JusWondering

JusWondering… The Road Less Sneezed Upon

Posted on by sgottahurt

As I arrived at the office today, I realized something.  Well, just now I realized I’m either borderline British or pretentious because I was thisclose to typing realised, both times.  But the main thing I realised is that I have a real aversion to these bad boys:
Knock knock... Whos there? Germs... Germs ach-who!
Knock-knock… Who’s there?… Germs… Germs ach-who!

There’s two ways to get to my office, and I choose the way that has three doors to open vs. two.  You would think I’d choose the lesser of two infectious evils, but the path to more doors (must resist “Lord of the Rings” reference here… too late) consists of these precious humdingers:

I can open you with one finger... resisting other off-colour remarks... another Brit/pretentious retort!
I can open you with one finger… resisting other off-colour remarks… another Brit/pretentious retort!

If you think about how many disgusting hands that have touched these things… it gives me the gee-willikers (now I’m prohibition era comic strip talking).  I’d still rather use one finger to open the second doorknob, than use my entire hand on the first.

Now you know, and knowing is half the fracas (so pretentious it is.)

JusWondering… How Did I Miss These Things?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I guess I missed an alternative to Rickrolling – You’ve been Barackroll’d!

Although this is a commercial for a Toyota Carolla, am I crazy for wishing this was an entire movie?

And it was a toss up between the video below or this one to define “laughably bad.”  Whereas this clip below is an homage to bad, the CGI dinosaur is simply bad.

JusWondering… Are They Trying To Kill My Brain?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m going on Day 20 of a major bender (I should be on a colonel bender by the end of the year, and an admiral bender by the end of January).   My brain has been paying the price, and as a byproduct, so has my writing.  (It’s all trivia’s fault!  But don’t worry – we got into the tournament… as if you cared.)

The follwing videos help my mental state in no way.

Do not watch this in its entirety.

JusWondering… Is Mark Hamill Playing Bob Costas?

Posted on by sgottahurt

When I was watching any football game but the Lions this weekend, I couldn’t help but notice announcer Bob Costas was beginning to look like a certain Jedi Knight.

Trust me - watch NBC Sports

Trust me - watch NBC Sports

Throw a little Botox into Mark Hamill’s visage, and he could be playing the guy giving the play-by-plays (or at least his analysis thereof).

…Or maybe I was just drinking too much this weekend.

Batter up!

Batter up!

JusWondering… Lions Need To Draft Cheerleaders

Posted on by sgottahurt

Another weekend has come and gone.  That means the Detroit Lions can add one more to the number on the right, notching them up to 0-11.  The road ahead looks bleak, but if the New England ButtPats can go for 16 and 0, then so can we!

But I have a theory.  It’s not full-proof, but neither is the theory of relativity… particularly when my Uncle Stan drinks full-proof whiskey on Thanksgiving.  Seriously, is he even related to me?!

Anyhooperthedetroitpistonsmascot, when the Lions use the draft picks received from the Roy Williams trade to Dallas, and the inevitable *crosses finger* first round pick from the undefeated season, I say we use them on a cheerleader squad.  At this point, I say we try anything.

First off, it will get the fans back in the seats so there are no more game day black-outs.  (Us guys are stupid this way.)  That way, it won’t matter if we win or lose.  A simulation:

One friend to another – “Ahhh, not another interception!”
Friend in return – “Hey, check out that hot POA!” 

Smiles on everyone’s face!

Second off, look what adding the Automotion to Detroit Pistons games did for them… six Conference Appearances, two Conference Titles, one Championship.  Coincidence?  (I pronounced it co-inside-ence? to be funny in my head.  Try it.)

Third off (bra-level… yay!), every other team but two has cheerleaders!  (I pronounced it teambuttwo… y’know, real fast in my head, so it sounded like Timbuktu.  For no reason.)

It’s not that every team that has cheerleaders does well, or vice versa.  (Cleveland had a good run in the late 80’s and the New York rammed the ButtPats in last years Super Bowl – and they don’t have cheerleaders.  Is it because they’d be the Brown Girls or the Giant Girls?  You be the judge.)

In closing, some suggestions for the Lions Cheerleaders name, besides simply that or the Lionesses:

  • The Lions Down
  • The Always Lions
  • The Assembly Lions
  • The Lions Around Unemployed
  • The Running Game
  • The Lost Hope… or The Last Hope
  • The Pipe Dreams
  • The Who Cars Anymore?
I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita, and as I continue you know they're getting sweeter

I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita, and as I continue you know they're getting sweeter

Mental Illness As Defined By Female Characters In Superhero Films (A Drunken Recollection/JusWondering Joint)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I have a friend that, as another of my friends pointed out (who is also friends with him), suffers from Mary Jane Watson Syndrome.

“Mary Jane Watson Syndrome?” you may ask.  “That’s not in the DSM-IV.”

You’d be the wrong kind of nerd for asking that question, but it is true.  The Mary Jane Watson Syndrome, as explained by my friend (about my other friend):

He likes to make people think he’s doing better than he’s actually doing, because it’s too embarrassing.  Like in the first “Spider-Man” film, when Mary Jane runs into Peter for the first time in New York, and she tells him all the wonderful things she’s accomplished.  Then the short order chef comes out and exposes her lie…

It’s the Mary Jane Watson Syndrome.

Poignant, geeky, and spot-on, for sure.  But it got me wondering – are there other conditions that could be defined by the ladies in superhero films?  I mean, they typically aren’t written as the most stalwart of women.  Otherwise, who would be left for the hero to save if there were no damsels in distress?

