Animated X-Men Turns Fifteen, Meeting Me for Wine Coolers After School

As given away in this entries title, this week celebrates the fifteenth anniversary of X-Men: The Animated Series, yet there’s nary a DVD in the works containing all the seasons.  A few miniseries were released earlier this century (that sounds so long ago) as was the Juggernaut onto the TripleDoubleU (and deftly killed by the hackysack, Brett Ratner).

If not for Fox Cubs – I mean Kids – the show would have never seen the light of day (thanks Margaret Loesch!) 

Some other shows that thankfully might NOT have seen the light of day if not for Fox Kits – I mean Kids:

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: The Animated Series
Eek! The Cat
Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers (any version after Tommy became the White Ranger… and ALL COPYCATS…”Aye aye aye!”)
Incredible Crash Dummies
Terrible Thunderlizards
C Bear and Jamal
Godzilla: The Series
Toonsylvania
Kong: The Animated Series
Young Hercules
The Mr. Potato Head Show
& ugh… I’m done…

In closing – a fox pup licking ice cream:

From Adult Diapers to Cursive Z’s (A Drunken Recollection)

Update: Remembered a Q and Z!  Now with more O!

Last night, as usual, the conversations danced around like the carbonation in the libations.  Here’s a rundown of the lowdown in alphabetic order:

A -> Adult Diapers.  Apparently, some people wear them to rock concerts so they don’t lose their spot.  Discussion of wearing them to the bar any night reeked of laziness.
B -> b (the lower case letter).  A malformed handwritten form of this letter prompted another to mention that it looked like a stick person’s foot.  This prompted me to ask if “d” was the other foot.
C -> Cursive Writing.  This sprung out of the “b” incident.  Heated (lukewarm) debate began over capital F’s.  Capital I’s, Q’s, X’s and Z’s were remembered fondly.  (And conveniently.)
D -> Darts.  The game was played.  I never achieved Swiss Cheez athleticism (see S).
E -> ESPN.  And their stupid show where people play Madden ’09.  To borrow liberally from SNL (and specifically Seth and Amy), “Really?”
F -> F (see C)
G -> George and Ma’am.  “Why do you call George, George, and me, Ma’am, instead of Katherine?” / “Because it’s close to Mom.”  (see W – ha, like the channel!)
H -> Hole.  Courtney’s “Celebrity Skin” was played on the digital jukebox, when we really wanted to play… (see V – ha, like the resume!)
I -> I (see C – ha, like Intensive Care Center… wait that’s not funny)
J -> “Jake’s Again.”  Home of the delectable $3.25 CHEESEBURGER… IF ONLY I COULD CAPITALIZE THE $3.25
K -> Kan’t think of anything.
L -> Lions.  Alex Karras played for them.  He was married to Susan Clark.  They were on a show together.  (see W – not as funny the second time)
M -> Maverick.  Not our ol’ GOP pals.  The increbidle (I mixed up my left and right feet) ride at Cedar Point.
N -> Nope, nothing to see here.
O -> Olympic Figure Skating.  Specifically – Men’s Figure Skating.  Particularly – Brian Boitano, and whether he was Canadian or American.  The argument found footing* in the South Park Movie because he did not have a flapping head.  *(SIDENOTE: db <– regular footing; bd <– pigeon-toed, or shy, footing)
P -> Proposal 2.  In Michigan, it’s about stem cell research, and the funding it gets.  Fun ding?  Funny!
Q -> Q (see C… for cop out)… No wait!  Quints!  We chatted about how the old toyline would prove to be an interesting costume.
R -> Relationships.  I daydreamed my ideal situation – the woman would be beautiful and mysterious.  She would belittle me almost everyday, but tell me she still cares about me.  She’d disappear for days at a time and I’d go crazy, wondering about her, waiting for her return.  When she’d come home, I’d question where she’d been.  She’d get angry and threaten to leave me for good.  I’d withdraw the question and find happiness once again in her arms.  Ah, true love.
S -> Swiss Cheez.  Normally, as an athlete or skilled competitor, I’m moderate at best.  That’s me in the air pockets of the Cheez.  But every once in awhile, I hit the Cheez and look out!
T -> Trivia.  That’s why we were out ‘n about.  Check out the details here.
U -> Universe.  What we’re here for, and how everyone wants to be told what to do and to be like – but you can’t anyone that’s what they want.
V -> Violet.  “Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to!”
W -> “Webster.”  Two episodes I remember from this show: the time Webster thought his photography teacher stole his picture to win a magazine contest (they happened to take the same snapshot of a tree, but the winning pic had the teacher at the bottom of the frame!), and the other ‘sode had young Webster walking in on George and Ma’am getting busy.  They told him they were “changing a lightbulb,” so when Webster’s friend (a girl) came over, they got nude to “change a lightbulb.”  Kids!
X -> X (see C… for cheap)
Y -> You had to be there.
Z -> Z (see C, si?)  No, wait… Zenith.  Did you know they created the first remote control?

