The Curious Case Of Dark Knight’s Snubbing (And Kate Winslet’s Nudity)

Posted on by sgottahurt

The nominations for this year’s Academy Awards came out today, and while a lot of other better informed, better thought-out, better written sites will have their two cents to suck on and hope they pass the Breathalyzer, here’s my wheat penny’s worth.

Um, hello…?  The Dark Knight anybody?  Sure, Heath Ledger received his well-deserved posthumous nomination for his portrayal/reinvention of the Joker, but where’s the Best Picture nod?  This film was hands down a surefire contender, if not the absolute best.  I thought the original Batman Beginswas award-worthy, and the sequel was ten times smarter, darker, and realistic than, gah, well I guess The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire (the other three are based on true stories, and we all know that’s code for loose adaptation). 

Don’t get me wrong – I love David Fincher and Danny Boyle (Trainspotting – ‘natch), and I’m happy to see them nominated as well, but where’s Chris Nolan’s nod?  And although I found Slumdog to be fascinating and worthy, Button kinda bit it.  I wanted to love the film, like I do Fight Club and Seven, but the intercutting between “Katrina’s coming” New Orleans and the overwhelming similarity to Forrest Gump (which screenwriter Eric Roth also scripted) sank it for me.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “The Curious Case of Forrest Gump from…“, posted with vodpod

 

 

 

OTHER WHEAT PENNIES:

I am glad that Martin McDonagh got nominated for writing In Bruges.  My friend, Chris, had recommended checking it out before I visited Belgium last year, and I wish I had… Bruges looked like a dream, except you’re awake (check out the film – it’s awesome).

Holla at Robert Downey, Jr!  Nominated not only for a role in a comedy film, but for wearing black face in Tropic Thunder.  Whodathunk?

WALL-E got nominated for Best Animated Feature.  WHOOPT-E FUCK-N DO.  Why should Beauty and the Beast continue to carry the distinction of the only animated film nominated for Best Picture when this (and Finding Nemo) blow it away?

In closing… my friend, Dave, asked if I had seen The Reader yet.  I had told him I hadn’t, but I heard Kate Winslet was nude in it, to which he replied, “When is she not?”  I dubbed her the female Harvey Keitel, and he did a spit-take with his coffee. 

Finis.

Happy Find… My Impending Songsmith Addiction

Posted on by sgottahurt

The wunderkinds wonderbreads Vistapushers, um, developers at Microsoft have developed a retarded gay lame program called Songsmith.  If you’re brave enough to watch the research team’s demonstration video about the product, be my guest and click here.

For those of you wise enough to trust me, which isn’t saying altogether much about either of us if you do, all you need to know is that Songsmith is a music making program.  And I use “music making” in the loosest sense.

The premise is this: you hook your mic up to your pc and open the application.  You sing a made up song however you want, and the program will create the backup music for you.  Srsly.

The fun part is that there’s a YouTube channel by azz100c that contains plenty of famous original vocals run through the program.  A few of my favorites are a folksy version of “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, and to explain the sound of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” would spoil the fun.

(Thank you again ever so much Videogum… you rock!)

Alert! A New Page Up Above!

Posted on by sgottahurt

FYI… I added a new page at the top – The Theory Sheet!

A sample:

4) The Urination Observation.  If there is any difference between the sexes “skill sets,” I bet it all boils down to boys having to aim when they pee.  This point might be argued by women that deal with any man on a regular basis, and their guy’s toilet habits.  Just because a man might not always make it directly into the porcelain basin, it does not mean they cannot piss their name in the snow.  Women, as far as I know, lack this ability (maybe in Sanskrit they can).  Because of boys needing/wanting/having to develop spacial relations the minute they lose the diaper, if there is a difference in men’s ability to drive, build, play video games, blah… it’s due to the development of wang stream control.

Samanatha in Sanskrit... it's possible to pee this, right?

Samantha in Sanskrit... it's possible to pee this, right?

JusWondering… Obama’s President! Why Don’t I Feel Any Different?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Hmm… today doesn’t feel too much different than yesterday… or two days ago.

I guess there is a slightly better taste in my mouth, like I used Plax before brushing, but have yet to put paste to gums.  Barack Obama is now acting President, and I thought his speech was well-played.  All the hope swung around like a fly-swatter at a barbeque during his acceptence speech was downplayed into a reality-based, looking forward, we-have-to-work-together memorandum that I hope didn’t fall on any deaf ears.

We live in a country where very few think about anyone but themselves, and sometimes even those that do think of others, from time to time, need to be reminded to do so.  Everyone’s too busy trying to keep up with the Joneses, when they haven’t even walked next door to introduce themselves (metaphorically speaking).

Anyhighhorse, on with the alleged comedy…

Was anyone else worried that this guy had a bomb strapped under his chair, and that he would scream, “I’m going to hell, and I’m taking all of you with me!” followed by  the Howard Dean yelp?

"FDR was a wuss," he might be thinking.

"FDR was a wuss," he might be thinking.

I also began to wonder if you stared at the crowd that formed, might you see underwater images, like in those 3D pics that were popular years ago?

Stare... keep staring...

