Happy Find… Cute Things Exploding
Need there be anymore explanation than the title?
Okay, so the last thing wasn’t so cute. For more, check out Cute Things Exploding’s YouTube channel.
(via AOTS)
InASense, Lost… Poland? More Like Death Metal And Sexy Naked Lady Land
I’m a Polack. Or I’m Polandese, or Polandan… whatever it’s called.
And having never been there, I would assume my fellow Polanders would be mild and meek. Based upon the symphonic blackened death metal band (yes, that’s their description) from Poland, Vesania, I might have made a dupa of u and me.
Well, then at least their wholesome, right Joanna Krupa? You can barely Google her and not find her bare somewhere. (Not that I’m complaining.)
(SIDEJOKE: How many poles does it take to hold up a Pole that gets naked for PETA? Answer in image below.)
Oh, that's not a pole holding her up. My bad.
(BONUS UNNECESSARY PUN: I’m gonna go Polish one off now.)
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? The Sean Bean Effect
Should it be pronounced Shawn Bawn?
There’s a common misconception on the TripleDoubleU about Actor! Sean Bean:
He dies in like 85% of his movies!
Another misconception - this is his brother.
The fact of the matter (according to my limited research) is that he’s died in hardly any of his films:
- Patriot Games
- GoldenEye
- Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
- Equilibrium
- The Hitcher
I believe it’s the 1-2-3 punch of his higher profile roles leading up to LOTR. Not many knew who he was when he played the bad guy in the second Jack Ryan film, but that lead to him getting recognized as Agent 006 in the successful James Bond reboot, and then of course, Boromir – the most noble of his deaths. And the seed was officially planted.
There are plenty of Actors! that have died more in the movies (Robert DeNiro has 14 times, Bruce Willis has 11, Johnny Depp has 9 1/2… the article that explains the 1/2, and lists more can be found here).
The Sean Bean Effect is alive and well for those guys, and he may one day catch up and surpass them, but what about Actors! that die in television shows?
I’m going to name that effect after this guy:
Jeffrey Dean Morgan, of the Jeffrey Dean Morgan Effect
Not only did Jeffery Dean Morgan have high-profile deaths in Watchmen and P.S. I Love You, he died or was dead or was a ghost in these shows:
- Weeds
- Supernatural
- Grey’s Anatomy
(BONUS: A victim of both The SB and JDM Effects – Alan Tudyk. He played Wash in the awesome show Firefly, and died in the theatrically released Serenity. He also died in the reboot of V.)
He did not die in Dodgeball.
Hibbidy-Wah?! Joe’s Crab Sh–?
This is an old commercial, but it’s new to me, which is surprising considering the amount of television I watch. But then again, I do skip the bulk of advertisements courtesy of a few select buttons on my DVR remote, so there’s that.
The moral of the story is this: If I ate seafood, the above video would make me want to Eat at Joe’s™. If only Taco Bell could push the boundaries and think outside the bun™ box, then I’d oblige.
(BONUS: To clean your palette of foul mouthery, here’s a commercial full of faces that make me smile…)
In My Brain While Sleeping… A Two-Headed Telepathic Gorilla, For Starters
Ever have the woman you love turned into a cougar jaguar?
Not this kind of jaguar, but I wish.
And on top of that, she couldn’t understand you (and of course, you couldn’t understand her), so then you had to employ this guy:
"A GoGorilla"
A double-noggined telepathic silverback gorilla that could speak English in my brain while sleeping. He would pluck my thoughts and put them in my lady, and vice versa.
(SIDENOTE: Apparently he could speak jaguar… or he was pulling a fast one on me, because the thing is that no matter what my girlfriend said through Mr. DeBergerac, she still acted an awful lot like a jaguar. Especially when we were alone together and she’d try to kill and eat me.)
So in honor of my lady-love, here’s a long distance dedication:
No wait, that’s a panther! I’m sorry honey! I’ll never look at another black cat!
I mean after her...
Drunken Recollection… Other People’s Drunken Recollections
Some pals o’ mine and I were out at the bar, and they got into reminiscing about their old school teachers and the affairs they had (that the teachers had… and not with the friends, but with each other).
Anyqui, apparently this existed:
(via Ridiculous Thoughts)
As well as this:
(Barbapapa’s home page)
For the record, neither of these friends are French (although my buddy at work is).
I merely drank my Guinness and drowned in the sense of nostalgia. Mostly because they also introduced me to her:
The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… De-Evolution Of The Bar Scene, Explained By John Travolta’s Movie Choices
(UPDATE: I feel like I shortchanged the comparison. See the nickel’s worth improvement below.)
From Night Clubs to Sports Pubs to Corner Bars
The older you get, the more your tastes change. Whereas you once lived and breathed for laser lights, booming bass, and whatever is in those smoke machines (I like to imagine nerdy children are in the basement clapping erasers in front of fans), one day you couldn’t.
So then you hit up the deal bars (the theme bars, chain restaurants, and sports pubs) because it was still counted as “going out” and “being social” and you were still “getting yo’ drink on” (does anyone say that anymore?), but then it was too far to travel.
So then you just go to the bar closest to home. You know… those places where the nicotine absorbed by the ceilings and the walls are the only things holding it together.
Here’s a brief history of John Travolta film options that illustrate the de-evolution of the bar scene the older we get:
From Saturday Night Fever to Look Who's Talking to Wild Hogs
Saturday Night Club Fever – There are no limits to the unexplained popularity of something that’s not quite so good.
Look Who’s Talking On The TV – The possibility that you are dancing at a sports bar is directly proportionate to the possibility that a baby thinks in Bruce Willis’ voice. Also relatable – beer prices and John Travolta’s paycheck.
Swill’d Hogs – Ever hear of the phrase, phoning it in when referring to something that’s easy? Well, walking to the corner tavern and starring in a lame film are synonyms. If phrases can have synonyms…
Musical Musings… You Just Don’t Hear These Songs Enough Me Thinks
Without further adieu, and with only one more misused French word, here are some songs I liked at one point, but that don’t really hit the radio playlists anymore. Do I still enjoy them? I don’t really non.
JusWondering… When’s The Last Time I Paid For Any Of These Things?
It recently occurred to me that I haven’t paid for a few of these things in awhile:
1) PAPER
What's worse - paper cuts or cut-offs? Discuss.
As an almost life-long writer (though you may not be able to tell by the crappiness that is this site), I’ve needed to print up many an item. This never happens at home. Or at Kinko’s. Or at my ma’s. I will not state where I do my printing, as not to indict myself.
2) BATTERIES
These, I might buy.
Batteries are required for only a few things in my home – my wireless keyboard and mouse, my remote controls, my thermostat, and my Wiimotes. I don’t buy batteries. I switch them around as needed (thermostat gets the highest priority ‘natch, followed by the remote controls). I will not disclose my power source.
3) BLANK RECORDABLE MEDIA
Hey kids! These are fun to put in microwaves!
This is more of a situation dealing with a change in times. I used to go through blank CD’s like Mountain Dew, until I got my iPod. And jump drives and portable external hard drives have eliminated my lust for blank DVD’s. But still, even when I regularly used them, guess what? I never bought them.
4) “REDACTED”
How'd I miss this pic?
I mean pictures, of course. I used to have to “take pictures,” but now I can just take pictures. Geez. Don’t judge me just because the internet is full of REDACTED.
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