Music

Musical Musings… What A Difference A Letter Makes

Posted on by sgottahurt

I'm about to turn your world upside-down, too.

I once wrote a poem entitled, “Where Do All the Deleted Letters Go?” (I considered posting it here, but that would have required me importing some old ASCII code documents into Word and performing a lot of clean up.  Needless to say, if anyone requests it, I’ll post it in the comments.)

Anywhoknowswhereallthedeletedlettersgo, one letter can make a world of difference.  Whether it’s changed out, or simply added, an entire piece can gain new meaning and influence.  Take the song Don’t You (Forget About Me) as an example (via Moviefone):

The theme song of ‘The Breakfast Club‘ was originally called ‘Won’t You Forget About Me?‘ but was changed to the more insistent ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)‘ after the song’s writer, Keith Forsey, learned that Molly Ringwald’s and Judd Nelson’s characters wind up together in the end. The Simple Minds recording went on to become one of the biggest hits of 1985.

It’s not a huge deal, but it’s still a deal, so let’s make a deal or no deal.  Sorry about that.  I don’t know what my deal was there.

So I thought of a couple of letter changes and editions that might make a hit song not so much so…

  • Britney Spears’ Toxic becomes Tonic

Updated lyrics:

With a taste of your lips
I now did decide
You’re tonic, I’m sipping soda
With a tastelessness of a seltzer slide
I’m indifferent to you
Don’t you know that you’re tonic

  • Finger Eleven’s Paralyzer becomes Paralyzed

Updated lyrics:

Well I am paralyzed
And I seem to be stuck by you
I want to make any move
You’re also staying still
If your body matches
What my eyes can’t do
You probably won’t move left or right, too
Me in my bed by you

  • Kesha’s Tik Tok becomes Tike Toke

Updated lyrics:

Don’t stop, sip some pop
Mama, roll my doobie up
Tonight, I’mma bite
Teddy Grahams all night
Tike toke on the bong
But the blazin’ don’t stop
No No Joan
Goodnight, Moon

I would have written more, but I thought this was a funny enough ending.

A Handful Of… Songs That Have Made Me, Um, Cry

Posted on by sgottahurt

This idea occurred to me after seeing whatever commercial uses Gene Wilder singing Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  (To be fair, I’m pretty sure it’s for a certain telecommunication company, but since my cell phone can’t hold a call, my memory can’t hold a sponsor.)

Anygobstopper, here’s the original scene from the movie to move you:

What a haunting melody… man, was that movie dark or what?

Another classic that chokes me up fairly consistently: Harry Chapin’s Cat’s in the Cradle.

Damn, just looking these up is killing me.  Curse you Five for Fighting, and your 100 Years.

The next two are definitely more personal than the above, but no less inherently tear-jerky (well, perhaps one is more so than the other): Mike + The Mechanics’ The Living Years and Joe Jackson’s Steppin’ Out.

And finally Sarah McLachlan’s Angel gets a mention because of the ASPCA TV ads, not for City of Angels.

Wow.  This post wasn’t funny at all.  Let me remedy that with an anecdote I heard about Arnold Schwarzenegger today:

While golfing, the Governator asked an opponent, “When was you last blowjob?”  The guy responds with a laugh, “A couple nights ago, I guess.”  Then while the guy’s taking his swing, Arnie adds in the Terminator’s voice, “How did it taste?”   Needless to say, the guy choked (pun!)…

Finis.

(anecdote via Dakota and here)

Hibbidy-Wah?! Foreign Pop Culture Is Foreign To Me

Posted on by sgottahurt

I consider myself to be quite the pop culture pundit.  American pop culture, that is.  I’d go as far as to say we as a nation created it, although that may not be entirely true.

Imagine my Hibbidy-Wah?! reaction when my co-worker pal Dave found this YouTube video of an Italian pop star that has over 10 million hits!  (I’m sure the view count has little to do with the song.)

Her full name is Sabrina Salerno and this song came out in 1987.  It hit the Top 5 in most European countries (of course), but as far as I could find, it never made its way here.  Let it be known that as of 2009, she was still releasing new music.

SIDENOTE: Are we sure the song isn’t really called, Buoys?

This leads me to a recent discovery of my own, and a reluctant admission.

— I enjoy watching crappy movies that are on Comcast’s OnDemand. —

There.  I said it.  It feels… like no big deal if I don’t list the turds I’ve subjected myself to, such as Toxic Avenger 1 & 2, Cherry 2000, Happy Birthday to Me, G.O.R.P., and most recently, Hot Bubblegum.

I miss clam shells...

What I thought was a foreign ripoff of Porky’s was actually the third film in series that inspired the American (and in Porky’s case – Canadian) sex romps.

The nine film series (what is this… American Pie?!) started with 1978’s Lemon Popsicle.  Here’s the preview:

To anyone up on their early 80’s filmography that might have looked familiar:

The Last American Virgin was directed by Boaz Davidson… the same guy that directed the first four Lemon Popsicle films!  (Think of it as precursor to our recent slew of American remakes of foreign films.)

