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Drunken Recollection… Don’t Make A “Great One” Pun, Don’t Make A “Great Two” Pun

Posted on February 8, 2012 by sgottahurt

I’m a late entry fan to hockey and the NHL. But having said that, I’ve been a fan since 1995. Since then, I’ve been aware of Wayne Grezky and his status as The Great One, but I never witnessed any of the feats he performed to attain such an acknowledgement.

(SIDENOTE: Much to my chagrin, the same thing goes for Barry Sanders. I’ve only started following the NFL since 2006…)

Anywayne, add to my disappointment that I didn’t know The Great One had a 22-year-old daughter that had a predilection to post provocative pictures of herself on Twitter. And if G.I. Joe taught me anything, knowing is half the battle. (However, it did not teach me not to drink before playing soccer.)

Here are some pictures of Paulina Gretzky in case you too were iced out (sadly, The Great one has since made her quit using Twitter… talk about a slap shot):

She did not borrow those glasses from any officials, I'm telling you...

Hat trick. I just had to make some caption.

Puck.

(More pics here.)

So now I find myself in a similar quandary as I did when I had my crush on Chris Elliott’s daughter, Abby:

More like, Sunday Morning Live

And my upcoming crush on Mirror Mirror star, Lily Collins, daughter of Phil Collins (she plays Snow White in the re-imagining):

Sadly, her father does not play one of the Seven Dwarfs.

Imagine if this dude was singing this song to any of the above dads:

Happy Find… Here Are Some Videos (I’m Tired Of Writing Today)

Posted on February 3, 2012 by sgottahurt

I’ve been meaning to post these for a while. One’s about poop. One’s Japanese. That’s all you should need to know.

Did I mention this one was Japanese?

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Diva Diets

Posted on February 2, 2012 by sgottahurt

Here’s a riddle:

Which came first? The diva or the diet?

It’s pretty weird that Mariah Carey, Jennifer Hudson, and Janet Jackson all happen to be in ads for Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and NutriSystem respectively. I wonder which one inspired the remainder of the campaigns (Coinkydonk), or did they all happen to happen at the same time (Coinkydink)?

(SIDENOTE: It’s no Coinkydink that Mariah’s is the most annoying commercial of all time.)

BUT WAIT! These musical divas aren’t the only ones chiming in.

You also have Charles Barkley (for Weight Watchers) and Terry Bradshaw (for NutriSystem):

The only riddle that remains:

When will this athlete do ads for Jenny Craig?

That's called a (calorie) burn, Tom Brady.

A Handful Of… Odd Guest Appearances In Songs

Posted on February 1, 2012 by sgottahurt

Having only recently rediscovered What Have I Done to Deserve This courtesy of satellite radio, I never realized Dusty Springfield sang with the Pet Shop Boys. To anyone born since 1990, these words have no meaning. This is the song on a little something the kids call, the YouTube:

Why this seems surprising to me is Dusty Springfield sang Son of a Preacher Man… not 80’s British synthpop. For comparison (you may know this song if you were born after 1990… I’m sure it’s been featured on American Idol at one time or another):

Having shared that, I decided to drudge up A Handful Of Odd Guest Appearances In Songs, so here they are:

Aretha Franklin and George Michael’s I Knew You Were Waiting For Me

Arethra Franklin used to be huge instead of just huge, and George Michael was still a respected chap. This one wasn’t completely out of left-field, but in retrospect, it is odd… ly wonderful, me thinks:

Eminem and Pink’s Won’t Back Down

Eminem teaming up with Pink is like Eminem teaming up with P!nk… it didn’t seem like something that would happen. But I’m glad it did:

Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson’s Say Say Say

I would have rather used The Girl is Mine as my example, but I ~~didn’t look too hard for~~ couldn’t find it. So teaming up a former Beatle with a former Jackson 5-er isn’t that strange, until you realize it was during these collaborations in which McCartney suggested to Jackson that he should buy all the rights to his music, which in turn lead to Jackson buying many of the rights to The Beatles music:

The KLF and Tammy Wynette’s Justified and Ancient

I still have no idea what this song is about. But it’s another Brit pop band/American country artist match-up:

Bing Crosby and David Bowie’s Little Drummer Boy/ Peace On Earth

This is an odd pairing, but it’s not the strangest:

Rihanna and Chris Brown’s Bad Girl

This. Is. Wrong. But still… not the worst:

Mindless Behavior and Ciara’s My Girl

These kids are in their early teens; Ciara is 26 (I thought she was older). They still shouldn’t be performing like this together. This is why so many teachers are having sex with their students, I ~~don’t~~ suspect:

Musical Musings… Imagined Re-Imaginings Of Other Songs

Posted on January 25, 2012 by sgottahurt

We live in a world that’s becoming more and more full of remakes, reboots, and re-imaginings. What if some songs we know and maybe love are in reality re-imaginings of older songs?

