Video

Musical Musings… America’s Next Top American Idol Judge!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This idea simply popped in my head, just like how the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man did in Ray Stantz’s.

With Simon Cowell leaving American Idol to host his own version of American Idol called X-Factor, there has been a buzz around the TripleDoubleU about his replacement.  I say look no further than one of Fox Network’s early birds (and The Simpsons surrogate mother), Tracey Ullman.

I thought this was funny and actually LOL'd. 4RLZ.

The reasoning?

  • She could take on the roll of two judges – Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres.  Cowell for the British honesty; DeGeneres for the comedy.
  • She’s been in the music business à la Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, and in particular – Paula Abdul.

I searched to see if any others had thought this, and yes – there was one site.  But I think this needs to happy.

Or Ricky Gervais.  For the very same reasons… Okay, I’d prefer Gervais, but in a pinch, Ullman will do.

He LOL'd, 2. 4RLZ.

Happy Finds… Playing Catsup Because I Mustard

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve had a busy week, but keep in mind it’s all for all of you!  Here are a few of my Happy Finds…

1) If I could be a pinky’s worth of whatever makes up The Most Interesting Man in the World, I would be a happier man.  I’m already a happy man because I’m not this guy:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

2) I once posted about a Happy Find upon discovering Garfield Minus Garfield.  I also painstakingly edited Garfield into other comics before I discovered the Adobe Suite (MS Paint all the way).  Now I present to you – Garfield Minus Garfield: The Movie…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The next two are self-explanatory.  Well, I guess the above two were self-explanatory as well.

3) Michael Bublé Being Stalked By A Velociraptor

This one has style, and bite!

4) Yahoo! Answer Fail Blog

Then what are fine arts?

5) This is for all the ladies that get wet waiting for John Cusack.  In the rain!  They get wet in the rain!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Hibbidy-Wah?! Gives You Hell-O!

Posted on by sgottahurt

There are a couple of things that make this video extremely relevant to this site.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Hibbidy-Wah?! Gives You Hell-o!“, posted with vodpod

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Bigger… And… Faster… Ah, Forget It

Posted on by sgottahurt

"Draw Your Own Conclusions" Edition

Jimmy Johnson is an NFL coach that demands hard work and speed on the field.  When off the field, he promotes Extenze (I refuse to make the Z a capital letter).

Jimmy John’s is a sandwich shop that demands hard work and speed in the field.  When in the stores, they promote hard work and speed in creating tasty sandwiches.

Here are the Urban Dictionary definitions of jimmy and johnson.

I believe there is a comedy bit in here somewhere, but I don’t feel like shuffling through the gutters of my twelve-year-old mind.

So here’s an excellent bit from the Onion.  It will be doing the heavy lifting.

Oh wait – I’ve got it!

Top Ten Things Overheard By Jimmy Johnson At A Jimmy John’s After Taking ExtenZe (Dammit Z, You Got Me!)

10) Go long!  Old habit…

9) So you’re fast?

8) Extra meat please!

7) No Slim for me!

6) I just took an ExtenZe pill!

5) No, I don’t own this place!

4) That was quick!

3) How much?

2) That much!?

1) This pill ain’t doing dick for me!

Musical Musings… “Liberal Borrowing” (BONUS: Sound-Alike Mystery Solved!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

"A Meeting of the Minds," er, I mean "A Meeting of Weaves and Nests"

Criminy.  In the course of working on this post (which I thought was going to be a nice break from all the work on the Final Foursome brackets – NOT!), I started to feel like Nick Cage in 8mm.  The further I started digging, the dirtier I felt… which happens when you actually dig.

And maybe I’m exaggerating my Nick Cage analogy.  Perhaps it was more of a National Treasure debacle, where one clue lead me to another, until my head started spinning.

Regardless, I stuck to it (courtesy of my stick-to-it-iveness, which bears no association with nocturnal emissions).  These are my findings…

ORIGIN(S)

The idea for this post was a sort of fruitful one; variations of it jumped at me from every direction.

The concept: LIBERAL BORROWING, a.k.a. STEALING, in the music business.

Ray Parker Lewis and the Electric Light News, Jr.

Chicago Green River Day

Then that lead me to…

  • …memories of the Jump controversy.  It wasn’t a scandal really, but 1984 me distinctly remembers The Pointer Sisters having to add (For My Love) to their version’s title, as not to confuse it with Van Halen’s anthem.

And then came this thought…

  • Nickelback and Mariah Carey have two (almost three) songs with the same title: Hero and Someday. Her If It’s Over is answered abruptly by their It’s Over.

Then my mind wandered to this revelation…

THE ACTUAL MISSION

Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s new song, Telephone, has been driving me freaking crazy, and not for the expected reasons.

At the 3:33 mark in the NSFW extended video (or the 0:47 mark in the regular video according to other TripleDoubleU inquiries), her line:

Stop calling, stop calling, I don’t wanna talk anymore…

Sounds just like another song, the likes of which I could not think of.  I scoured the web and scrambled my brain.  I started getting Britney Spears’ 3 stuck in my head, and couldn’t get past it.

Once I found out Gaga actually wrote Telephone for Spears, the mental block worsened.  I had a feeling it was one of those backup singer hooks from all the early Aughties’ R&B hits.

I searched song lists of Mya, Ashanti, Aliyah… then it occurred to me: Ciara’s Goodies (at the 1:24 mark).

Looking for the goodies, keep on lookin’ cuz they stay in the jar…

Excitedly, I returned to the website where someone else shared my pain.

What song does Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” sound like?

I hit the “Comments” button to answer…

…and somebody else already had.

(BONUS WEIRDNESS!  Both Ciara and Lady Gaga have been rumored to be hermaphrodites!)

