Last night was the first time I ever watched Fox’s ADHD (Animation Domination High Definition, I think). This was the opening:
I was blown away. It was succinct. It captured the week’s pop culture highlights. Including a potential SPOILER.
But I was extremely drunk. My Detroit Tigers had almost completed a post-season no-hitter against the Boston Red Sox, which was also a 1-0 victory. I honestly had to have had almost (if not exactly) ten Blue Moons.
So is this brilliant? Click each day for the relating link:
So let me get to the point – Google has an ad for their new Maps app. Let’s take a peak:
Google Maps takes you to Detroit?! That’s what they want to represent?
The Detroit I see in the ad is one I’d like to visit, but three break-ins in three months got me to move out of there. And now the city is as bankrupt as its government officials were when it comes to morals and serving the people.
Nice try at being edgy, Google. If you love downtown so much, why don’t you move your offices from Ann Arbor to the Motor City?
You can’t, eh? Oh. It’s because you’re using Apple Maps.
I regularly watch Conan on TBS mostly out of guilt for not watching him regularly on The Tonight Show before he got shit-canned from NBC. But that feeling of unease cannot compare to the stomach flip I feel when someone disses Andy Richter, like comedian Nick Thune did during this appearance on the show (it happens at about the 5:30 mark):
What’s wrong with the world? Why can’t people just be polite?! It takes minimum time and provides maximum comfort. If people could only rectify their wrongs– wait, Nick Thune did what?
I’ve mentioned it before (here and here), and I’ll mention it again – I have a very short list of serious fears. Irrational? That list would go on forever.
Candiru (look ’em up)
I’m really beginning to rethink that order because there’s a certain type of aliens that might be the worst. But I’ll get to that in a second. Here’s the preview for what I might find the scariest movie ever made! Oh yeah… it’s called Dark Skies:
I can’t find the newest preview (nor do I really want to try that hard), but in that one, it seems that this film is about BEK’s. That’s short for Black Eyed Kids. Oh, I wish I could make a joke about the Black Eyed Peas right now, believe me.
You can click here for a Google image search of them for your own, but an image search alone won’t do it justice. Howzabout a couple of stories from the ol’ TripleDoubleU to unsettle you in…
These strange Black Eyed Children, who can appear or vanish at a moment’s notice, seem to be between the ages of 8 and 16. Their skin is pale or pasty colored, described by some as looking plastic or artificial, and their mannerisms are odd. Witnesses describe their clothing as odd and drab – blue jeans and a hoodie or very old-fashioned, handmade clothing. Bizarre electrical phenomena occurs when they are around, such as a garage door inexplicably opening.
When a man in Dallas arrived home, he saw a boy at his door who repeated “I think it’s food time. You should invite me inside.” The man’s protective pit bull came running toward the front door, but as it got closer to the boy, it whimpered and ran away, hiding under the bed for days afterward.
A man named Paul was home alone when someone knocked on this door. He opened it and saw two kids about 10 years old standing on his steps with their heads down. They said, “Hey, we just thought we’d stop in for a bit.” The kids insisted they be let into the house. Thinking they had the wrong house, Paul stepped forward to get a better look and made eye contact. Their eyes were solid black, including the sclera.
Jason Offutt, another researcher into the Black Eyed Children phenomenon, gives this account:
Around 10:45 on a warm night, as 18-year-old Carris Holdsworth approached her apartment in Lisburn, Northern Ireland, she saw two teenagers in hoodies and jeans standing in her yard with their backs to her. As she attempted to slip away unseen, she fumbled in her purse for pepper spray. At that very moment, the boys turned to face her and, as if reading her mind, one said, “No need for that, we just want to borrow your phone, miss.” When she caught a glimpse of their pitch black eyes, not a trace of white or a pupil, she panicked and raced to her apartment, locking the door behind her. The boys following close behind, knocked on her door. She ignored it. After a second knock, fearing for her safety she phoned a friend to come over. When the friend arrived, the boys ran away.
Initially, I was going to write about this bath salts warning video, but upon finding out about this, I couldn’t resist…
THE HUTZLER 571 BANANA SLICER
This is the original picture. Wait for the “original pictures.”
Apparently, many people have taken great joy in usurping this product’s listing on Amazon. You can check it all out here, but these are some highlights:
All my bananas curve the wrong way to use the slicer. (CAPTION FROM AMAZON)
Minds blown… (CAPTION FROM AMAZON)
Great product, but don’t get it mixed up with the banana! (CAPTION FROM AMAZON)
Mine didn’t come with instructions, so I’m returning it. Also, call me when they make one that gives you smaller slices. -Pen Name
No more winning for you, Mr. Banana! For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story. Banana slicer…thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon. -SW3K
I’m SO glad Hutzler came out with a plastic, dishwasher-safe version with this model (571). Finally! A banana slicer that’s TSA approved for airline travel in your carry-on luggage. With baggage-check fees being so high, I try to avoid checking bags whenever possible, but I just couldn’t travel without my (360-series) stainless steel banana slicer. But now, problem solved!!!! Travel with the plastic 571 version and no checked-baggage fees! No more having to use coffee stirrers from the hotel coffee service to slice my breakfast banana! You can even use it in-flight if you remember to buy a banana from Starbucks before you board. This will be perfect for our trip to Ecuador this summer!!!! Would have gotten 5 stars if it came with a carrying case to keep it clean. -Chryssa Jones
Waiting for 671 to buy. Need one of these *very badly* but anxious that as soon as I buy one… the next model will be out, what with all the new features and such. Don’t know if it is worth the wait, or if I will be disappointed with my 571 when all my friends have the 671? any thoughts? -rrrabbitt “rrrabbitt”
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 160,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 8 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
Just in time for Christmas Eve, I’ve assembled a list of containing A Handful Of items I may actually want, even though I told all my loved ones not to buy me anything because I didn’t buy them anything. Will they listen this year? Hopefully. But they haven’t yet, and I feel like a real dick when they do. Unless that’s what they wanted. Then they did get a gift from me after all!
This game looks just like you’re playing the TV show. Do you know how many times I’ve wished Friends would have done that? Oh, and I should mention this – I would like the 360 pre-order version so I can get Mysterion. So what if this doesn’t come out until next year. I can wait.
Final words before my inevitable incarceration: “See you all later… you know, because I was secretly video taping you.”
My sister actually brought these to my attention, and they haven’t left my consciousness since. I brought up the possibility of getting these to a few friends, and one deftly responded: “Creepersville.” My initial interest was genuine – wear this to bars to capture conversation flows or to a soccer game to get a first-person perspective of my awfulness. But it’s there – right on the fringe of Creepersville no matter my intent. The only other inevitable problem is that I have enough difficulty living in the moment as it is. With these, I’ll be living in perpetual time-delay.