Stare... keep staring...

...and voila (kinda)!

...and voila (kinda)!

Happy Find… Buseypalooza! Get Garied Away!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Shirley awesome!

Shirley awesome!

There’s a forum on SomethingAwful that has all kinds of Photoshopped madness.  Click here to check it out.

The thread began with the idea of replacing regular folks in home photos with the mugs of celebs.  Example:

Lilo and Stitch

Lilo and Stitch

But it’s since evolved into a Buseypalooza.  There’s not much on there, but to post them all on here would ruin the surprise.  I don’t think it’s active anymore, either, unfortunately, but it still makes me G.R.I.N. (Gotta Recommend It Now… see, Buseyisms aren’t that tough).

JusWondering… What Am I Supposed To Say? Where’s That PSA, Wanda Sykes?

Posted on by sgottahurt

My friend, Venessa, ran across this on late night TV and it made her chuckle.  Upon second viewing the next day, she didn’t find it humorous anymore.  (And she made sure to deny she was drunk…)

I’ve seen the HilDuf  version of this commercial before, and I find that I’m in a bit of a dill because of it (dill = pickle):

What am I supposed to say now that gay is also taken away from me?  It’s so retarded that I can’t say something’s gay, and it’s so gay that I can’t say something’s retarded?  What if something is gay, and not in a bad way – because some things are just gay?  Am I not allowed to point this out?

I guess I could call things lame, but wouldn’t crippled people be offended?

That’s so Appalachian doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

That’s so Raven might work, considering the show was retardedly gay.

Na-Nu Not-New!

Na-Nu Not-New!

I guess my biggest point of upset is this: I want rainbows back! 

I will stop saying things are so gay, if the gay community would relinquish the multicolored arch.  I can’t where my Mork suspenders without inviting suspicions. 

Eureka!  I’ve got it!

That’s so alien!

InASense, Lost… 80’s Pop Culture Reference That I Missed

Posted on by sgottahurt

My sister, Becky, recently started a blog about things she learns everyday called SomethingKnew.  Since I’m usually forgetting things, I thought I’d pay tribute to her site by recounting something new that I learned.

Today, I discovered the origin of a nickname I received when working overnight at Target.  I didn’t even know there was a basis for the moniker.  Whereas most of the other overnighters bounced around departments in the store, my only job was to take care of Plastics – the unpacking and organizing of all large Rubbermaid and Sterilite containers.  I always had a bunch of cardboard by morning, and the trash compactor runner guy, Greg, used to call me Baby Plas.  He called my friend, John, the Gordon Fisherman for some unknown reason, and my friend, Rodney, simply Dangerfield out of necessity, I guess. 

And I didn’t think much about it.  I thought it was just an odd yet obvious choice.  (For example: if I was dubbed, say, the Trix Rabbit, I would have wondered where it came from, much like I did with John the Gordon Fisherman.)  Somewhere inside me, I resigned to the fact that it teetered on the Dangerfield zone of unoriginality.

Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon this facet of pop culture that escaped me:

Baby Plas was a reference to “The Plastic Man Comedy/Adventure Show.”  Baby Plas was Plastic Man’s baby.  I worked with plastics.  I was more the Gordon Fisherman than John would ever be.  I was more Dangerfield in every sense of the word.

And I missed basking in the nickname. 

For shame.

Happy Find… Git’Mo At Gitmo! (SNL Skit)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Aside from John Malkovich’s recent stint on Saturday Night Live, the material has been lacking.  This bit from Rosario Dawson’s show is probably the best of the night.

Vodpod videos no longer available.  

Sober Recollection… Going, Gothic, Gone!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Last night I went out for my friend, Jenny’s, 30th birthday.  We went to a goth industrial night club in Detroit called the (Leland) City Club:
Like Blade rave minus vampires and blood shower, I think

Like the rave in "Blade" minus vampires and blood shower, I think

We arrived late by my standards (courtesy of the snow and collected company), but it’s primarily an afterhours spot, so to the regulars, we were probably early.  Since it was midnight, I could have either pounded as many bottles as possible, or keep my mind clear for people watching.  Speaking of clear…

  • Upon arrival, I thought “I’ll keep my mind clear,” and I saw a dude in a clear shirt.  Then a grand woman passed by that put the BOOST in bustier, and I thought, “Biiiig.”  Then a woman no taller than 4′ followed her, and I thought, “Smaaaall.”
  • On the telly above the bar, this scene from “Superbad” was playing.  Notice the wound on McLovin’s cheek at the end… is it CGI?  It sure looks like it was digitally added, and I never noticed until last night:
  • A woman sat on a dude’s lap in the corner, straddling and facing him.  There was no movement, per sé, but I wondered if they were doing the deed.  I brought this up to another friend, Lisa, and she suspected the same.  It wasn’t until moments later that I saw them both smoking side-by-side that my suspicions were confirmed.
  • The electric chandelier above us had energy-efficient coiled black light bulbs:

Like this, but purple
Like this, but purple
  • There was a dude that looked like an elf, and a dude/dudette (?) that looked like an anime character, amongst many other things.  I pondered what percentage of people here partook in the Renaissance Festival (nice alliteration… at least the first part).  Since two people in our group of eleven had, it was fare to assume they weren’t alone.
  • I wasn’t surprised to find out that I knew some of the music (Ministry, Depeche Mode).  I was surprised to smell fabric softener coming off someone’s black hoodie with the anarchy logo on it:
Smells like Snuggle

Smells like Snuggle

  • I learned that my brain may be wired like that of a moth, as my eyes were wont to follow any bright light in the form of glow sticks, light up yoyos, and a shirt like this (the sound bars actually moved):
See the music, taste the light!

