Happy Find… Star Wars Here! (But Far, Far Away…)

Posted on by sgottahurt

How effing cool is this?

"Kick back and relax..." "Roger, roger..."

(SIDENOTE: I am not sure why sometimes I feel it necessary to censor myself and type “effing” instead of the real word.  Oh well, fuck it.)

This is just one doctored shot in the film series by Cedric Delsaux.

(SIDENOTE: I was going to specify that he was a French photographer, but it seemed self-explanetory.  Ha!  See-threepio what I did there?)

Basically, he took pictures around Dubai, and added in Star Wars characters.  It’s as nerdy cool as it sounds.  You can check the rest out by clicking here.

In other Star Wars news, could these fire rescue masks be the inspiration for Darth Vader and C-3PO?

Yeah, probably.

Apparently they were used in between the late 1880’s and World War I.  From the article in the Atlantic:

“The buzz among collectors is that George Lucas’ designers must have found inspiration in these smoke helmets and other [sic] like them,” [collector Steve] Erenberg wrote. “In fact, one well-known 19th-century manufacturer” — that early company — “was named Vajen-Bader.” From there, Vader isn’t a big stretch.

(SIDENOTE: None of it’s a big stretch.)

(Thanks Becky for the find at the top!)

JusWondering… Why Can Rappers Act And Not Rockers?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Parents just don't understand... that I used to be a rapper!

Thank the New Years Baby (and this post on NY Mag’s Vulture) that I don’t have to figure out all the rappers turned Actors! and their levels of success crossing over.  In a nutshell, from most Actor! to least Actor!, I present their list (which is worth checking out):

  1. Will Smith
  2. Marky Mark
  3. Queen Latifah
  4. Ice Cube
  5. Common
  6. Ice-T
  7. Mos Def
  8. 50 Cent
  9. Tupac
  10. Ludacris
  11. Drake
  12. Snoop Dogg
  13. Eminem

Sure, this list missed plenty of others, such as:

  • LL Cool J – “NCIS: Los Angeles,” Any Given Sunday
  • Xzibit – Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, xXx: State of the Union
  • T.I. – Takers, ATL
  • DMX – Cradle 2 The Grave, Exit Wounds
  • Ja Rule – Assault on Precinct 13, The Fast and the Furious

Oh wait, and there’s also:

  • Bow Wow – Lottery Ticket, Like Mike
  • André 3000 – Four Brother, Be Cool
  • Big Boi – Idlewild, Who’s Your Caddy?
  • Method Man – “The Wire,” How High
  • Redman – Seed of Chucky, How High

Damn.  That list didn’t help as much as I thought.  I found ten more on my (sorta) own.

Anywhooptiewoon****wut, that being said, how many rockers can you name?

  • Jon Bon Jovi (Pay It Forward, U-571)
  • Gene Simmons (Extract, Runaway)
  • Chris Isaak (Silence of the Lambs, Married to the Mob)
  • Mick Jagger (Freejack, Ned Kelly)
  • Joan Jett (Light of Day)
  • …Neil Diamond? (The Jazz Singer)

It’s a fairly scant list with not a large catalog behind them.  What if you add in huge popular stars?

  • Elvis Presley (a bunch of films)
  • Frank Sinatra (Manchurian Candidate)
  • Madonna (Evita, Despertely Seeking Susan)
  • Barbra Streisand (Little Fockers, Funny Girl)
  • Cher (Moonstruck, Mask)
  • Prince (Purple Rain, Under the Cherry Moon)
  • Diana Ross (The Wiz, Lady Sings the Blues)
  • Mariah Carey (Precious, Glitter)
  • Janet Jackson (Poetic Justice, Why Did I Get Married?)

And the ingenues?

  • Britney Spears (Crossroads)
  • Jessica Simpson (The Dukes of Hazzard, Employee of the Month)
  • Mandy Moore (Tangled, Saved!)
  • Christina Aguilera (Burlesque, Shark Tale)
  • Avril Lavigne (Over the Hedge, Fast Food Nation)
  • Ashanti (Coach Carter, John Tucker Must Die)
  • Aaliyah (Romeo Must Die, Queen of the Damned)

…oh yeah, and…

  • Justin Timberlake (The Social Network, Alpha Dog)

And finally, I can’t forget about country folk and the rest:

  • Dolly Parton (Nine to Five, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas)
  • Harry Connick, Jr. (P.S. I Love You, Hope Floats)
  • Dwight Yoakam (Sling Blade, Red Rock West)
  • Travis Tritt (The Cowboy Way, Fire Down Below)

Let’s add all that up (correctly assuming I’ve missed much):

  • 23 rappers
  • 6 rock stars
  • 9 pop stars
  • 8 ingenues
  • 4 country stars

Quite the spread.  My theory on why this is happens to be the same reason why comedians can cross into acting easier than Actors! can become comical…

Their day job is a lot harder.

