I Am Thankful For… Detroit 1-8-7

Posted on by sgottahurt

Let me begin by saying that although I do enjoy the show, Detroit 1-8-7 is not Detroit enough for me.  Like the misnomer in the title (187 is the California penal code for “murder,” not Detroit’s), it’s a lighter look at this shitty city.  It’s the equivalent to calling Detroit a doo-doo city.

Nonetheless, I’m happy for what it’s doing for the local community.  It’s work.  It’s a beacon of hope.  And it co-stars Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

Erin Cummings:

(Pssst! It means she lives here!)

(Pssst! Put her in the show more so she stays here!!!1!!!ONE!)

I Am Thankful For… Hausu On DVD

Posted on by sgottahurt

This almost slipped past me, like the plot of the movie (see the preview below), but I Am Thankful For finding out that the 1977 Japanese horror (?) film Hausu has been released on DVD, and, well, check it out:

Via Criterion’s website:

SYNOPSIS: How to describe Nobuhiko Obayashi’s indescribable 1977 movie House (Hausu)? As a psychedelic ghost tale? A stream-of-consciousness bedtime story? An episode of Scooby-Doo as directed by Mario Bava? Any of the above will do for this hallucinatory head trip about a schoolgirl who travels with six classmates to her ailing aunt’s creaky country home and comes face-to-face with evil spirits, a demonic house cat, a bloodthirsty piano, and other ghoulish visions, all realized by Obayashi via mattes, animation, and collage effects. Equally absurd and nightmarish, House might have been beamed to Earth from some other planet. Never before available on home video in the United States, it’s one of the most exciting cult discoveries in years.

A great treat to watch on Thanksgiving, I’m sure!

I Am Thankful For… Victoria’s Former Secret, Candice Swanepoel

Posted on by sgottahurt

As I sit and watch my Detroit Lions blow their chance to obliterate the Dallas Cowboys (and former Lions quarterback, John Kitna) and walk away with the better record of 3-7 vs. 2-8, I’ve decided to discover and uncover the beauty that is Candice Swanepoel.

It took me a little while to figure who she was after seeing her in a Victoria’s Secret commercial, and I’ve done it!  Unlike the Lions (they didn’t do it)…

To erase the loss from my memory, here’s Candice in a cowgirl costume:

Yee-haw!

 

The rest is pure bonus:

 

She may not be a lioness, but she's close...

The Lions will be flying home for another game on Thanksgiving!

Here's to hoping they can clean up their own mess. I, on the other hand, could use Ms. Swanepoel's help.

BONUS! BONUS! VIDEO!

 

(more costumed Candice’s here)

I Am Thankful For… Not Living In Russia

Posted on by sgottahurt

I recently had a discussion with my mother about our family’s heritage, and I always thought I was 75% Polish, 12.5% Ukranian, 6.25% Lithuanian, and 6.25% Russian.  Turns out, she doesn’t think that we are part-Russian at all.  I’ve been saying that all my life, and I don’t think I made that up, but that’s neither here nor over there… which thankfully, I’m not.

I’m sure there are plenty more reasons not to want to live in Russia.  I’m basing it solely on the brashness of their rodents.

Check ’em out:

I Am Thankful For… The Ultimate Alternative To Turkey

Posted on by sgottahurt

Thanksgiving is upon us, and so it is time to begin to list the things I Am Thankful For… and I shall start with this:

Surprisingly Affordable

So I bet you’re all wondering:

Is it real?

And if you’re asking that, you might have wanted to lead up to that question with this one:

Are unicorns real?

But the long and the short of it is… it is real.

Hibbidy-Wah?! 25 Years Passed Again?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

First, I could deal with it when Back to the Future celebrated its 25th Anniversary:

Remember that Saturday Night Live skit where Dana Carvey kept singing, "Gotta go back in time" to Michael J. Fox while they were in an elevator? Yeah, neither do I.

Then it kind of stunned me when I found out Super Mario Bros was also 25 years old (watch the video on the linked site for some digital nostalgia):

Are we sure this wasn't an Atari 7800 game?

And then! I found out Elmo from Sesame Street has been around for a quarter century:

He's the one that's not Grover.

But this was the last straw… the Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle happened 5×5 years ago:

(Bonus Elmo and Ricky Gervais video after the jump) Read More

Awesome Battle? Finally Some Good Movies To Look Forward To?

