In My Brain While Sleeping

In My Brain While Sleeping… The All-New Goldfish Cracker Mascot

Posted on by sgottahurt

Pepperidge Farm has been making Goldfish Crackers since the founder got the idea from Switzerland in 1962.  These days, just being a cheesy cracker isn’t enough.  You gotta have flavors, as well as flava:

These are just the tip of the fishbowl.

As you can see, the latest incarnation of the mascot is fond of sunglasses.  He’s also fond of having a name: Finn.  In fact, there are many characters in the commercials, which is weird, since it’s mostly geared at kids (I presume), and the kids eat them.  Hrm.

What’s weird is I don’t eat Goldfish Crackers of any variety.  And I’ve never seen any commercials.  But last night I had a dream in which Finn changed his look to this:

(Fairly Accurate) Artistic Representation

DREAM INGREDIENTS: Five tall Coors Light drafts, one turkey and cheese Lunchable (can Lunchables be singular?), and a peanut butter-covered bagel.

In My Brain While Sleeping… A Precious Centerfielder

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There dream exclusively featured Gabourey Sidibe, a.k.a. Precious (she will forever be tied to this role like Jon Heder is to Napoleon Dynamite).

She played on my softball team, and she brought some an amazing talent.  She had a fantastic bat that warranted unlimited homers over the fence.

Precious Fielder

Which worked out immensely well, seeing as how she had great difficulty running.  We tried her at first, and we tried her in right field.  But it just wasn’t working.

So then it occurred to us – deep, deep centerfield.  It worked like a dream.  She was a dream.  It was… a dream.

I think she's even wearing high heels. You go girl.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Scarlett And Amber In The Same Dream?! Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

Posted on by sgottahurt

I am enamored with Amber Heard:

The Gods Heard My Heart

And everyone loves Scarlett Johannson (except Ryan Reynolds, and maybe Sandra Bullock):

I should write her a Scarlett Letter...

Well, lucky me had a dream in which both of them appeared…

…except they only wanted to talk.

About the meaning of life.

In an abstract setting.

As they walked and discussed the infinite, the scene kept changing like a screensaver.  Or a Salvatore Dali painting:

Not cool, subconscious... not cool...

In My Brain While Sleeping… Priorities In Regard To Sharks And iPhones

Posted on by sgottahurt

This dream, I’m not proud of.

Family is supposed to come first.  Always.

All of us (whoever the us was at least included my brother and my mother) were staying at an island beach resort, sort of like this one:

Ah, it's like a screensaver.

But then, as it often happens in dreams, sharks appeared.  It was kind of like this:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

The sharks were of every variety, and they could also crawl on land!  Like some kind of fish/mammal hybrid.  (You’d think there was a word for some kind of creature that could exist on land and in the sea…)

A great white shark cornered my brother.  It clamped down on his leg as he kicked at it and started dragging him away like an alligator would.  My mother screamed for me to help him, which I immediately did – until I stopped myself.  I hurried back inside to put this on the counter:

Yup. My brand new iPhone 4S.

I ultimately caught up to the shark before he could reach the water and saved my brother.  So win-win.

(SIDENOTE: For the record, I called to apologize to my brother the next day.)

In My Brain While Awake… This Kid’s A Nightmare!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Yeah, this one has nothing to do with a dream (thankfully, you might be thinking).  It’s just that the kid in this commercial is such a fucking spastic terror, I may have nightmares:

In My Brain While Sleeping… Charlie’s Angels’ High Tech Secret

Posted on by sgottahurt

This dream probably occurred because of the new show starting, but this was about the original cast of Charlie’s Angels:

Jaclyn Smith - Kate Jackson - Farrah Fawcett

Somehow I was privy to a little secret about some top-secret technology they used.  Top secret technology they used down below.  They would simply press a little button:

Well, one little button on a clunky device.

And… well… something would suddenly disappear.

Why don’t I let Mickey Mouse explain:

In My Brain While Sleeping… Only in My Dreams

Posted on by sgottahurt

None of these were full dreams, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t share.

In one dream, I got to meet Debbie Gibson.  She lived in a dangerous town, and she almost sent me to my doom, but when I was sitting next to her, our knees touched.  Knees!

Sorry. This is Deborah Gibson.

Another dream featured the return of Olivia Munn to G4’s Attack of the Show.  They kicked her replacement, Candace Bailey, to the curb, because what else has Munn been up to?

Attack of the Show, indeed.

The last tidbit in my sleeping noggin was about Pauly D and his new hairstyle:

"Call me DJ Mullet."

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Future Of The Marvel Universe

Posted on by sgottahurt

After waking from this dream, I thought:

Cool.

It was the future in the Marvel Universe, and the Milky Way Galaxy was no longer known as that – it was now the Los Angeles Galaxy.

Be sure to visit the planet of Compton.

The heroes were wanted dead by their enemies, more than usual, so they placed themselves in giant cosmic cube (not the Cosmic Cube) in space, away from Earth.  In fact, Earth was hidden in between folds of time.  The Sentry was the hero in charge, and if you never heard of him, barely have I.  (I don’t know how he ended up in my dream.)

Guess who this is?

Fed up with holing themselves up, a nearly invincible hero (Wolverine?) that has lived for 1000 years wants to rally against the forces keeping the heroes trapped in the cube.

He asks the leaders (including The Sentry) to reinstate the last wave of Iron Men (they’ve all been mechanical for a while now).

The Sentry is the only one to see the light, so he allows the mission.

This is the point when a phone call woke me up.  So I should have mentioned my full statement:

Cool.

Fuck.

In My Brain While Sleeping… A New Sport

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ll admit – I’ve had some stinkers of ideas in my sleep, and I’ve had some brilliant money makers.

This dream idea might fall somewhere in the middle.

Basically, the premise of this new sport was this:

Soccer meets parkour

The game would be played in public areas – the more crowded the better.  And the goals would be random things, like knock over this, or break that.

Here’s an example I’ve created that takes place at a comic book convention:

(Not Too Shabby) Artistic Representation

Oh yeah… I forgot to mention the name of the game:

OBSTICCER

(or OBSTOOTBALL in every other country)

In My Brain While Sleeping… Goodman & Upton (Is Not A Law Firm)

Posted on by sgottahurt

No, in this odd dream, Goodman & Upton were a Hollywood power couple.

I was hired to get to the bottom of their relationship, so I broke into this guy’s house:

Yeah, the Goodman was John.

To find out how he was able to date this hottie:

The Upton was Victoria's Secret model, Kate.

The dream kind of reminded me of a less-funny, more infuriating (out of pure jealousy) version of this video:

Vodpod videos no longer available.