?  Let’s take a quick peek at his past work… from my perspective, of course.

  • Wide Awake (1998)

Nobody knows anything about this film.  And by nobody, I mean me.  I heard decent things about it at the time, but I never saw it.  Probably because this was the poster:

Rosie O'Donnell as a nun that likes baseball? No thanks.

  • The Sixth Sense (1999)

I was backpacking in Europe when this movie was released (douchebagging), and on a weekly basis, I was surprised at its success back home.  (I learned this from newspapers… remember those?)  So upon getting back to the States, I made it a point to check this flick out, full well knowing there was a twist, but not yet knowing what it was.

While the ending approached, I remember thinking:

Hmm.  This was pretty good, but not great.  Did I miss the twist?

When the ring dropped on the floor, I put it together myself (and then the film needlessly did the same).  I was entertained and mildly impressed, until I saw this article on Cracked.  Did you know there was an episode of Nickelodeon’s Are You Afraid of the Dark? that was pretty damn close to the Academy Award-nominated story?  But it’s not like Shyamalan ever watched the kids channel, right?

  • Unbreakable (2000)

I lurved this film.  More than everyone else loved The Sixth Sense, even.  And why?  I’ve always believed that if someone ever figured out how to be a superhero (or villain), someone else would figure out how to be the opposite.  It’s a theme that’s been explored by The Incredibles and The Dark Knight, and this movie swam through the motif like a motif-swimming sea animal.

The pacing was great; the framing of the scene where Bruce Willis’ son pulls a gun on him was fantastic.  Could the end result merely be because a thin Twilight Zone premise had to be stretched out into a longer format?  Discuss.

For the record, though, I still lurve this movie.  Maybe a re-watch is required.

  • Signs (2002)

A movie about crop circles and the inevitable alien invasion could have been good.  Hell, there are even parts in this flick that could qualify as memorable, well-executed scenes (the figure on top of the barn, the birthday video, the basement sequence).  But one could argue that the first half of X-Men: The Last Stand had its moments, and that still wouldn’t make the overall project a win.  The same thing goes for Signs.  Everything it was working for was unraveled in its last minutes (just like fucking LOST), and it ultimately left a bad taste in my mouth.  Does anybody have a glass of water, by chance?

(SIDENOTE: I would have fixed the finale by never showing the alien.  I would have had Mel Gibson facing the creature off-screen, and only shown it in the reflection on the TV, and maybe in a quick flash.  Seeing the “man in an alien costume” and the entire “swing away” bullshit was stupid and lazy, simply put.)

  • The Village (2004)

A lot of people absolutely hated this movie.  It was also one of the first movies I lost a shit-ton of money on in the Hollywood Stock Exchange. I was in the minority of people who didn’t mind it.  There’s a story I’ve always wanted to write that’s not too far off this premise (no monsters in mine, thank you), so that upset me.  And by the time Shyamalan popped up in the twist ending, I was with the majority of people who thought

Lame!

But I’ll admit that it tricked me.  People that saw it before me told me it was more of a romantic story than a supernatural thriller, so when the creatures showed up, I was suspicious.  They were revealed as fake, and I felt vindicated.  Then there was a chance they were real, and I bit.  All-in-all, hardly a classic, but hardly his worst.

  • Lady in the Water (2006)

His worst, on so many levels… I don’t know where to begin.  That was at least until…

  • The Happening (2008)

I saw this movie, too.  This had to be his worst, right?  Wrong again.

  • The Last Airbender (2010)

Why did they let him touch this beloved, though not widely known, series?

I’m beginning to think that M. Night Shyamalan shares the same gift as the Detroit Lions.  They are both incredibly adept at getting your hopes up and getting you to continue believing in them.  And that’s the greatest twist of all – the one you feel in your nutsack when they disappoint yet again.

(SIDENOTE: I really do think the Detroit Lions have a decent shot at being good this year.)

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? “The Weaver” In Action

When I used to work at the video store, one of my friends there introduced me to the idea of “The Weaver.”  His definition:

Some actresses look really hot in some movies, and not so much in others… just like Sigourney Weaver.  Hence, ‘The Weaver.’

She hasn’t been around for a while (aside from doing voices in animated films).  Scratch that.  She did three movies in 2008 (Baby Mama, Vantage Point, Be Kind Rewind), but I barely remembered her being in them.

But my point is this – throughout her history in film, sometimes she looked better than others.  To begin, I reference her duality in Avatar:

Why so blue?

In the film, her character even made a reference to her cartoon self looking “hotter” than her actual self.  Rather than me inputting my opinions (not like I ever do this), here are images of some of her major roles.  You can decide which side of The Weaver scale she falls.  (Not included below: Half Moon Junction, because of these NSFW results.)

Alien - Aliens - Alien 3 - Alien Resurrection

The Year of Living Dangerously

Ghostbusters 1 and 2

Gorillas in the Mist: The Story of Dian Fossey

Working Girl

Dave

Galaxy Quest

Heartbreakers

Holes

The Village

Others that fall victim to The Weaver:

Cameron Diaz - Renee Zellweger - Reese Witherspoon

Happy Find… The Last Airbender Preview

I don’t have anything else to say.

I just really cannot wait for this movie.

I drool in anticipation.  (<— I was going to go with a few options other than drool, but they bordered on inappropriate.)

The Nickelodeon cartoon this adaptation is based on is one of the best I’ve fully enjoyed, and it’s a shame James Cameron beat M. Night Shyamalan to the film naming pool.  (The show was on in 2005.  But I guess Titanic earns you more weight for that cannonball than The Happening.)

Anywind, Aang is the Avatar.  Fuck Jake Sully.

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InASense, Lost… Zordon Is A Racist

This has popped up on more than a few of the other websites I frequent, and I’ve watched it every time.  I didn’t expect much from a simple, outdated premise, but it still makes me laugh.

I mean, the blatant racism disturbs me deeply.

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BONUS HIDDEN RACISM: This perfectly explains “the underwhelming meh” I felt after watching Avatar.

Drunken Recollection… Video Games Look Better Than Movies These Days

While kicking back brews and shooting the breeze with my pals, the glow of the TV showing whatever game we’re interested in holds our gaze.  And that’s what it’s all about with us men, so they say.  We’re “visual creatures” allegedly.  Our eyes are too big for our stomachs, and our stomachs are the way to our hearts.  Wait, I got off topic…

Oh, yeah.  During said television events, especially of late, companies have been promoting the hell out of two video games: Left 4 Dead 2 and Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City.

And all I think upon watching these previews is how much more like movies video games are becoming.  I have Unchartered 2: Among Thieves and it’s better than any action picture I’ve seen in a long time (The Dark Knight notwithstanding), and it makes me laugh…

Haven’t we as a public (well I know I have) been bitching about how much movies are starting to look like video games?  I could give two shiitake mushrooms about James Cameron’s Avatar or Robert Zemekis’ A Christmas Carol*, and they’re really no different from the games.  Except for the fact that I partake in one and watch the other… Hmm…

Perhaps men aren’t just “visual creatures” after all… We’re touchy, too.

*I do want to see 2012, and it’s as heavy a CG feast as Avatar.