I guess other than these revelations, I don’t have much else to say.  Other than this…

— They should remake Cherry 2000 with Megan Fox in Melanie Griffith’s role! —

I'm quite serious.

Musical Musings… What’s The Deal With The Music Circa 93-95?

Posted on by sgottahurt

The other day, BoDeans’ Closer to Free sneaked its way back onto my radio from 1993, and it refueled my loathing of it.  Why do I despise it?  Although it was the theme to Party of Five (and apparently in Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron), that’s not why I can’t stand it.  Just listen to it:

Ugh.

But then all of the sudden, a few other songs popped in my head that had long ago wore out their welcome (or never had a welcome in the first place), and that’s when I realized the title of this post (in the style of Seinfeld):

What’s the deal with some of the music that came out between 1993 and 1995?

Need examples? How about this 1993 song that’s actually from 1988.  It’s probably what started this sound scene…

Although I can still enjoy The Proclaimers’ I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) from time to rare time, I can no longer even tolerate The Rembrandts’ I’ll Be There For You.  Did you know it was written by the creators of Friends and shopped around?  OMG!  It was written by the creators of Friends and shopped around.

And then there was Blues Traveler’s Run-Around everywhere you turned (their Hook gets a pass – its video is quite the time capsule merely for containing the late host of Remote Control, Ken Ober):

Make it stop, you say.  I say here’s Spin Doctor’s Two Princes:

And howzabout Deadeye Dick’s New Age Girl:

Okay, that song I still like, and it has nothing to do with the song being in Dumb and Dumber.  (To be honest, I’m not a fan of The Farrelly Brothers.)  But this song has to be considered the death knell of the movement.  The nail in the coffin.  The Roll to Me by Del Amitri.  Seriously, this song sucks:

It’s all of this music’s fault that we still have to deal with these guys:

Hey, Dave Matthews Band!  What Would You Say if I said jam bands suck?

Happy Finds… Help! In Many Forms

Posted on by sgottahurt

This video has made it’s way around the ol’  TripleDoubleU a-plenty (why am I typing like that?), but that’s not gonna hinder me from a-placin’ it right ‘ere ag’in (it’s getting worse!)…

So wit’ that whole mess in mind, get yerself o’er ta this spiderweb sightin’ if’n ya might be fixin’ to help some kin:

(Click pic for link)

Kickstarter is a place one might find ’emselves at if yer lookin’ to be like tha ol’ kings and queens were wit’ dolin’ out fundin’ to projects like tha Moner Lisa or discoverin’ tha New World*.

If’n yer more inclined to offerin’ yer services at a whoppin’ five bones a crack, then look no further than Fiverr:

(Click pic for link)

Now if’n only someone could help me wit’ wha’ever ’tis I got goin’ on ‘ere, that’d be dandy.

(*not historically accurate)

Drunken Recollection… Dream Cast Of X-Men: First Class

Posted on by sgottahurt

Sega had a different idea than me.

With the new (first?) (only?) A-Team movie coming out, we got to talking about the cast over some beers.  We decided this dream cast (not the one above) would have been quite a coup:

The Dream Team

Bruce Willis as Hannibal, Brad Pitt as Face, Jim Carrey as Murdoch, and Michael Clarke Duncan as B.A. Baracus would have been expensive as hell, and I’m not calling the current cast the B-Team (ha!), but these guys would be totally worth it.

So then we started discussing that Matthew Vaughn (the guy that made Kick-Ass independent of any studio) will be helming X-Men: First Class. It should be noted that he was set to be the original director of X-Men 3 (which he hated).  Since our train of thought was already on IRF (Ideal Role Fulfillment), this was the station our one track minds arrived at:

Yes, please.

Michael Rosenbaum could replace Patrick Stewart as a younger Professor X.  Rosenbaum already carries comic credentials under his belt (he plays Lex Luthor on Smallville), so he already has the experience of playing the earlier version of an icon.  Plus, DC owes Marvel someone since Green Lantern took Ryan Reynolds from Deadpool.  Besides, audiences don’t care if Actors! double up on beloved characters (Captain Jean-Luc Picard held his ground as Professor X, Human Torch as Captain America, Han Solo as Indiana Jones, as so on).

It's the hair that won the job.

Replacing Magneto was tough.  I started with Jude Law, another Brit, taking over for Sir Ian McKellen.  But then we tried thinking about perhaps an Actor! of Jewish decent, since Erik Magnus Lehnsherr happened to be, and we could think of none.  So they fought Law, and Law won.

And as for Cyclops / Scott Summers, this thought popped in our head…

Please no.

…and the game ended.

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… John Williams’ Theme To Star Wars

Posted on by sgottahurt

Some days you wake up to find out you crapped the bed.  Other days, you wake up to find out the bed crapped on you.

