Awful Battle… Food Movie Titles

Is it fair to call this an Awful Battle?  It’s more fair than calling it an Awesome Battle, because let’s be honest… there are a lot more awful films named after food than awesome ones.

So whether the movie is named after one general food (Meatballs, Bananas, Three Musketeers – a stretch, I know), a specific food (Home Fries, Good Burger, Mixed Nuts), the fact it’s a film and not food being explained in the title (Hamburger: The Motion Picture, Hot Dog… The Movie), certain people around food (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Children of the Corn), or places named after or serving food (Hamburger Hill, Mystic Pizza), they are on this list.

Did I miss any?  Feel free to comment below.

InASense, Lost… Everybody’s Seen The Smoking Baby, So Here’s Other Stuff (And The Smoking Baby)

The smoking baby from Indonesia may not be the first of his kind, but he’s definitely getting David After Dentist level of media attention.

In case you have (somehow) missed it, the video (via Break) is… moved to after the jump due to auto-starting issues.

(SIDENOTE: I would have went with a YouTube video, but you can’t trust any of those to stay.  So now I’ll imagine you skipped ahead to the bottom of the page, or clicked on the above link, and I’ll be moving on.)

If you think that’s scary, then you haven’t seen this (via Cooley!):

From "Inappropriate Golden Books: Movies R Fun!"

Hmm, not working, eh?  Perchance a toy of Bat Boy might throw you for a loop (via Comics Alliance)?

I wasn't aware he wore cut-off jean shorts.

One more thing and I give up.  How about another misappropriation of a teddy bear? This time, it’s in robot form from Fujitsu (via Crunch Gear):

Hrm… That’s all I got.

Smoking baby after the jump! Read More

Drunken Recollection… A New Phrase For You – “Map In The Ass”

No relation to Gooding, Jr.

This has to be one of the best bar stories of all time, and my apologies if I don’t get this right.

Dakota (a friend of mine) knew this kid that claimed his father was a pilot during the Bay of Pigs invasion.  Part one of his story:

My dad was called to active duty and was ordered to fly to Playa Girón to drop some bombs on Cuba.  But the thing was… he wasn’t allowed to bring a map.  But he really needed a map, so he hid it in his butt.

He couldn’t bring a map of Cuba to Cuba in case he was caught going to the place he had a map of how to get to?  Moving on to paht two:

So as my dad was closing in on his target, hand ready to pull the lever, a call came in over his radio… ”Tahm, don’t drop tha bahms!’  It was President Kennedy!

So according to this kid, not only was his father one of the very few Americans involved in the invasion, but JFK was on a first name basis with him.

Hence the new phrase for you – “map in the ass.”  It’s code for “a lie pulled out of your ass.”

Tah dah!

Another item of discussion – what is the layout of the office on The Office?

This is the best version I’ve found online (and it’s not 100% up-to-date):

Does Vance Refrigeration use its lease space as effectively?

Here’s the map I pulled out of my ass:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

Happy Finds… SNL Skits (And Tina Fey Bits) You May Not Have Seen

This is partly out of boredom at work (okay, it’s mostly out of boredom at work).

You see, my boss Paul (and friend – he’s definitely friendly today) once told me about an old Saturday Night Live sketch that involved Will Ferrell fighting a monkey.  It sounded hilarious, but I could never find it online.

Today, we searched.  We found.  We laughed.  I share.

Okay, so I don't share right away. It auto-played, so I moved the video to after the jump.

So I started poking around the TripleDoubleU for more random skits, and I found this unfamiliar character, The Falconer.  It’s funny despite itself…

I put his video after the jump so Will Ferrell wouldn't be alone...

Then this last bit isn’t the complete sketch.  Apparently, it was cut from the actual taping, but I caught a hint of it during the SNL special about the last decade of the show.  If you like Tina Fey, you may be sad this sketch didn’t make it to air.  If you like like Tina Fey, you will be sad.  Thank Hulu for YouTube!

(Videos on next page) Read More

A Handful Of… Songs That Have Made Me, Um, Cry

This idea occurred to me after seeing whatever commercial uses Gene Wilder singing Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  (To be fair, I’m pretty sure it’s for a certain telecommunication company, but since my cell phone can’t hold a call, my memory can’t hold a sponsor.)

Anygobstopper, here’s the original scene from the movie to move you:

What a haunting melody… man, was that movie dark or what?

Another classic that chokes me up fairly consistently: Harry Chapin’s Cat’s in the Cradle.

Damn, just looking these up is killing me.  Curse you Five for Fighting, and your 100 Years.