(more after the jump) Read More

JusWondering… Can “Demolition Man” Be Right About Taco Bell?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Tacotacotacotacotacotacotaco Bell, Ding Ding!

Tacotacotacotacotacotacotaco Bell, Ding Ding!

For some people, getting recognized at any local establishment might be embarrassing.  For me, it’s something I strive for.  I like being a regular.  I enjoy the “Norm”-factor. On the bar scene, it’s great.  At a Taco Bell?  I might have to admit that I have a spicy meat and waxy cheese problem.

It occurred this past week when I got to the window.  The attendant remembered me and joked that my soda had “extra ice, just how you like it.”  Simply because I always order a #8 soft shell with a Mt. Dew no ice, and I have my four dollars and two cents in exact change, that doesn’t make me an addict.  And even if it does, it’s not my fault.  It’s because all those other asshole places don’t have as winning a strategy as my beloved Taco Bell.

  • First off: very few joints have my Spruce Juice.  It’s a Pepsi product, and since Coke is uber-global, the only other place I can Do the Dew is at KFC or Quizno’s. 
  • Second off: it’s a matter of price.  If I don’t go the soda route at the drive-thru (because I’m already packing), how can you beat $2.52 for a meal?  Well, except for a double dose of Mickey D’s double-cheeseburgers.  (Really, they should be cheese doubleburgers, right?)  Still, a meal and a drink for $4.02?  Zno’s and KuFCa are like MC Hammer in that “They do want they wanna do, say what they wanna say, live how they wanna live, play how they wanna play, dance how they wanna dance, kick and they slap a friend…” (Oh!  You thought it was going to be “They can’t touch this!”  That would have been better.)
  • Third off (a.k.a. the Bra-Layer, whereas the first would be shirt, and the second would be pants): the meat is a crap shoot.  Wait – that sounds terrible.  What I mean is, sometimes you might get jacked on the amount of beef or cheese you get, and sometimes you get hooked the f up.  It mixes gambling and eating and I like it!

All in all, I’m down with TB.  And I don’t care if I’m a regular.  I’ll be happy if it wins the “Franchise Wars.”  Now if you’ll excuse me – I just finished eating some Grande Soft Tacos and I have to go poop.

JusWondering… Movie Choices That Make Me Go Hmmm…

Posted on by sgottahurt

Why is it so difficult for TV stars to make a successful transition into film?  Is it that we, the viewers, the fans, the general public, have spent so much time with them, that we can’t believe them unless they’ve been typecast?

Hang ups, like a pocket full of Kryptonite!

Hang ups? More like a pocket full of Kryptonite!

...in the clearance bin at Walmart

...in the clearance bin at Walmart

Nah – I just think they have shitty agents.  Why else would “Friends” star, and former painkiller addict, Matthew Perry, be in this —>

Academy Award winner and star of the ever shitty “Mad About You,” Helen Hunt, gets to star in crap like this <—

(FYI – Cousin Ira was okay, in a Balki sort of way.)

After Prop 8, both ways are wrong

After Prop 8, both ways are wrong

As soon as you move your hand lower... lower...

As soon as you move your hand lower... lower...

Is this as good as it gets?  (Sadly for this blog – yes.)  Ask “Ellen” star, um, Ellen Degeneres if she has any regrets about this little diddy from back in the day —>

 Poor, cutesy, chipmunky Neve Campbell, formerly of “Party of Five” (and I’ll at least give her “Scream”) has something on her mind <—

And as an added bonus… who the hell knows where Leelee Sobieski came from, but she has one simple request:

Done and done.

Done and done.

JusWondering… Logos And Low Blows

Posted on by sgottahurt

WTF? FTW!

WTF? FTW!

I do a hell of a lot of driving for my job, and I’m not complaining.  I consider driving sort of a past time of mine.

But every now and again, I catch the Sherwin Williams Paint trucks, and something about their logo always bothered me.

And I’m not alone in this.  A lot of other blogs have discussed that it reminds people of old lead paint lawsuits, that it can be offensive to environmentalists, and my favorite besides it looking like blood – that SWP shares its initials with the Socialist Workers Party (Gobama!)

This got me wondering… how could they adjust this image to make it better?  Turn that frown upside down and make it a fountain!  (Image after the jump.) Read More

JusWondering… S#!% Misses the Fans, Number 2 (Ha! Get It?)

Posted on by sgottahurt

When we last left off, I was imagining, well, check the last post…

The wondering about how someone could pass out from trying to pass something parlayed into the training pants story: Apparently, somewhere not far from Lansing, there’s a strip club where guys can pay plenty to take a shower with two nude girls.  It could be one of those urban legends at MSU because no one had ever been there, but everyone knew someone that had.  The catch?  Guys had to wear adult size training pants over their drawers, for whatever this recollection’s worth.

The importance of this part is that it lead to what both of these posts was all about – how cool would it be to run over things with a steamroller?

Here’s a short list of things we wanted to flatten (in no particular order):

A watermelon – this worked for Letterman when he dropped things off his roof
A regular TV – picture tube and all
A flatscreen TV – why not?
A metal garbage can – because how else do you throw out a garbage can
An aluminum baseball bat – like a penny on the train track
A lava lamp – ooh, the colors…
The statue of Joe Lewis’s Fist – that would finally make it a piece of art

As MC Hammer says, You cant punch this...
As MC Hammer says, You cant punch this…