Metro PCS is to all the other cell phone companies like a hot dog vendor is to chain restaurants. It’s cheap, and if you need it, it’s food a phone.
For their latest ad campaign, they feature a very annoying song (as opposed to racist caricatures*) that for some reason is seeping into the part of my brain that likes hot dogs from street vendors… wait, that doesn’t sound right.
*If you don’t remember…
Luckily, I have a DVR. But sometimes, I catch commercials anyway. These two drive me up the wall when I see them. I’ll try to explain why in a minute:
Wanna know the simplest reason? They’re not marketed to me. Not in the slightest.
The Citi Thank You Premier credit card spot called Accessories plays up the angle that women usually buy things like belts, nylons, and shoes… except in this case, these “accessories” are climbing gear. And the “rock” she wants isn’t in a ring – it’s in a canyon. You might think the unconventional lady stuff is what annoys me, but it’s not. It’s the rock climbing! I don’t see the purpose! She gets to the top, and then what? You climb back down? No Thank You, Citi.
As for the iPhone campaign, sometimes they hit. This teen-targeted one is a miss. To begin, I hate Siri. She’s virtual and virtually useless. To continue, when the kid says “I got to get a guitar,” Siri pulls up this screen:
First surprise - Siri worked?!
Where in the world are there twelve musical stores that close to you?! Call this one rock bottom.
(SIDENOTE: Here’s a crazy Reese’s Pieces advertisement in the style of crazy Skittles commercials that erases the above two migraine-inducers…)
How bad would it feel to go from having a great guest spot as rapper Lil’ Kev on a popular TV show like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia:
To having your voice over dubbed (or playing a voice actor’s body) in this TurboTax commercial:
Just Shitty, I’d imagine. But compared to these other shittier commercials, this one is The Shit.
DUMB AS SHIT
Airborne Effervescent Tablets not only rip-off an old special effect from a 1992 movie, it contains one of the dumbest looking and sounding animated spokescharacters I’ve ever seen. Mix that with the lawsuit Airborne faced a couple years ago regarding misleading advertising, and it wins being Dumb as Shit. (I was going to make an inappropriate comment about the tablets not giving the woman her boobs back, but I opted not to.)
ANNOYING AS SHIT
I like the J. Geils Band, and I’m sure that Energizer Lithium Batteries work great, but the version of the music used in this ad drives me up the wall. It butchers the hook, and keeps going and going and going…
CRAPPY AS SHIT
Happy’s Pizza is a local pizzeria (natch), and this is the commercial they ran around Halloween last year. I’ve written about how poor their ad department is before, but this one takes the cake pizza pie.
Here’s this guy in that shirt:
Here’s me in that shirt:
I look badass. I look like a watermelon samurai...
This MF’n FM commercial drives me almost up the wall when I’m driving. I’ve been trying to record it to share with the masses for a while now, but I’ve finally caught it and bottled it up to torture you. I missed the first oolong, but I certainly got the rest, as well as all the goji pears, if that’s how you even spell it.
Fuck you, Sobe. Fuck you hard. Except for this. This you did all right.
(SIDENOTE: I know Piccolo’s name is not Goji Pear, but Oolong is definitely right.)
Christmas time is here, and so are mother fucking annoying commercials.
To begrudgingly begin, this ad from Verizon is way more annoying in its condensed radio form, but you can get the gist of it from this tube promo. Whoever thought of taking Madness’ Our House and turning it into a hybrid holiday ditty featuring British-sounding hooligans should be run over by Santa’s sleigh. That rusty ol’ magical blade right over their carotid artery would make my mistletoes tingle:
This one isn’t as holiday apparent, but it’s still hawking phones. Who gives telecommunication devices as gifts? Who puts some song that sounds like it’s sung by Lisa Simpson in their ad?
This one is off the radio, and it boils my blood like I’d been in a microwave. It makes absolutely no sense, because not one bit of it ties together. I’m sorry that I can’t get any angrier. I feel dead inside:
I also wanted to mention that although I don’t mind Doug Benson most of the time, commercials for his new show, The Benson Interruption, drive me up the wall. There are no videos online for me to share, so I made this instead:
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 