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In My Brain While Sleeping… The Rise Of Cobra (Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter)

Posted on by sgottahurt

In one of my dreams last night, I watched/participated in the new G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie.

It began rather inoccuously, meaning it didn’t seem at all like G.I. Joe.  There was a compound and the team was being built.  It was comprised of a bunch of your movie stereotypes (which I won’t go into because it doesn’t bode well for my subconscious).  I remember a moment where a group of us were in a steel-decor room and cardboard boxes full of ammo rested on the center table.  The captain or general or secretary (I don’t recall) said “Go!” and everyone lunged for the weapons like they were candy, stuffing grenades, guns, and dynamite in their pockets.

I wore a jacket comparable to this one (based on my real-life coat, also from American Eagle):

Mine had big inside pouches... maybe it's made from opossums (you thought I was going to say kangaroo... No? You didn't? My bad...)

Mine had big inside pouches... maybe it's made from opossums (you thought I was going to say kangaroo... No? You didn't? My bad...)

I also think that the compound was somehow connected to a resort, like in the old episodes of Get Smart.  The reason I bring this up is because at one point, after a member of my team falls through a concealed trap door, in searching for him, we fall through a similar hinged entrance.

We end up trapped with our fallen friend in a room on the resort side.  The windows are shatter-proof and there are no doors.  We can’t escape.  Then through the windows, we see a couple that I apparently met earlier.  They open the window from a latch outside, but they won’t let us out unless we can name who’s singing the song coming from their bedroom TV next door.

Right away, I know who it is: Shania Twain, and she’s doing a duet with Eurotrash superstar (?) Juraveggio Mugaiojdvkiaw… (I don’t know exactly – it was some weird dream name).

I just don't have enough dreams about her.

I just don't have enough dreams about her.

The couple let us out, and I ran to the TV because it was one of my favorite videos.  This guy was singing the duet with Shania:

Actor: Peter Stormare!
Actor: Peter Stormare!

Anyyojoe… my team ends up getting shipped out to do battle with Cobra, and it’s at this point that I realize I watching/participating in the G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie and I’m pissed!  It took this long to get to any battles?! 

There was a car chase that lead to a field with way too many chain link fences.  Bullets!  Bombs!  Explosions!

I was about to get captured/killed when I realized I had one of those hypersuits (whatever the fuck they’re wearing in this preview), and I started leaping and hopping about, between crater blasts and flimsy fences.  Something trips me and I land at the feet of a guy dressed like this:

Like the costume on the left, but more in the direction of the one on the right... also, is she smiling at her own reflection?

Like the costume on the left, but more in the direction of the one on the right... also, is she smiling at her own reflection?

As I struggle to get to my feet, he removes his mask, and lo!  Who is it?

Juraveggio Mugaiojdvkiaw…

I walked out of the movie/woke up because I thought it was stupid.

INGREDIENTS: Working 13 hours (and until 1am), 2 Cheesy Double Beef Burritos, 1 24oz. bottle of none other than Mt. Dew

JusWondering… Is Josh Groban Cool?

Posted on by sgottahurt

This has been something creeping in the back of my mind for awhile now.  I mean, if you have a voice like he does, you have to use it in the genre it works best (makes you shitloads of money earns you a living).  But ever since his appearance in Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m F’n Ben Affleck,” the case study has been building.

EXHIBIT A – “I’m F’n Ben Affleck”

This is a TripleDoubleU phenom and a played out meme, but as a refresher, check out the 7:40 mark:

EXHIBIT B – “2008 Emmy TV Theme Song Medley”

By no means or stretch of the imagination is any of this good.  But the fact that he willingly participated in it speaks volumes (to me at least).  I’d like to think he knew those theme songs by heart before this idea was ever a twinkle sty in anyone’s eye:

XZIBIT C – “You Don’t Know Me” by Ben Folds and Regina Spektor

Directed by the awesome Tim and Eric (of “Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show, Great Job!“), Josh Groban makes a guest appearance twice in Ben Folds‘ video, while for some reason, Regina Spektor does not.  Check him out at the 2:46 and 3:07 marks:

In closing, you’ll have to judge whether Josh Groban is cool or not, but based on the above samples, I think he is cool. 

If you want to judge my judging, I used to think this was cool:

It Only Happens Once A Year… I Hafta Post It!