Happy Find… ChatRoulette – The Musical, Plus Bonus Alternative

Posted on by sgottahurt

These are already making the rounds (some might say they’re already done), but I enjoy them enough to post them again here.

If you’re unfamiliar with ChatRoulette by this point, welcome to my site.  I will be your Internet God (or as I’m prone to start saying, TripleDoubleU Pong).

Here are two clever fellows (one is unknown and now-known, and the other is well-known or sorta-known, at least).  First up is Merton, a Ben Folds fan that claims not to be ripping off Ben Folds:

And second up is Ben Folds paying homage to Merton (it’s all so meta… which is not to be confused with metal):

The chance of running into creative types like Merton and Ben Folds is slimmer than most of the masturbators you’ll come stumble across.  So as an alternative to perverts, how about an old-fashioned game of Russian roulette turned kiddie-proof:

"Guaranteed to make you wet!" - rejected slogan

Hibbidy-Wah?! NintenDon’t Go There!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Video games feel like they’ve been around forever.  Sure, they might not always have been electronic, or in a sense (lost) “video,” but people have always used games as a distraction.  What I’m trying to say is this: painting the Sistine Chapel was no different from a marathon run of World of Warcraft.  Michelangelo was bored (for four years), and this was his distraction.

I guess that’s the essence of what I’m getting at… video games, or the need for distractions, is eternal.  Well, maybe not eternal.  Only since we as a human species haven’t had to worry about getting eaten by wild animals, die from the simple cold, or basically fight to survive.  Wait.  Scratch all that.

What I really want to say is thank Pong that video games exist.  And thank Pong this game doesn’t:

And thank Pong this kid recorded his experiment in tastelessness (perhaps) and ignorance (definitely):

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Hibbidy-Wah?! Video Game“, posted with vodpod

Do you think I’d get the same response if my gamer tag was PongDiedLOL?  Or what if instead of painting this:

This took four years? Heh. I could do it in two... hundred.

Ol’ Michelangelo painted this:

Get it? It's like Ping-Pong minus the Ping!

Also acceptable (and probably the better joke):

And the Lord said, "Let there be... Me-damn it! You scored again, Adam! Keep this up, and I'm making you a girlfriend that will keep interrupting you!"

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Sandra Bullock’s Pickle

Posted on by sgottahurt

Definition: pick•le (v)

fix; informal term for a difficult situation; “he got into a terrible fix”; “he made a muddle of his marriage”; “Sandra Bullock’s in quite a pickle”

Hot off of an Oscar (and Razzie) win, Sandra Bullock has found herself on the butt-end of a debacle involving her husband, Jesse James, possibly having an affair with tattoo canvas, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee.

James’ former paramour and mother of his daughter, Janine Lindemulder, was also a fan of porn, well, watch this video and see…

BONUS: Is the Oscar curse in full effect?

A Handful Of… Strange Facts I Know About Celebs’ Kin (Not To Be Confused With “Celeb Skin”)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Here’s some things I’ve picked up over the years and have never been able to put down.  Well, that might be an overstatement.  I could “put them down” in an insulting fashion, I’m sure.  I was attempting clever word play, and I’ve thus succeeded in coming off as pretentious… nice going, d-bag.

POTSIE’S COUSIN “INVENTED” THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER

Would you associate these two images? On second thought, strike that question from the record.

Anson Williams, a.k.a. Potsie Weber from Happy Days, was actually a Heimlick.  His second cousin was Dr. Henry Heimlich, the guy that named a move after himself.  I have a few things to say about this strange fact I know:

  1. I give credit to Happy Days as being the source of my taking an interest in the actual names of Actors! As a child, I remember being impressed by my parents ability to remember the characters’ real names, and I started paying attention to the, um, credits.
  2. Can you really be, um, credited with the “invention” or “creation” of something that can be done manually?  If that’s the case, then who invented the handshake?  The noogie?  The wet willie?  (I bet Willie was the first person to get a saliva-coated finger shoved in his ear.)
  3. Do you think Potsie was a precursor to the existence of Boner on Growing Pains?

EELS’ LEAD SINGER’S DAD ORIGINATED THE CONCEPT OF PARALLEL WORLDS

Remember this song?

If you didn’t, and you listen to it again, you now answer that same question differently.  I’ve pulled your current consciousness from one plane of existence (where you did not remember that song), into this plane where you do.  They both exist regardless of you decision.  And that’s kind what Hugh Everett III (father of the guy in the above video, Mark Oliver Everett, or simply E) talks about in his theory (as far as I can understand it).

I’m not too amazed by this “discovery” though… some pot head (a.k.a. Potsie) would have thought it up sooner or later.

PAPA OF NURSE HATHAWAY – SORRY, THE GOOD WIFE – WROTE THE ALKA-SELTZER JINGLE

Once upon a time, she pushed George Clooney away.

No matter what Julianna Margulies will be in for the rest off her life, I’ll always think of her as Nurse Hathaway on ER.  I bet the same thing can be said about her father, Paul, in relation to this earworm:

ONE OF THE MONKEES’ MAMAS MADE MISTAKE OUT

That one Monkee(s) happens to be Michael Nesmith.  And Mistake Out is better known to us as Liquid Paper.  I wrote about this before here.

AND THIS ONE I JUST LEARNED…

It’s not about kin, though… it’s just about one man… this man…

James Lipton in da howz!

Did you know he composed the theme song to Thundercats?!

(via Warming Glow)

InASense, Lost… Child Preachers

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve stated before how awesome it is that you can teach babies to read.  I might not have stated it on this site, seeing as how I can’t find any post that covered it, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.

But… I’m… beginning to have second thoughts about that…

…teaching kids, that is.  Anything.  Because then they grow up and become this:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “InASense, Lost… Child Preachers“, posted with vodpod