Noooo! Don’t Dew It! Or Dew It, Who Cares

As an avid drinker of Mountain Dew (which I have previously shorthanded as Mt. Dew), I’m… not really beside myself on this logo change:

...I got nothing
…I got nothing

(From Brand New)

It’s kinda dumb.  The image makes me think of a less x-treme Surge:

Grrrrrrrr!
EXTREME MINUS THE E WITH A HYPHEN… GRRRR!

So instead of a rant, I’ll fill you in on how I came to drink the antifreeze of the soda pop world.

My friend, Jay, used to be an avid drinker of Mt. Dew, but he always used to complain about how much it made him have to go pee.  I didn’t believe that it could dew that, so I traded in my Faygo Cola for the green stuff, and I’ve never looked back (and my urinating patterns have never suffered nor changed either)…

It just turned out Jay was hypoglycemic, or hyper.  It was one of those.

Detroit Fire Sale! (Wait, It’s Not Devil’s Night Yet)

In further celebration of Kwame’s lockup, I decided it was time to do some Detroit themed shopping.

First on the market – how about a new house?

I swear it's in the D

I swear it is in the DLocated in Detroit's Indian Village, it's going for just over $550,000 dollars. Don't have a half million? How about this fixer upper:Ah... that seems about right

It’s not quite $1 (this beaut’s going for $100).  If you still can’t gather the change and fall just a bit shy, you could always go with a nice “Made in Detroit” jacket, on sale NOW for $90…
I want one

I want one

…or if Jefferson didn’t quite make it into a Franklin, Detroit’s own Kid Rock has created a scholarship fund for music students going to Wayne State University (Motor City Rocks – but not the same way as Gary Busey R.O.C.K.S).  You can help out by picking up this shirt on sale for $18:
Wrinkles included

Wrinkles included

Okay then… I’m running out of deals.  Um, ah, this should do.  Who could pass this up?
A mugshot mug... genious!
A mugshot mug… genius!

Only $9.99 here.

Act now and get this bonus article from The Onion!

It’s So Cold In 14J-4

Today disgraced Detroit mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, begins his 120-day jail sentence here (from the Freep):

Home sweet oh please get me outta here!
Oh no! Not graffiti on the mirror!

Considering I’m an actual citizen of Detroit, and since I’m technically paying for his stay with my tax dollars (I think I am – I really don’t know much about things like that), I suggest we do this: play this song on loop the entire four months.

Come Get Yer Sexy Costume Challenge Right Here!

Update: My sister, Becky, helped me “uncover” one other toy.

With Halloween upon us, I feel it is my civic duty to challenge any or all of you ladies out there that are: A) creative and B) like to… sexy it up… (I was going to put “slutty it up,” but here I did anyway.)

Now let it be known, I’m all about nostalgia, and in addition to that, I’m for the sexification/sluttification of said nostalgia.  I mean, isn’t that what Halloween is all about anyway… in a non-nostalgic way?  (Maybe regular candy has evolved into eye candy.)

But here’s the challenge: we’ve all seen the Strawberry Shortcakes, Rainbow Brites, She-Ras, and Jems.  I still have a fondness for Jabba Palace Leia (especially when there’s a bunch of them pillow fighting), and kudos to those ladies that work wonders as a Care Bear (whodathunk Grumpy could look cheery).  What follows are my suggestions… my outside-the-(cardboard)-box starters, if you will.

To begin: how about Herself the Elf?

Herself Shortcake
Full name: Herself Shortcake

Sure, she’s not too unlike any other fairies (goth girls, whut-whut!), but no one is going around proclaiming, “I’m Herself the Elf!”  Another idea (and in this line there are plenty of options) – what about a Charmkin?