What if DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince’s You Saw My Blinker (Bitch)…

…was really re-imagined as Ludacris’ Move Bitch?

What if Huey Lewis and The News’ I Want a New Drug…

…was really re-imagined as Nine Inch Nails’ The Perfect Drug?

What if Christopher Cross’ Sailing…

…was really re-imagined as AWOLNATION’s Sail?

What if The Whispers’ Rock Steady…

…was really re-imagined as LMFAO’s Party Rock Anthem?

What if Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back…

was really re-imagined as Big Sean and Nicki Minaj’s Ass?

(SIDENOTE: I always love making this song the butt of my joke…)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Crappy Commercials

Posted on January 22, 2012 by sgottahurt

How bad would it feel to go from having a great guest spot as rapper Lil’ Kev on a popular TV show like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia:

To having your voice over dubbed (or playing a voice actor’s body) in this TurboTax commercial:

Just Shitty, I’d imagine. But compared to these other shittier commercials, this one is The Shit.

DUMB AS SHIT

Airborne Effervescent Tablets not only rip-off an old special effect from a 1992 movie, it contains one of the dumbest looking and sounding animated spokescharacters I’ve ever seen. Mix that with the lawsuit Airborne faced a couple years ago regarding misleading advertising, and it wins being Dumb as Shit. (I was going to make an inappropriate comment about the tablets not giving the woman her boobs back, but I opted not to.)

ANNOYING AS SHIT

I like the J. Geils Band, and I’m sure that Energizer Lithium Batteries work great, but the version of the music used in this ad drives me up the wall. It butchers the hook, and keeps going and going and going…

CRAPPY AS SHIT

Happy’s Pizza is a local pizzeria (natch), and this is the commercial they ran around Halloween last year. I’ve written about how poor their ad department is before, but this one takes the ~~cake~~ pizza pie.

Happy Find… Just Watch This Apropos Of Nothing

Posted on January 20, 2012 by sgottahurt

I’m not even going to preface this video. Well, aside from prefacing with this non-preface.

Hibbidy-Wah?! Are You Effing Kidding Me?

Posted on January 19, 2012 by sgottahurt

No.

Seriously.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Click this picture to read the Amazon reviews.

I’m not about to jump on the bandwagon of slamming some misguided, self-righteous kid, but boy… do I want to. This is one of those situations best illustrated by illustrations I made to defend Justin Bieber:

By hating on McKay Hatch and his No Cussing Club, you only make his message stronger. But then he goes and makes videos like this, and it takes you somewhere completely different:

The only reason I know about him and his fruitless endeavor is because he came out against an episode of Modern Family in which the toddler Lily says:

Fudge.

That’s really what she said in real life. Fudge. They just bleeped it out like Jimmy Kimmel does in his Unnecessary Censorship:

And he wonders why he’s “the most cyberbullied kid in the world”?

Here are rational reasons why; here’s the irrational; and here’s one more.

InASense, Lost… InASense, Confused… InASense, No Longer Hungry

Posted on January 15, 2012 by sgottahurt

This was originally going to be a simpler post. A lackadaisical examination of Google’s search engine. An uncovering of why any time you type in an actress’ name the second search result is her name +feet. But then this happened:

And the Masters of the Microwave

I watched the original version in Italian on their website, and it confounded me. I hoped the subtitled version would help… and… well… check it out for yourself:

Musical Musings… Not “That” Again…

Posted on January 12, 2012 by sgottahurt

I had so much fun the last time I did that, I’m doing it again.

There are more songs that use that in the title than I previously thought of, so I’m here to clear the air on some more songs with obvious ambiguity.