Today, I found out John Williams (and George Lucas) crapped in my bed.

(more on this here)

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Songs About Obsolete Technology

Posted on by sgottahurt

We’ve been busier at work the last few months (hence me running behind on new posts at times), so my friend/boss Paul has been unable to create a new list to share.  Today, before heading to golf, he created this new list to share.

CD's may soon go the way of the phonograph...

Top 5 Songs About Obsolete Technology

5.) Spiderwebs – No Doubt
What’s Obsolete: screening phone calls over answering machines
What’s Replaced It: caller ID
Shelf-Life for Replacement: indefinite

4) The Letter – Box Tops (or Joe Cocker, or American Idol’s Lee Dewyze)
What’s Obsolete: writing letters
What’s Replaced It: writing emails
Shelf-Life for Replacement: not long… kids today think emailing is outdated

3) You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) – Dead or Alive
What’s Obsolete: LP records

Paul’s additional note:

I felt real old when my five year-old daughter asked me, ‘What’s a record, dad?’

What’s Replaced It: CD’s (also, Right Round by Flo Rida)
Shelf-Life for Replacement: ever hear of iPods or Pandora?

2) Escape (The Pina Colada Song – Rupert Holmes
What’s Obsolete: personal ads in the newspaper
What’s Replaced It: Craigslist and web dating services
Shelf-Life for Replacement: as long as people are looking for other strangers to screw, they’ll be around

1) Beepers – Sir Mix-A-Lot
What’s Obsolete: pagers
What’s Replaced It: cell phones
Shelf-Life for Replacement: until they implant telecommunications into our brains, cell phones are it

(above image via Gizmodo)

Musical Musings… That’s The Title Of The Song? Really?

Posted on by sgottahurt

"Don't worry 'bout a thing..."

While driving to the radio and jamming my car (wait I think I mixed that up), I was listening to a Bob Marley song.  I always thought it was called “Don’t Worry,” but then I started to worry about the perception of reality when it was revealed to me that the song was in fact called “Three Little Birds.” My universe came crashing down around me.  I screamed at the top of my lungs:

How could anyone do this to me?!

But then I realized Marley does mention three little birds in the song, and all was well with the world.  And it’s not like any other musicians have ever given their song a title, and then not repeated the titular line in their lyrics.

Here’s a list of musicians and their songs that don’t use the title in the lyrics:

Moby’s Porcelain should be called That Song From “The Beach” Preview

The Who’s Baba O’Riley should be called Future CSI Opening Credits (or Teenage Wasteland, I guess)

Gorillaz’s Clint Eastwood should be called Hey, What Happened? (The Cartoon Band Song)

Wyclef Jean’s Perfect Gentleman should be (and usually is) called The Stripper Song

Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit should be called A Mulatto, An Albino, A Mosquito, My Libido (a pretty cool name, no?)

Blur’s Song 2 should be called Only Song (‘natch)

Staind’s Epiphany should be called Waaaah… Wait, what?  Are you sure he didn’t say that in the song?

System of a Down’s Chop Suey should be called Wake Up!  Why Don’t You Put On a Little Makeup (or whatever it is that he says)

The Toadies’ Possum Kingdom should be called I’ll Not Be a Gentleman, which is somehow a creepier line independent of the song

The Righteous Brothers’ Unchained Melody should be called I Need Your Love

Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody should be called Mama, I Killed a Man or Beelzebub

The Refreshments’ Banditos should be called The World is Full of Stupid People

Fall Out Boy’s The Take Over, The Breaks Over should be called We Don’t Fight Fair (and don’t get me started on most of their other song titles)

Panic! At the Disco’s Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Off Her Clothes should be called anything shorter than that, like Testosterone Boys and Harlequin Girls (and especially don’t get me started on almost all their other song titles other than Nine in the Afternoon)

Green Day’s Basket Case should be called The Creeps (they also have a penchant for mismatched song titles, like Longview and Brain Stew and She…)

And the kings of not using song titles in their lyrics – Muse!

  • Uprising should be called They Will Not Control Us
  • Resistance should be called Could Be Wrong
  • Hysteria should be called Cause I Want It Now
  • Knights of Cydonia should be called No One’s Gonna Take Me Alive (the video should also be turned into a movie)
  • Starlight should be called what it already is…

(thanks to this site and this thread for some ideas)

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Musician Names As Things Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

(Not So) Artistic Representation

This edition is a free-for-all.  Mostly because the letters and numbers deal-i-o gets to be a bit much.

Basically, you’re going to look at this giant JPG and name which artist is represented by each image.  It will be their last name, or their entire name, but it’s right there in the picture.  Some are super easy; some are obscure; some are pushing it.

They are all solo artists, at one point or another.  As one parting example, the above graphic is of POP (if you’re in the Midwest, at least)…  POP = IGGY POP…  Enjoy!

(Answers after the jump) Read More