Posted on by sgottahurt

If you’ve seen this before (which is likely), it never gets old.  If you’ve never seen this before, watch it more than once!

InASense, Lost… Herpes On The Rise Due To Game?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t want to be naive , but apparently cold sores – not better known as lip herpes, and definitely not known as liperpes (though it should be) – is spreading like wild fire amongst college students.  The culprit blamed for the spreading: beer pong.

From Asylum:

But beer pong could be nearly as dangerous as unprotected sex in terms of spreading diseases, according to a recent article in the University of Massachusetts’ student newspaper — which links the rise of herpes on campus to the popularity of beer pong. Because the game involves multiple people drinking from the same cups, the herpes virus — which can be transmitted via saliva — can be spread to everyone who is playing through the course of a game. The virus is up 230 percent since 2007 in people between ages 17 and 21.

And here I foolishly thought it was because college students are generally sluts (and I’m talking about both genders when I say that).

This got me thinking about what other STD’s might not be ST’d (sexually transmitted), and in fact may be BP’d (beer ponged).

  • Gonorrhea – From clapping near someone else who is clapping.  This is why it’s also known as the Clap.
  • Chlamydia–  From getting sodas out dispensers outside of Walmart stores.
  • Genital Warts – From playing with toads before using the restroom.  The same applies to Crabs.  Not to be confused with Gentile Warts, common amongst Christians.
  • Syphilis – Was created by Alexander Fleming in order to sell his new discovery, penicillin.  Transmitted via playing catch with Frisbees, and sometimes Nerf Boomerangs.

A pubic public service announcement from the 80’s:

JusWondering… RidiculouZodiac Or SerioZodiac?

Posted on by sgottahurt

For anyone who’s willing to be delighted by lounge songs about the zodiac, coupled with some of the finest dancing this side of the Jabbawockeez, here’s a compilation of Harvey Sid Fisher informing entertaining infotaining us about what it means to be each of the signs.  If you can’t wait for yours, the breakdown goes like this:

0:00 – “I am, I am, I am the Ram.” (Aries)

0:50 – “Talk about the Taurus, talk about the bully bull bull.”

1:28 – “One twin does the making love, the other likes to watch.” (Gemini)

2:24 – “Moonchild, moonchild…” (Cancer)

3:10 – “I need more sex than most that’s just a fact not a boast.” (Leo)

3:56 – “Virgooooo, VirgoOOOoooOOOooo…”

4:42 – “Lib-Liba-Libra, Lib-Liba-Libra…”

5:29 – “I can see right through your soul and out the other end.” (Scorpio)

6:11 – “I’m a Sag’, I’m a Sag’, I’m a Sag’…” (Sag… ittarius)

6:57 – “I was born a Capra, I was born a Capra, I was born a Capricorn.”

7:48 – “Cuz’ I am in love with humanity, it’s just some people that I cannot stand.” (Aquarius)

8:36 – “Puh-Puh-Puh-Pisces,  Puh-Puh-Puh-Pisces…”

Kinda reminds me of James Quall:

Musical Musings… Mario Paint Masterpieces (For Your Ears!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

(SNES not included)

(SNES not included)

Mario Paint, a staple of the Super Nintendo, was a pretty pointless, but very entertaining gimmick game, like pretty much most of Nintendo’s products through the years.  Gotta love ’em nonetheless!

Anywario, there’s an app floating around on the TripleDoubleU that imitates the old composer portion of Mario Paint, and what would the world be coming to if nerds fans out there didn’t create their own masterpieces!  Well, at least covert other people’s songs into Mario Paint versions.  Some highlights:

Some other good ones:

What is Love? by Haddaway

Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

Take On Me by A-Ha

More options here.

JusWondering… Some Things That Kept Me Up Last Night

Posted on by sgottahurt

I had a rough go at esacaping to dreamland last night, mostly in thanks to some of these thoughts that were splashing around in my brain (I’d have been content if they were swimming).