See the music, taste the light!

  • Finally, my nerdery outstepped itself by conjuring up reference to an obscure “Star Wars” character no one in my group knew, as there was a guy who looked exactly like this, save the green pigmentation… and his hair was in a bun:
"How do I get to Detroit? Is it on Hoth?"

"How do I get to this... Detroit? Is it on Hoth?"

(Sorry BillyGoatBluff, but it was another sober night.)

So Long, And Don’t Let The Automatic Door Hit You On The Way Out!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Asta La Windows Vista, Baby!

Asta La Windows Vista, Baby!

The hell hole that stole my soul will finally be no more.  Circuit Shitty is set to close it’s remaining 567 stores by the end of March, and it’s website will shut down today.

Why do I have such disdain for the retail store?  Let me count the ways:

  1. I took the job to avenge my sister – I should have known better.  I had recently moved back from L.A. where I worked at a Best Buy.  There, they had taught me that “Circuit City” was the enemy and “working for commission” was evil.  As the DVD market was beginning to grow, I remember us laughing about the ridiculous plan CC had in motion to develop DIVX (more on this in a moment).  My sister, Tammie, had opened store #3604 back home, and she had been complaining about a manager that kept hitting on her/harrassing her.  She refused to take action so I got a job there to make sure it stopped.  It did.  That manager ended up helping me make a lot of money, so he ended up being an all right guy.  Cursed Southern salesmanship!  (NOTE: To be read as “curs-ed”… not “curst”… thanks.)
  2. It elevated my lifestyle.  When I started there in August of ’98, working in the SOHO department (Small Office Home Office), I made something like $700 my first full-commission week.  The next week, I made $1oo more, and the next – $200.  I had worked at a medical center prior to BB, and at BB, I was the Media Department’s Senior (which is a splash above regular).  This money influx was amazing.  There were days I could make my week’s pay that day.  I spent more than I saved.  And it took me a long time to break that habit, as well as another.
  3. It turned me to drinking excessively, amongst other things.  You see it in every movie: Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey, Giovanni Ribisi… they start making money and things *snap* start *snap* happening.  I had so much money I didn’t know what to do.  Couple this with the fact I worked at a nightclub Friday and Saturday nights… well, I didn’t do completely stupid things.  I just drank more than I even do now and partook in inhaling and occasionally ingesting certain types of vegetation…
  4. I had to make the sale.  No.  Matter.  What.  I never outrightly lied.  I may have slightly bent or tip-toed to the edge of what our service plans covered, but as long as I worked there, anyone that came in with a problem was taken care of by me.  Too bad I was only there for a year-and-a-half (too long).
  5. The DIVX Dupe.  For those of you only familiar with the media format, there used to be format with the same name.  The idea was you’d buy a disc for $4.50 and once you played it in your machine, you had access to it for 48 hours, after which you had the option to pay $15 more to permanently unlock it, or could “rent” it again for $3.  It put a DVD player in my house, but it was a dumb idea.  And I was forced to sell this product to every customer.  And since it was in the TV Department, all out wars broke out between SOHO and TV (because of the spiffs).  When it finally folded as a format, all the discs went on sale for a buck or two.  I bought pretty much every one.  They exist in a box in my basement and predicted my eventual DVD purchasing habit (I currently own over 1200).
  6. The CompuServe Rebate Ripoff.  For the first Christmas I worked, people had to save up to buy a home pc.  The cheapest complete system (14″ monitor, tower, printer, and of course – service plan) cost $1585.55 out the door, with something like $50-$100 in rebates.  I killed at selling this package, and it probably made me eighty-some bucks a pop.  The following August I spent backpacking in Europe and upon returning, the well had dried up.  The cheap machine boom was upon us (as was the looming Y2K fiasco), and at the center of the shitstorm laid the CompuServe rebate.  Anyone would get a $400 dollar rebate for signing a 3-year agreement to join the dial-up service at $21.95 per month, so everyone and their kitchen sink were coming in for the “FREE” pc.  Hardly any commission on that, and try to sell service plans I did – to no avail.  Where I had been swimming in cash at the end of ’98, I dove into an empty pool at the end of ’99.  I wouldn’t last many months more because in addition to making peanuts for pay (I was back down to $400 per week – the horror!), the quality of products we sold had also diminished.  This lead me to take a second job overnight at Target which brought me a great group of friends I still associate with to this day, so maybe Circuit City wasn’t that bad after all.

(I feel cleansed like this was some type of confession.  BB CCing you in hell!)

Another one buyts the dust...
Another one BUYts the dust…