Many months back, I wrote a post about the uncanny valley. I’m beginning to think that it’s becoming an uncanny canyon. Japan, the forerunners on creepy, have been working hard to do just that – mess with your mind. The following videos might not make you think of anything more than the Hall of Presidents at Walt Disney World or the Rock-a-Fire Explosion at ShowBiz (seriously… check the Rock-a-Fire out), but remember one thing… when the ride broke down, the pirates didn’t try to eat you! Because they’re attached to the floor, you see.
I wouldn’t exactly say that I’ve been around the block (although technically, as a child, I rode my bike around the block a ton… I don’t know what I want this metaphor to mean!).
Let me begin instead with this: I’m for all intents and purposes (or is it “intensive purposes?”)…
I’m a bar frequenter. An aficionado of affordable alcohol. If you have drink specials, considered a seat filled. It’s been this way for me for quite awhile, as I haven’t been tied down by much of anything. Tumbling tumbleweed is how I often refer to my life.
It’s better than swallowing goldfish when drunk. Barely.
Apparently, this is not a new practice either. It (seems to have) started back in Utah, as long ago as 2004 (whooohoooo), and it’s been a subject of controversy since it’s inception. A press release by the Humane Society:
Words, words, words...
There are a few styles practiced. There’s the squirt gun style, as seen in the above video. Some people use straws, and they blow above or below the water, depending on the arena. And of course, some guy in Japan’s turned it into an art form… not unlike NASCAR:
Why do I bring this all up, you ask? As we were leaving one of the bars I frequent, a friend mentioned he saw a sign saying something about goldfish racing. I laughed and thought he was making it up, yet here’s this post.
From the movies, there were Luke Skywalker and Han SoloIndiana Jones
And from TV, there were Alex P. Keaton, Mike Seaver, and Zack Morris
Because of my heroes from the Tigers, I’ve always felt at home in the outfield or behind home plate. Because of Luke and Indy, I learned to stand up for what’s right, and still do, whether if it’s my friends (and the galaxy far, far away) that are in trouble or if there’s an artifact that belongs in a museum.
But with TV – that glorious, nuturing glass nipple – I’m not sure if everything’s the same.
I was a Conservative Republican in my youth because of Marty McFly Alex P. Keaton. Not only was President Reagan keeping us “safe” from global nuclear disaster, Michael J. Fox’s character on Family Ties knew a thing or two about money… and what kid doesn’t like money? Since then, I’ve become more of a political moderate, and money is not the end all I thought it once was (I can get candy and toys whenever I want, you see).
Not a mug shot... Although he's in court...
While I looked up to Mike Seaver, I never got into The Boss or harassed either of my sisters into anorexia like he did. I’m not sure what I admired him for except for his confidence (and his MILF… and his WILF), but it sure as hell wasn’t his beliefs…
When it comes to Zack Morris, it’s a little bit different, though. We were both in high school at the same time. He was a likable kid that couldn’t quite get the cool and pretty Kelly Kapowski. I was going through the same thing in my mind life with a girl I had a crush on.
But how is he different from Ferris Bueller or Parker Lewis, one might ask? My response: he was believable. Zack Morris, even with his time-outs and asides, seemed like a kid you could know, and the credit for that goes to Mark-Paul Gosselaar. That’s why whenever he gets more chances to move on in his career, I applaud him, like when he was in NYPD Blue or in Raising the Bar, or last night on…
I apologize for posting another video (as if I don’t post beaucoup devidz anyway), but the post I was working on started changing and growing from what I initially imagined (don’t worry – it will still be less than superb). I need to be somewhere else soon, plus I want to allow the other idea to ferment a little longer, so here’s my gift to you (via Tosh.0):
I was just discussing with my boss Paul that there needs to be a new literal video. Universe asked… message received… dascottjr delivered.
I loved the previous creations by Dusto McNeato. Check out his works here and here. Although I feel the vocals are a bit better in his takes, you have to admit that Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart is ripe for the pickin’, and pick away they do.
In real life, most of us have been fortunate enough to avoid problems such as
finding out from a letter that your spouse has cheated on you with somebody else’s spouse, but somebody killed them both
discovering somebody was getting killed while you were fumbling with music
or realizing that goblins* are going to eat you after they finish eating someone else?
So the bulk of us can understand how difficult it would be to try to act out one of those very same scenarios, with so little personal experience to build on.
Where do you go inside yourself to uncover the characters’ motivation? Do they teach workshops at the local community college? Are there clips on YouTube that demonstrate what it takes?
Awful battle… GO!
*the film was called Troll 2, but it was about goblins.
Personally, I prefer Andy Samberg and “Neil Diamond” singing about guys walking away from explosions like they just don’t care. Kind of like I did from the hot mess that was the MTV Movie Awards.
When I begin to investigate the nature of something which I do not initially understand, I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for the unexpected. As is the case with the concept of furries, I took a deeper breath, and held onto it for dear life. Who knew what I’d find.
To begin, allow me to share what prompted this study (via AOTS):
Whenever someone goes to painstaking lengths (I say painstaking because I’m lazy, you see) to create, um, a recreation of this calibre for no real reason, my curiosity is peaked. Why would anybody make their own version of Dick in a Box for one? For two – why as anthropomorphic animals?
Immediately, I went to the best source of all truth and accuracy on the web – Mr. Wikipedia himself. And right off the bat, I was amazed to discover what I understood about furries was completely off. I’ll get to that in a second.
My opinions had changed because my perception had been changed:
Originally, I had believed that all furries were sexual in nature and creepy in general, and my reaction to the above videos was not cast in a favorable light. But according to Ms. Wikipedia (I changed my mind about the site’s gender as well, because she’s always right), I learned this:
Many members of the furry community feel that the overly sexual component gives the rest of them a bad name, and may use the derogatory term “furvert” to describe such people…
The term “yiff” is most commonly used to indicate sexual activity or sexual material within the fandom—this applies to sexual activity and interaction within the subculture whether online (in the form of cybersex) or offline…
Most furry fans claim that these media portrayals are misconceptions, while the recent coverage focuses on debunking myths and stereotypes that have come to be associated with the furry fandom…
So as it turns out, those videos aren’t sexual in nature. They’re just creepy in general.
(I’m kidding, of course, because who am I to judge. Do you realize how difficult it is to type with paws?)
I’m speechless. You just need to watch this video. Quite possibly the best spoof and satire ever captured in 2:45 minutes. I’ve spent about 24:50 minutes rewatching it.
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 
