In My Brain While Sleeping… Austin Powers In Maybe Say Maybe Again

Posted on by sgottahurt

This was one of those dreams that occurred between snoozes, so adjustments developed that expanded on the concept that follows.  I contemplated not posting this on the site because I like the idea quite a bit, but then I realized – I’m not a Hollywood insider, and I’d have no way to get this into the proper hands (if it was even in script form).

Anysphinctersayswhat, here’s the premise to what began as simply Austin Powers 4: Agent Origin, and evolved into… well, here’s the poster:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

Following the events of Goldmember, upon discovering that Austin Powers and Dr. Evil were brothers, the pair hop into the time machine to explore where everything went wrong between them.  This leads them to the post-World Wars 40’s.

Of course, Justin Timberlake would play the younger version of Michael Caine’s Nigel Powers, and they’d uncover the origin of Austin’s “Mojo.”

They quickly learn that it was the freshly evil Scott Evil (Seth Green) that raised Dr. Evil to be evil.  He left the present time as soon as they did to unleash his ultimate evil plan of pitting the brothers against each other.

So as they seek to change the past, they find themselves time travelling to the 50’s (where Scott picks up his new sidekick, the super dog and Russian ex-patriot, Laika), and eventually the 80’s to when Scott was born.

Of course everything works well, but the specifics… well, I didn’t dream those, and until Hollywood comes calling, I ain’t saying.  Maybe.

InASense, Lost… (Racist) Kids These Days

Posted on by sgottahurt

If you’ve ever seen the film version of the beloved comic strip Marmaduke, I’m sorry then you’re well aware of all the obvious anti-white sentiment sprinkled throughout.

Oh, you didn’t notice it?  Then I’ll let Andrew of The Andrew Show enlighten you, emphasis on lighten, with a dash of a speech impediment:

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(In case the video doesn't work, click the Videogum link below)

(video via Videogum)

To clean your palette, howzabout some Baby Inception:

Happy Find… A Hard Drive For All (Over 18) Ages

Posted on by sgottahurt

I would have saved this for my upcoming (heehee) All I Want For Christmas posts, but I didn’t want to be perceived as a perv.  The fact that I’m making it a Happy Find should be of no consequence of all.

Playboy is putting out (heehee) a hard drive that contains their entire digitized catalog:

That's quite a box set (heehee)

It’s $300 for 250 gigabytes of googoo gaga bits…

…I guess that’s all I have to say about that…

 

A Handful Of… Videos You Must See If You Haven’t, Plus One Comic

Posted on by sgottahurt

Today’s specials include:

  • A CROONING MUSTACHED BABY
  • MORE KAZAAM REFERENCES THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT
  • ANIMALS EVOLVING

(Here’s the original if that one gets taken down.)

  • And finally, THE TRUTH, according to Pizza Stew:

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… I Effing Hate This Game Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

The uncensored title: "I Fucking Hate This Game"

If you were unaware of this game’s existence, check out some of the samples on the Mad Gab website.  Or better yet, don’t go there.  Essentially, the game takes a phrase like this:

EYE PILLOW FIZZ SIGH

And you have to decipher the actual phrase.  The answer to the above bullshit:

APPLE OF HIS EYE

So what better quiz could I devise than recreating the garbage game and having you guess the movie title.  Is it easy?  Is it not easy?  You’ll have to let me know.

1)2)3)4)5)

After all’s said and done, I’ll have to admit that it was actually a hell of a lot more fun making Mad Gab phrases than playing it.  The answers, as always, are

HALF TOUR THUD YUM PA

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Musical Musings… Songs I Will Never Listen To

Posted on by sgottahurt

I practically live in my car.  I’m always driving somewhere (which is probably why I have no drive in the rest of my life).  So I listen to the radio a lot.  The following songs are those that will either make me change the station, or keep me flipping through the dial.

I thought about including the videos here, but that wouldn’t seem true to the reason behind this Musical Musing.  At least I’ve included the links, so nyah.

Okay – scratch all that (I did).  IF there is to be ANY humor in this list, it has to be in the reveal.  A short list can’t duplicate what gobbled up real estate can.

To begin, I will never listen to Tool’s Schism.  Sure, the video is creepy, and could have possibly been a part of my list for videos cooler than their songs, but it is way too long and tantamount to banging pots and pans in rhythm.

(SIDENOTE: I also cannot stand their song, Prison Sex.  Actually, maybe I just don’t like Tool except for Sober.)

A lot of people don’t like Linkin Park already because, well, let’s just say a lot of their fans probably think Dane Cook is hilarious.  But I’ve never minded them.  I believe they work really hard at what they do, and when it works, it works for me.  As for one of their latest, The Catalyst, it Dane Cooks.

This is an easy one that requires no explanation, but I do have one question… why is James Blunt’s early start to the song left in the final recording of You’re Beautiful?  A better question… why do I care?

(SIDENOTE: James Blunt was supposedly in the army, and that baffled me until I found out he was British.  Moving on…)

This shouldn’t even have made this list, but the opening piano riff (is that what it would be called?) lured me in a couple of times before I learned my lesson.  That lesson: Miley Cyrus can’t sing, and The Climb should have never been on the radio.  (What else do I think about Ms. Cyrus?)

And in closing, fuck NewSong’s The Christmas Shoes.  If you haven’t heard it, consider yourself blessed.  If you haven’t, you’ll have to click on the link.  Or just hear Patton Oswalt explain the awfulness of it:

JusWondering… Can Taylor Swift Pull Off Santa Baby?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Taylor Swift could be called America’s sweetheart (as opposed to America’s sweatheart, Tom Arnold).  So why in the world would she try to perform a sexy, seductive song about a spoiled gold digger?  Take a listen to her version of Santa Baby:

What does the expert on gold diggers have to say about that?

Eartha Kitt played Catwoman, for Christ’s Santa’s sake!

Some other notable, not-so-wholesome women artists that have covered this song:

  • Madonna
  • Shakira
  • Macy Gray
  • Natalie Merchant
  • Faith Evans
  • Kylie Minogue
  • The Pussycat Dolls
  • Kellie Pickler
  • LeAnn Rhimes
  • Mae West
  • Miss Piggy
  • RuPaul
  • Everclear

My favorite, of course, is this version.

Happy Thanks (For Starting This Great Idea) Giving!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Somewhere in this world (probably Los Angeles, and not because of City of Angels) an angel earned its wings. If this could become a trend by Christmas, I will be looking forward to waiting in line at the airport.   NBC News in L.A, take it off away:

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I Am Thankful For… Short Weeks!

Posted on by sgottahurt

You gotta hand it to this guy:

Hi five!

Here is the logical reason why:

  • If not for turkeys, we would not have Thanksgiving dinners.
  • Without Thanksgiving dinners, we would not have Thanksgiving day parades and football games to kill time waiting for the food to be ready.
  • Without Thanksgiving day parades and football games, people would not have to skip work.
  • Since so many people would skip work anyway, it became a national holiday so everybody could not work!

Huzzah for having the fourth Thursday of every November off!

We also have to celebrate these idiots:

Overheard by someone in line - "I heard they're selling Ramen noodles for a quarter!"

For anyone not working in retail, these freaks make Friday an easy day to take off as well.

Long weekend, here I come!