Video

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Tim And Eric And Angie Harmon

Posted on by sgottahurt

I really shouldn’t pick on kids. It’s not very becoming of me.

But that’s why I don’t ever want to have kids, because if they’re ugly, I’ll probably get famous arrested for putting them up on eBay.

That having been said, check out this kid’s melon.  You’ll figure out which one I’m talking about real quick.

Milk is great for healthy bones and eyebrows, I mean, hair.

This reminds me of that old Seinfeld episode when Elaine and Jerry are trying to set George up on a blind date, and the topic of eyebrows is brought up:

Elaine: What, you don’t think she’s beautiful?

Jerry: I don’t know, what’s with the eyebrows?

Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.

Jerry: I went out with you.

Elaine: That’s because my standards are too low. And by the way, you know,
women kill for eyebrows like that. Do you know that? I mean women pluck their
real eyebrows out of their head, one by one, until they’re bald, Jerry. Bald
above the eyes! And then they paint in these eyebrows to look like that.

Well anylourdes, while some people find Angie Harmon’s brows attractive, I agree with Jerry.  What’s with them?

Her poor daughter reminds me of Chippy from Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

  • Tim and Eric:

  • Chippy

  • Where’s My Chippy?

In Defense Of… Jon Benjamin Has A Van

Posted on by sgottahurt

I feel like I’m alone on an island, or in a windowless van, because nobody else I know likes Jon Benjamin Has a Van.

As someone put it (while I was likely drunk, so I don’t remember who):

It’s too weird to be mainstream, and not weird enough to be Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!

If you’re unfamiliar with anything I’m talking about, here’s a clip from JBHV:

Come on… that’s funny… enough.

Everything can’t be It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia:

Here’s the thing – H. Jon Benjamin is overdue for some serious screen time.  The first thing I saw him in was Baby Pranks, and that’s from 2006:

That was on the DVD for Home Movies, in which he played Coach McGuirk:

And don’t forget about his roles as/in Archer and Bob’s Burgers:

I guess what I’m saying is that it’s on Cartoon Network, they have weird things that require an acquired taste.

Hmm, what was that?  It’s on Comedy Central?

Jon Benjamin Has a Van, you will be missed, by only me apparently.  May you one day get referenced by Daniel Tosh before a commercial break.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Goodman & Upton (Is Not A Law Firm)

Posted on by sgottahurt

No, in this odd dream, Goodman & Upton were a Hollywood power couple.

I was hired to get to the bottom of their relationship, so I broke into this guy’s house:

Yeah, the Goodman was John.

To find out how he was able to date this hottie:

The Upton was Victoria's Secret model, Kate.

The dream kind of reminded me of a less-funny, more infuriating (out of pure jealousy) version of this video:

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Happy Find… The Legend Of Korra Preview

Posted on by sgottahurt

I.

Can’t.

Wait.

(Even though I have to.  Until when?  Maybe next year???)

(SIDENOTE: I think it’s kind of stupid that they can’t use Avatar in their title anymore because of the dumb tail-fucking blue people.  Avatar: The Last Airbender used it first!)

Maybe if I freeze myself, I can get to see Legend of Korra that much quicker…

Awful Battle… Screamo Vs. Bruno

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know which of these is worse.  Only you can decide:

  • I Set My Friends On Fire’s Things That Rhyme With Orange
  • Bruno Mars’ Marry You

If you’d like, give your reasoning in the comments.

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… Oliver & Billy Joel AND Huey Lewis?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This post presupposes that I had access to the TripleDoubleU or blogging before there was either… this would be my post back in 1988, when I was prime fodder for the TripleDoubleU or blogging these days.

This could be one of the best things I’ve ever heard.  Let me begin by introducing you to this guy: Dodger from Walt Disney Pictures new cartoon movie, Oliver & Company.

He's more Artist, than Artful.

First off, a new Disney cartoon film?  I haven’t seen one since I was a kid three years ago (that would be The Black Cauldron… I never got to see The Great Mouse Detective, mostly because I didn’t care to.)  Also, I didn’t think they made cartoon films anymore, at least not after the awesome Tron (I hope they make a sequel soon – it’s been seven years already).

But get this – Billy Joel is the voice of Dodger, and he sings Why Should I Worry? in it!  When’s the last time there was singing in a Disney movie… The Jungle Book back in the 60’s?!

And guess what’s even better?

Huey Lewis is performing the theme song, Once Upon a Time in New York City.  I can’t wait to get this cassette!  The only way this news could get any better is if my dream girl sang on the soundtrack:

In retrospect, what the hell is wrong with me?

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? The ABBA-Nicki-Minaj Collage

Posted on by sgottahurt

Initially, this post was going to bring up how the start of the chorus in Nicki Minaj’s Super Bass is quite reminiscent of the bridge in Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream, but I found another angle… a sign of the times, if you will.

(SIDENOTE: If you’re interested in which portion of the songs I speak of, here you go:

SUPER BASS: Boy you got my heart beat runnin’ away/ Beating like a drum and it’s coming your way

TEENAGE DREAM: I’ma get your heart racing/ In my skin-tight jeans / Be your teenage dream tonight

That is all…)

So anyhotties, what was I saying?  Oh yeah.

I only recently learned of this terrible song by ABBA called Super Trouper, and it got me thinking… this is a precursor to Nicki Minaj’s Super Bass.  Besides both of them having the world super in their titles, they both have a lot more in common than you’d think (I’ve included the full videos at the end of this post, after the jump).

Aside from one being about –

Super trouper lights are gonna find me…

– and the other being about –

Don’t you hear that heartbeat comin’ your way…

– in both videos you have the following:

  • Icy Blue Glows

    Check

  • Singer Closeups

    Check

  • Topless Men

    Check

  • Quick Costume Changes

    Check

  • Sound Stage Night Clubs

    Check

  • Unique Party Locales

    Check

  • Playing With Elements

    Check

  • Distinct Eye Makeup Choices
  • The Source Of Blue Glows Revealed as Spotlights

    Check

  • Optical Effects in the Third Act

    Everyone in ABBA gets a chance at being a GIF, so "check" again.

Read More

(More Than) A Handful Of… My Favorite Robot Sidekicks

Posted on by sgottahurt

Oh my circuits… this list could have went on and on and on and (you get the point).

Once, while in a very altered state, I admitted to wishing that I was a robot.  I’ve since blamed it on the alteredness of my mind, but I can’t deny one thing:

I love robots.

And I always have, ever since watching this show:

No, the Flying Robot is not trying to get Johnny Sokko. Although I do remember him as being quite annoying...

Please join me and my glorious list of (More Than) A Handful Of My Favorite Robot Sidekicks after the jump… Read More

Hibbidy-Wah?! This Ad Played Before A Kid’s Movie?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I didn’t see Harry Potter and the End of a Cash Cow Part II this weekend, but apparently in some theaters this ad was shown:

It’s a vast improvement over less fresh Summer’s Eve commercials:

It’s your move Massengill. Time to take this campaign…

…into the future:

Happy Find… First World Problems Rap

Posted on by sgottahurt

I originally saw this kid’s spoof of Rebecca Black’s Friday, and his speech impediment was off-putting.  This video is clever enough that I could ignore that.

His choices are what make this work because they are not easy attempts at humor.  For easy attempts at humor, check out the two videos below this one (or this blog on a regular basis):