Hibbidy-Wah?! Snooki’s Rasslin’?
This. Is. Beyond. Words.
What’s next?
Pauly D in a Baskin Robbins ad?
Finis.
Sports
Hibbidy-Wah?! My Mind Is In The Pitts For Sure
This is almost a post I don’t want to do. It’s not that I don’t want to do it… It’s more that I shouldn’t.
And it’s not even that I shouldn’t… It’s just that, well, how about I stop beating around the bush…
This was not cut out by scissoring.
It’s about the company name up above.
I was recently watching someone playing the Pittsburgh Penguins at home, and my trained eye caught an ad in the Mellon Arena for Trib Total Media. Who in their right mind would name their company that? Who wouldn’t stop them and tell them what it’s short for?! I covered this in one of my earliest posts, and I’m still not comfortable explaining it! That’s why my lips are sealed!
So I guess that’s why this was a post I didn’t want to do… because I didn’t want it to rub anyone the wrong way.
JusWondering… Why Aren’t There More Mythical Moves Named After Players
Currently, a certain phone company is running a campaign featuring Alexander Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals:
He uses that stick to keep from tipping over.
In the ad, they play with his name and create a mythical move… the Ovechtrick. In other words, “a hat-trick of hat-tricks.” In other-other words, “nine goals.” It’s not an impossible move, but it is insanely unlikely. (The most goals scored in one game was 7… by Joe Malone… in 1920.)
So I was JusWondering, what other mythical moves could be invented based upon famous athletes names? Here are a few…
THE PETE RAISE, A.K.A. THE RE-PETE ROSE
I bet you didn't see this joke coming.
This move, named after Cincinnati Reds’ legend Pete Rose (‘natch), is a daring tactic. Comparable to the let it ride, it involves putting everything on the line, much like how the player played the game of baseball. It differs only in the sense that it always works.
Here he is, putting it all on the line.
Like the Ovechtrick above, the Pete Raise is a mythical move, not to be used at any casino, or when online betting @ BetUS.com… unless you’re feeling luckier than Pete Rose, of course.
THE YELLOW FAVRE
It's highly contagious.
Not quite on the level as (in fact, it’s nowhere near) another disease named after a sports legend (*tugs collar uncomfortably*), this mythical disease causes a player to keep moving, not just on the field, but from team to team. And not in any quiet fashion. The move must be made into a BIG DEAL.
You do not want to get a call from this guy. Or a text, apparently.
Initially thought to be isolated to one man and one sport, it appears that The Yellow Favre is spreading…
Told ya it was contagious.
THE SHAQ FREE
He's immune to the Yellow Favre.
Not to be confused with Shaq Fu (or Steel for that matter), this is the mythical move in which Shaquille O’Neal never misses a free-throw. This is the most magical move of all. Mostly because Shaq has the luck of the Irish on his side. Perhaps he might want to take his chances with The Pete Raise?
Worth 1002 Words… Baby Splat Edition
Try Forgetting
Some altern–
–who am I kidding?! Look at that thing! Aah!
A Handful Of… Trapped People Flicks
Buried - not to be confused with Barried, Barried, or Berried
I pretty much ignored Ryan Reynolds’ Buried when it came out in the theaters, and I pretty much ignored its arrival on DVD. What I have been unable to ignore is the constant bombardment of James Franco’s 127 Hours, which is now in wide-release courtesy of its Academy Award nominations.
This further reminded me of two things.
- How the screenwriter of Buried, Chris Sparling, basically begged to be nominated for an Oscar.
- How 127 Hours is basically the same thing, and it is nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay.
But wait… isn’t one about a guy in a coffin and the other one about a guy cutting his arm off?
Yes, but they are both essentially “unfilmable” stories about a man trapped. And they aren’t the only ones. Here are A Handful Of Trapped People Flicks.