The next two are definitely more personal than the above, but no less inherently tear-jerky (well, perhaps one is more so than the other): Mike + The Mechanics’ The Living Years and Joe Jackson’s Steppin’ Out.

And finally Sarah McLachlan’s Angel gets a mention because of the ASPCA TV ads, not for City of Angels.

Wow.  This post wasn’t funny at all.  Let me remedy that with an anecdote I heard about Arnold Schwarzenegger today:

While golfing, the Governator asked an opponent, “When was you last blowjob?”  The guy responds with a laugh, “A couple nights ago, I guess.”  Then while the guy’s taking his swing, Arnie adds in the Terminator’s voice, “How did it taste?”   Needless to say, the guy choked (pun!)…

Finis.

(anecdote via Dakota and here)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Unfortunately, LOST

I need to invent a version of this called "Draw Your Own Conclusions - LOST Edition"...

I wanted to love it.  I really did.

But ever since the “origin story” of Jacob and the Man In Black in the episode titled, Across the Sea (from a whole two weeks ago), I started having my doubts.  Blame it on seeing The Man Behind the Curtain.  Blame it on seeing bad-ass Darth Vader getting called Annie by a fish-rabbit.  But witnessing the beginnings of the enigmatic answer-holders toThe Island made us all realize they held no answers – only more questions.

Last week’s episode – What They Died For – continued illuminating Desmond’s path of getting the other passengers of Oceanic 815 to remember where they’d been, and it gave me hope again about the show’s finale.

So what went wrong, in my opinion?  Oddly, I’d say over-explanation.

That’s when you say, What?!  But they didn’t explain anything!

And that’s when I’d say, let me explain:

THE OVER-EXPLANATION

Jacob and the Man In Black were simply better as ageless entities.  They’ve been referred to as Yin and Yang; Right and Wrong; God and Satan; Alpha and Omega; Coke and Pepsi.  And they were much better for the mystery of it.  The second they became brothers manipulated by another who-the-hell-is-this, I understood the reason for the setup was to explain the Candidates. But they still could have remained ageless entities, searching throughout all of human civilization (from Atlantis to the Egyptians to Dharmaville) for their replacements.

INDIANA JONES AND THE EXPLANATION OF LOST

Remember how everybody loves  Raiders of the Lost Ark and everybody hates Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?  Let’s use the good and the bad to explain the ugly that was The End.

As the finale progressed, and each of our star-crossed survivors found each other again, I’ll admit that I was eating it up.  Although what ultimately happened didn’t mesh with what I hoped would happen,  that’s still not the only reason the ending didn’t make me completely happy.

So let’s turn LOST into ROTLA to examine the reason why.  For the entire movie, Indiana Jones has been fighting Nazis and greedy archaeologists to find the LOST Ark first.  This man of science and history has been turned into a man of faith, à la Jack Shephard.

But whereas in ROTLA, Indy’s true faith was tested, I fear Jack’s was not (at least not as effectively, because WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE ISLAND, THE LIGHT, AND THAT POOL?!).  And what happened after that would have been like Indy dying and going to purgatory/limbo/Mu/”the waiting place” to finally be happy with Marion Ravenwood (which I would have probably preferred over KOTCS).

It’s not a Snickers bar.  It’s hardly satisfying.  And it renders everything that happened on The Island and in the Sideways Reality pointless.  If this was a Nirvana they subconsciously created, why would they have invited murder, deception, and new kids like David, to exist?

Which brings me back to Jack and the Beanstalk, I mean, Fountain.  I couldn’t believe that even a part of me was hoping an alien or an ancient being would appear like the creatures in KOTCS to shed some insight into it all.  But no.  Not a thing.

I have to live with the stupid, frozen, Island-moving, donkey wheel being relegated to an idea Man In Black devised.

I have to live with the fact that Charles Widmore was nothing more than anybody else.

I have to live with the notion that Kate, Sawyer, Claire, Miles, Richard, and Frank were the only ones that escaped the Island… maybe.

WHAT MY HOPE EVOLVED INTO AS THE SHOW NEARED ITS END

I started hoping that the Sideways Story was an alternate reality created by the nuclear bomb detonation (hence Juliet’s claim, “It worked.”)

I started thinking that Desmond’s true purpose was to help guide all the survivors’ consciousnesses to this reality from the original reality so they could live happily ever after.

I started wondering if Miles would somehow not end up on the Ajira plane, allowing only Frank and Richard to make their escape since they were not shown in the Sideways Story, and the Island would have been destroyed, taking everyone else in the process.