Posted on by sgottahurt

The cinematic floodgates have been a little dry lately, and it finally appears that there’s hope on the horizon?

A few new previews have made their way online, and as I watch, I wonder if they’ll be any good?

I’m trying to keep my expectations low, hence all the question marks?  Wait, that sentence didn’t need a question mark.  Did it?

  • Your Highness, starring James Franco, Danny McBride, and nerd goddess, Natalie Portman
  • Cowboys and Aliens, starring Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, and nerd goddess, Olivia Wilde
  • Tron Legacy, starring Jeff Bridges, Garrett Hedlund, and (again!) nerd goddess, Olivia Wilde

Natalie Portman’s smart for showcasing her Padmé Amidala in her preview, because me thinks Olivia Wilde might be Gungan gunning for her?  No.  She’s definitely gunning for her.

(SIDENOTE: At least Your Highness looks better than Kröd Mändoon.  SIDENOTE WITHIN A SIDENOTE: Kröd is “dork” spelled sdrawkcab.)

Just Sh–ty To Just Sh–tier… Political Correctness Runs (As Fast As You Can) Amuck

Posted on by sgottahurt

Gingerbread Being

This week the gingerbread man dodged a bullet in the UK.  He was thisclose to being furthermore referred to as (heaven forbid) a gingerbread person.  But this got me thinking:

Where would this kind of political correctness take us next?

  • Could we no longer go “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,” since it’s insensitive to cuckoo people?

Sonny through the years, starting with a pink and white shirt, then nude, and finally whatever the current incarnation is wearing...

  • Would the Kool Aid Man become the Kool Aid Douchebag?

Too late...

  • What would become of McDonald’s beloved character, Grimace?

"Grimambiguous?"

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Tyler Perry Is Ed Burns 2.0

Posted on by sgottahurt

Allow me to begin with an apology.  I initially wanted this post to be about Katy Perry’s glorious set of… vocal pipes… but Best Week Ever beat me to the punch (italicized spelled-out sad face because I’m not found of emoticons).

So instead you get this: I was thinking about the career path of writer/director/Actor! Tyler Perry, and all of a sudden I couldn’t help but to be reminded of another writer/director/Actor! named Ed Burns.

If you need a refresher, here’s Perry:

He did not look like this for his cameo in "Star Trek."

As a refresher, here’s Burns:

Did I neglect to mention he's married to Christy Turlington?

So despite any glaring differences, how could I compare them?

  1. They’re both Christians.
  2. They both produce personal films.
  3. They’ve each made a total of ten films (so far), and are known for making them on low budgets.
  4. Both have dabbled in TV (Perry has produced two shows; Burns was a gofer on Entertainment Tonight).
  5. They’ve both had minor roles in major releases (as mentioned, Perry was in the newest Star Trek, and Burns was in Saving Private Ryan).
  6. They both are extremely rich.

And that’s why Tyler Perry is Ed Burns 2.0.

Drunken Recollection… “Where’s Rock Bottom?”

Posted on by sgottahurt

To preface, this is the New Place Lounge in Dearborn, Michigan, pictured from the outside:

Uncensored

And this is the New Place Lounge pictured from the inside:

Uncensored

Now imagine a night that I had been drinking, um, for a good six hours, and someone told me she was going to be at the above new place lounge:

Scent-sored

Now imagine my shock at this news, and me running outside to promptly call them.  Here’s how the conversation sort of went:

LADY – New Place Lounge.

ME – Is Debbie Gibson going to play there?!

LADY – You don’t have to yell.  I can hear you perfectly fine.

ME – I’m sorry.  It sounded loud on your end so I tried to compensate!  Is it true Debbie Gibson is going to be playing at your bar?!

LADY – You’re still yelling.  (unintelligible)  She’ll be playing at Rock Bottom.

ME – Rock Bottom?  Where’s Rock Bottom?!

LADY – (hangs up)

I immediately turned to the TripleDoubleU on my phone to find out where a Rock Bottom was locally because I knew there was one in Chicago, but my efforts were fruitless.  I gave up and decided to research the next day.

A couple of hours of sleep and a McDonald’s breakfast later, I translated what I’d actually heard:

LADY – For her to play here, she’d have to hit rock bottom.

TAH-DAH!

(SIDENOTE: I should have also prefaced that in my preadolescence, I was in love with Debbie Gibson.  Don’t click this – it’s the gayest straight thing I ever wrote.)