In other words, it’s like asking a heart surgeon to bring in shopping carts.

tv show travis stork

I don't think this guy could bring in shopping carts...

Happy New Year To New Movies Courtesy Of Old Movies!

Posted on by sgottahurt

File this one under “You’ve Probably Seen It Already,” but for me, I’ll never get sick of it.  It’s an amazing testament to music and editing, and how much beauty can be found in even crappy movies.

You do realize Vampires Suck was one of the flicks included, right?  (#116)

Enjoy it again – or hopefully for the first time!

Musical Musings… Prepare Your Ears For The Horror

Posted on by sgottahurt

There is a reason why accordions are not used in pop music.  The prime example is Stereo Love:

Ugh.  Even if it’s synthetic, or a concertina, it’s still intolerable.

(SIDENOTE: “Weird Al” Yankovic, Arcade Fire, and They Might Be Giants are exempt from this post.)

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Songs About Singers’ Significant Others Or Something Else

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don't have a clever caption for this photo, but I do have an ironic one.

This has been an idea I’ve had for a while, and I was never sure what way I wanted to go about writing it.  Tah-dah!  It’s a So, Duh! Pop Quiz!

Your job is to decide who or what the song each of these singers is singing about.

1)

Is Avril Lavigne singing about…

Deryck Whibley or a puffy winter coat?

2)

Is Pat Monahan of Train singing about…

his new wife, Amber Peterson, or the women that attend Burning Man?

3)

Is Gwen Stefani of No Doubt singing about…

 

No Doubt bassist Tony Kanal...

 

...Gavin Rossdale now, or Gavin Rossdale then?

4)

Is Billy Joel singing about…

supermodel Elle Macpherson or supermodel Christie Brinkley?

5) 

Is Pink singing about…

 

this doucher or this doucher?

Answers after the jump Read More

Awesome Battle… To Be Queen Of The Nerds!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This… was inevitable.

Natalie Portman has held her lofty position as Queen of the Nerds for a considerable amount of time, but be aware that Olivia Wilde is not merely standing by, waiting on the sidelines.

Whereas Ms. Portman garnered our nerds attention with her portrayal of Padmé Amidala (the original queen) in the Star Wars prequels, Ms. Wilde is picking up steam by portraying an isomorphic algorithm named Quorra (true story) in Tron: Legacy.

Let the Awesome Battle begin!

Both film series are fanboy favorites, and their female leads looked remarkable in them.  But a long-awaited prequel trilogy and a belated sequel does not a battle make.

Ms. Portman followed up her Darth Vader-inspiring role with one from an underground comic book: V for Vendetta.

Ms. Wilde will be following up her Sam Flynn-inspiring role with one from an underground comic book: Cowboys & Aliens.

Ms. Portman then wasted a few years to become an Actor! It worked, because she’s getting a lot of award attention for her work in Black Swan.  But in this time, her geekdom luster has lost its shine, and opened the path for Ms. Wilde to take her throne.

On the slate for each actress:

  • Ms. Wilde – an ensemble comedy about butter-carving competitions called Butter
  • Ms. Portman – an ensemble comedy about wizards and dragons called Your Highness
  • Ms. Wilde – a sci-fi adventure written and directed by Gattaca’s Andrew Niccol called Now
  • Ms. Portman – a rom-com directed by the once great Ivan Reitman and starring, ugh, Ashton Kutcher called No Strings Attached

Luckily for Ms. Portman. she’ll be in next summer’s big-screen treatment of the Marvel Comic, Thor, but Ms. Wilde is set to star in a new body-switching movie called The Change-Up, co-starring Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman, whom are also dork heroes.

In closing, I’ll share a comedy bit each of them made, and I’ll let you search for their nude scenes.  This is a classy blog, folks, not an assy one.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… How Video Games Could Go The Way Of The Cinema

Posted on by sgottahurt

I could start this post off with a partisan political slam, but that’s not what this site is about, so I won’t.