But instead, all I got was an ending that was simply a Sideways Version of the South Park episode, Dead Celebrities:

The Final Church Scene from LOST

JusWondering… Who Needs More Help With Their Local Logos?

Although this tourism commercial for the state of Ohio was not as hastily made as these ads for Cleveland, it still feels like a video I’d make to try to get people to come over my house.

Hey everybody, I have a big screen TV!  It’s 50 inches, but it’s rear projection and not widescreen, but it lights up my living room in the night!

I have a Nintendo Wii, an XBox 360, and a Playstation 3, as well!  Except, I don’t have any batteries for my WiiMotes, my 360 isn’t hooked up to XBox Live, and I only have one controller for my PS3!

But I do have Pizza Rolls in my freezer, as well as a bottle of Southern Comfort!  Also, there are six cans of Miller Lite in my fridge, but you’ll have to turn on the kitchen light because the bulb in the fridge has been burnt out for years!

Come to my house!

Besides those commercials, they run terrible radio ads I haven’t been able to find.  So instead, howzabout a couple of local Michigan companies that could have taken another pass at designing their company logos:

And if you're for the opposing team, F U!

And if this doesn’t make you raise your rooftop, I don’t know what will:

"Garages Gone Wild"

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Name That Toy!

I don't know what this robot does exactly, but I want it.

When I was in grade school, I loved two things: close-up image puzzles and toys…

…I guess some things never change.

Your mission in this So, Duh! Pop Quiz is to figure out the following toys based on the zoom-ins.  As if you couldn’t have figured that out.

1)

2)

3)

4)

5)

6)

7)

(Answers after the jump) Read More

Hibbidy-Wah?! Foreign Pop Culture Is Foreign To Me

I consider myself to be quite the pop culture pundit.  American pop culture, that is.  I’d go as far as to say we as a nation created it, although that may not be entirely true.

Imagine my Hibbidy-Wah?! reaction when my co-worker pal Dave found this YouTube video of an Italian pop star that has over 10 million hits!  (I’m sure the view count has little to do with the song.)

Her full name is Sabrina Salerno and this song came out in 1987.  It hit the Top 5 in most European countries (of course), but as far as I could find, it never made its way here.  Let it be known that as of 2009, she was still releasing new music.

SIDENOTE: Are we sure the song isn’t really called, Buoys?

This leads me to a recent discovery of my own, and a reluctant admission.

— I enjoy watching crappy movies that are on Comcast’s OnDemand. —

There.  I said it.  It feels… like no big deal if I don’t list the turds I’ve subjected myself to, such as Toxic Avenger 1 & 2, Cherry 2000, Happy Birthday to Me, G.O.R.P., and most recently, Hot Bubblegum.

I miss clam shells...

What I thought was a foreign ripoff of Porky’s was actually the third film in series that inspired the American (and in Porky’s case – Canadian) sex romps.

The nine film series (what is this… American Pie?!) started with 1978’s Lemon Popsicle.  Here’s the preview:

To anyone up on their early 80’s filmography that might have looked familiar:

The Last American Virgin was directed by Boaz Davidson… the same guy that directed the first four Lemon Popsicle films!  (Think of it as precursor to our recent slew of American remakes of foreign films.)

I guess other than these revelations, I don’t have much else to say.  Other than this…

— They should remake Cherry 2000 with Megan Fox in Melanie Griffith’s role! —

I'm quite serious.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Meet Spongebob Drescher And Fran Squarepants

My brother caught this one and brought it to my attention…

Fran Drescher and Spongebob Squarepants share the same (or at least similar) annoying laugh.  If the proof is in the pudding, hopefully you enjoy marble and lemon meringue on your tongue.

THE MARBLE PUDDING (a chocolate and vanilla remix of a video I posted elsewhere…)!

THE LEMON MERINGUE PUDDING (because I like neither that flavor nor Mr. S.S…)!

BONUS PUDDING!

BONUS FOOD FOR THOUGHT THAT’S NOT PUDDING!

Bill Murray played Peter Venkman and Garfield on film; Lorenzo Music played Peter Venkman and Garfield on TV.

Via Wikipedia:

Since Lorenzo Music’s death, Frank Welker has often replaced him as the voice of Garfield the Cat in recent productions of the Garfield franchise… Frank Welker also provided the voice of Ray Stanz on The Real Ghostbusters, and Music… was replaced by Dave Coulier when Bill Murray complained to the studio that his character (Peter Venkman) sounded too much like Garfield.