I can see it now... "Buried 4 127 Hours"
- Rope (1948) – people trapped in real-time murder plot
- Die Hard (1988) – man trapped in terrorist-filled building
- Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990) – man trapped in terrorist-filled airport
- Under Siege (1992) – man trapped on terrorist-filled battleship
- Toy Soldiers (1991) – student trapped in terrorist-filled school
- Passenger 57 (1992) – man trapped on terrorist-filled airplane
- Speed (1994) – people trapped on speeding bus
- Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) – man trapped on speeding terrorist-filled train
- Executive Decision (1996) – man trapped on terrorist-filled airplane
- Daylight (1996) – people trapped in underground tunnel
- Air Force One (1997) – man trapped on president’s terrorist-filled airplane
- Con Air (1997) – man trapped on criminal-filled airplane
- Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) – people trapped on speeding terrorist-filled cruise ship
- Cast Away (2000) – man trapped on island
- Phone Booth (2002) – man trapped in phone booth (written by Larry Cohen)
- Open Water (2004) – people trapped in shark-infested waters
- Cellular (2004) – man trapped in terrible plot involving keeping a cell phone powered (written by Larry Cohen)
- Penny Dreadful (2006) – woman trapped in a car
- Captivity (2007) – woman trapped in underground lair (also written by Larry Cohen)
- Frozen (2010) – people trapped on a ski lift
- Buried (2010) – man trapped in coffin
- 127 Hours (2010) – man trapped underground by a rock
- Unstoppable (2010) – men trapped on a missile the size of the Chrysler Building
Awful Battle… Jaw Dropping Videos (A Progression In Three Parts)
This is a situation where it’s best for you to sit down. Yes, I realize you’re probably already sitting since you’re using a computer or mobile device to check out this awesome website, but I want your brain to sit down, too.
This will start off a simple enough exercise (literally) and will eventually end up with a simple enough exorcise (bonus literally). Be wary as you embark on this Awful Battle…
(SIDENOTE: I think that’s a dude in the last video…)
I Am Thankful For… Victoria’s Former Secret, Candice Swanepoel
As I sit and watch my Detroit Lions blow their chance to obliterate the Dallas Cowboys (and former Lions quarterback, John Kitna) and walk away with the better record of 3-7 vs. 2-8, I’ve decided to discover and uncover the beauty that is Candice Swanepoel.
It took me a little while to figure who she was after seeing her in a Victoria’s Secret commercial, and I’ve done it! Unlike the Lions (they didn’t do it)…
To erase the loss from my memory, here’s Candice in a cowgirl costume:
Yee-haw!
The rest is pure bonus:
She may not be a lioness, but she's close...
The Lions will be flying home for another game on Thanksgiving!
Here's to hoping they can clean up their own mess. I, on the other hand, could use Ms. Swanepoel's help.
BONUS! BONUS! VIDEO!
Hibbidy-Wah?! 25 Years Passed Again?!
First, I could deal with it when Back to the Future celebrated its 25th Anniversary:
Remember that Saturday Night Live skit where Dana Carvey kept singing, "Gotta go back in time" to Michael J. Fox while they were in an elevator? Yeah, neither do I.
Then it kind of stunned me when I found out Super Mario Bros was also 25 years old (watch the video on the linked site for some digital nostalgia):
Are we sure this wasn't an Atari 7800 game?
And then! I found out Elmo from Sesame Street has been around for a quarter century:
He's the one that's not Grover.
But this was the last straw… the Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle happened 5×5 years ago:
(Bonus Elmo and Ricky Gervais video after the jump) Read More
The Sh– To Just Sh–ty And A Hibbidy-Wah?! WTF Is Hulk Hogan Doing?!
I don’t mean to go and spoil the below video, but spoil you I must:
Hulk's showing off his real American.
What in the flying fuck is this not only doing in a promo for a stupid looking video game, but why in the flying suplex is Hulk Hogan pulling out his thumb wrestler in front of his daughter Brooke?! Whether it’s real or not, it’s really dumb for real.
This could have also been filed under from The Shit To Just Shitty… behold:
- The Shit
- Just Shitty
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? If The Cleats Fett, I Mean, Fit…
I don’t find it strange that fans of this team:
The Detroit Lions currently have a better record than the Dallas Cowboys. The Cowboys have won five Super Bowls to our zero!
Are also fans of these college football teams:
Hail Sadism and Masochism!
I imagine that their viewing parties look a little bit like this:
Pictured: Boba Fetish, with Slave I and Sluttrooper
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