Instead, I will hint about it and borrow Stephen Colbert’s concept of

TRUTHINESS

because this about something I can’t prove, but it just feels right.

Allow me to begin with an image:

It's better that swallowing pennies.

What you see is a computer generated image of my gut feeling that video games may soon go the way of the cinema.

By that I don’t mean they will soon become megaplexes that take over strip malls and shut down at the earliest signs of ticket sale decline.

No, instead I feel that as new games become easier and easier to produce and replicate, the quality will decrease.

As of right now, according to some random person the video game industry releases 30 major releases per year.  That’s less than one per week.

Hollywood, on the other hand, releases at least one movie per week, and usually it’s more than that.  According to another random source, in 2007, there were 453 movies made.  That’s the amount of movies produced, and not necessarily released, but you can see the vast difference.

Now back to the gaming market.  Of those alleged “truthy” 30 games – even if there were 100 – that’s not taking into account the new outlets available.  The iPhone/iPod Touch.  Android devices.  The Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft marketplaces.  Games are being released at alarming rates, and what happens when that, um, happens?

I’ll put it in movie terms.

For every Inception, you’ll get Yogi Bear, The Last Airbender, Jonah Hex, Eat Prey Love, The Killers…

I miss the old days of the anticipation for the newest Zelda game (wait we still do) or the next Super Mario (ditto).

The long and the short of it is… creative industry insiders should take their time to make one solid film/game versus ten mediocre ones.  Let’s get back to The Shit, and far away from Just Shitty.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? One Taylor Swift Headlight

Posted on by sgottahurt

Okay.  Get this.

I was driving to pick my buddy up at his new place the other day, and I found myself daydreaming as I was passing through a well-known speed trap.  I’ve trained my eyes to catch cops by the side of the road, and this occasion was no different, hence my rapid deceleration.  By the time, I looked at my speedometer, it was reading 53, 52, 51…

I was in a 45 MPH zone, and I knew I was going way faster than I should.  I’ll pulled quickly onto the angled embankment between the bridge and the freeway entrance below it.  My hands were displayed promptly empty out the window as the officer approached the passenger side.

I rolled the window down on that side and placed my hands on the steering wheel.  He said,

This your ride?

I answered, “It’s mine.”

Can I see your license?

I answered, “I was waiting to get it safely.”  It was then I dug out my wallet.

You were going 58 in a 45.  How’s your driving record?

I told him it was good, even though it wasn’t long ago I was pulled over for something*.

Then I’ll take care of you.

I ended up getting an impeding traffic ticket which still costs $116, but… no points.

Ah, the part I’ve dreaded.  I was daydreaming, listening to this song:

I was trying to figure out the line:

You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter

Because this later line confused me:

I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter

I thought all the choruses went that way, but it was only the last one that “the boy” is singing to her.

Nonetheless, what makes this a Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? is that (My Boss) Paul pointed out that the cadence (which also happens to be his daughter’s name) is Taylor Swift’s Mine is almost the same as The Wallflowers’ One Headlight:

*That something I was pulled over for… I only had one headlight.

Scary/Hairy Christmas!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Hopefully you haven’t seen either of these already, but if you have, I’ve included the gift receipt.

Something naughty:

Something nice (and a weird mix of funny and sad):

All I Want For Christmas Is… This Song To Really Be About What I Hope It’s About!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Mostly everyone nowadays knows Clarence Carter for his song, Strokin’.  If the blind blues singer is known for anything else, it should be at least for the hook from his song, Backdoor Santa.  Run-DMC “borrowed” the back beat for their better-known Christmas in Hollis, but here’s the original:

Awesome, right?  It’s definitely sexual in nature, butt am I wrong to think it could be about a little something extra under the tree?  I known the TripleDoubleU has been around for quite some time and my purest thoughts are no different from yellow snow, butt I don’t think I’m reading too much into these lyrics:

I’m your
Backdoor Santa
I make my run
At the break of day

“The break of day” is also known as “the crack of dawn.”

I ain’t like
Old Saint Nick
He don’t come
But once a year

That part is obviously sexual, and the concept was stolen by Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond.  Here’s where it gets really interesting…

I kept that door open
In case anyone
Smelled a mouse

No comment.