  1. Does Gatorade freeze?  I’ve never had Gatorade around the house consistently to know for sure, but I would assume it would.  If Gatorade is chemically structured to replace “sweat,” then maybe it doesn’t (unless sweat freezes).  If it does freeze, does it taste okay when thawed (soda pop does not)?  And where can I get a stock of the 32oz. bottles so I don’t always have to stop at 7-11?  (And speaking of G…)
  2. Why is the dance group known as Jabbawockeez kinda scary?  The winners of the first season of Randy Jackson’s America’s Best Dance Crew (or RJABDC for short, or DUM for shorter), are seen at the end of this commercial. 
    They’re good dancers, don’t get me wrong, but they are equally creepy.  Here’s video of them dancing.
  3. What kind of belt should I get?  I don’t like belts.  I never have.  And since they possibly say something about you, what do I want my belt to say about me?  The problem is that the new jeans I purchased were a size too large in order to give me pocket room.
  4. What happened to red, original flavored, Plax?  Should I buy it from online from Amazon?  Did it go away because it didn’t sell well… or because it causes cancer?plax
  5. How does this Korean baby know the words to “Hey Jude” better than me?

Happy Find… Game Time With Dave And Greg (SNL Skit)

Posted on by sgottahurt

This past Saturday’s episode of Saturday Night Live (which aired on Saturday… I can’t stop typing Saturday!) was hosted by the charismatic Dwayne Johnson, formerly the Scorpion Stone… or something like that.  I thought this was probably the funniest skit of the night – for what it’s worth.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

 

Drunken Recollection… Dressed To Kill (This Is A Funny Title… Trust Me)*

Posted on by sgottahurt

At night at the bar does not always provide teachings, but last night, I learned two things:

  1. Sometimes, to get the girl, a guy’s gotta wear a zip-up fleece and corduroy khakis.  I’m not a zip-up fleece and corduroy khaki kinda guy, so I would never get the pointy shoe and $100 blue jeans girl – not that I would want to.  Introduce me to the girl in Target jeans and Keds anytime.
  2. Is this not possibly one of the greatest movies of all time?! 
    I just ordered it on DVD, so I’ll be sure to let you know.  Brian DePalma made this in 1974, a year before Sisters and two before Carrie.  It played on a background TV out of earshot, behind the couple from Hell Hell Bean.  I’m still not sure which display was more frightening.

*check out #18 on this list

Musical Musings… Happy Birthday “Voices That Care!”

Posted on by sgottahurt

Remember this?

Well, actually yesterday was the 18th birthday of the song Voices That Care, and it is quite the time capsule.  Made originally to raise money for the Red Cross during Operation Desert Storm, it has now, well, let’s reflect on the highlights:

  • Gotta love the flag opening.  Reminds me of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crap.  Unfortunately.
  • Celine Dion was just a baby.  I wonder if her creepy-old-manager/husband-to-be was tapping that yet.  (Also, she has kind of that Amy Grant vibe going.  Much better than the future Vegas chest thumping.)
  • Peter Cetera!  Why isn’t he making music anymore?  Am I the only one that wonders where he went?  (Maybe he’s hanging out with Steve Perry.)
  • See Bobby Brown.  See Bobby Brown sing.  See Bobby Brown not get high and smack a ho.
  • Is that dude in the cowboy hat from Warrant?  Yes.  Yes, he is.
  • Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson’s singing voices mesh perfectly with Luther Vandross.  (Actually, all the sports stars have wonderful pipes.)
  • Who’s singing with Garth Brooks – Amy Grant or Celine Dion?  Was hair really that big back then?
  • BONUS: More Warrant!  Nope.  It’s just Nelson.  Why is everyone wearing cowboy hats, yet Garth Brooks did not (a true rarity)?
  • Michael Bolton was pretty good in Office Space, doncha think?
  • Will Smith even got to rap.  That tickles my soul.  Isn’t it weird he got his start “rapping,” but now it seems weird to see him rap?
  • One good thing about the arrival of CGI – no more neon coloring on B&W footage (hopefully).
  • The Chorus.  You gotta love the Chorus.  I can’t even begin to dive into the Chorus.  All I have to say is this: Michelle Pfeiffer AND Jon Lovitz.  No?  Fred Savage AND Meryl Streep?  Not enough?  Gary Busey AND Chevy Chase?  Yes.  That awesome. 
  • Wait was Mike Tyson’s arm around Debbie Gibson?  (She was my first concert – at the Sea World in Orlando.)

In my research, I stumbled on this must-see Where Are They Now video.  Check it out.