Mmm... bendy

Mmm... bendy

The bulk of the costume would be standard fare, but the kicker is the ring on your head with a giant charm necklace going through it.  Can you imagine that?  How about Blinkins?

I wanna say something about curtains and carpets...

I wanna say something about curtains and carpets...

No pants and a light up bottom?  If that’s a no-go, then let’s go with the girl’s version of Transformers (or maybe more-so GoBots) – Sweet Secrets.

The secret is these toys suck.

The secret is these toys suck.

You could even go as far as these guys and make your shell open up so you can hide inside.  Another great venture would be the alternative to the two-man horse… the two woman My Little Pony.  (Argue over whom gets which end!)

My Little Hair Brush

Also pictured: My Little Hair Brush

My last idea is by far not the least.  My final challenge (and if anyone pulls this off send me pics) – Alf’s Melmacian lost love, Rhonda.  I’ll leave the details to you.

Rhonda is the alien that's not ALF
Rhonda is the alien on the right

Three Things I Learned At The Lions Game

I’m a glutton for punishment.  Yes, I went to watch the Lions take on the Redskins at Ford Field.  Yes, I’m even going to Chicago next weekend to see them battle the Bears.  And why, you ask?

I could be lame and say – beer.  I could be lamer and say – the ladies.  It’s sure not the boys in blue and silver (and dammit if they didn’t get my hopes up again!)

It’s for the things you can learn when you least expect it.  So now I present to you, three things I learned at the Detroit Lions game:

1) You can make plastic out of plants.  You read that right.  And where did I stumble upon this discovery?  My beer cup.  The best part about the company that makes the plant-plastic cups?  Their website is F-K.

2) The Detroit Lions Pet Calendar is not a derogatory euphamism calendar.  A sale can be a powerful, um, selling tool.  At $10 a pop (for the calendar, not a soda… though that price is close), I considered getting one.  If I had, this is a sample of what I would have found.

3) Pornology would make a great name for a website.  But alas, it has already been taken, and not for any good use.  When my buddy, Jay, mispronounced the root word, I swore if the domain name was available, I’d be making a career switch.

Ah, the Power of Beer in a plastic cup made from plants..

Drunken Recollection… Movies of the Week Circa 1980

i’m not in as much pain as I was in last time, but on this eve of hops and barley, I’ve become deteremined to find the name of one, if not both, TV movies.

Let me interject my theory on the way the brain works.  I feel the best way to picture our memory is that it’s a warehouse full of boxes.  The older you grow, the more boxes you get.  There may be millions or billions, but basically, what it comes down to is which boxes you can access.  This determines, in part, your intelligence, or at least, your memory.

How I picture it is these boxes contain knowledge you’ve amassed through your life, but if the top is closed (due to alcohol, drugs, age, stress), it’s temporarily or perminently lost.  Why I say that is because sometimes you can send your synapses to look for something… and for the life of you, you know what it is but you can’t think of it… then days ly of this ater it pops in your head.

This is what I’m hoping for with these recollections.  ( I don’t even know if any of this makes any sense.)  I’m hoping I can trigger an answer.

The first flick I recalled was presumably named “The Vindicator,” but via IMDb, I discovered this film was a  “Robocop” clone.  What I remember about the movie was there was this guy who’s brother died in a car accident, so he souped up his truck with weapons (I remember a grapple hook most of all).  He set out to exact revenge against erratic drivers.  The very first catch he made with his hook was a man trying to get his pregnant wife to a hospital.

The second flick, well, that was easy.  I remembered one night in my youth, when I had a loose tooth about to fall out, this TV movie where a mentally challenged man was accused of hurting/killing a young girl, so he hid in a scarcrow.  They found him and killed him, but he returned from the dead or something.  IMDb did it’s job on this one: it’s called “Dark Night of the Scarecrow.”

I also found this on YouTube.  Thank heavens for the Internet – we don’t ever need to remember ever again.

If you have any inkling about the other movie, please give me a clue.

Zima’s Not Even Cold In The Ground

This past week, MillerCoors announced that they’re “cancelling” Zima.

They’ve declared the “malternative” nation dead.

Though it may not be “malternatively” kosher, there’s a new kid on the block!  (No, really, look… it’s Danny Wood… the New Kid no one remembers… he’s working at the Burger King by my house…) (from Luxist)

Pernod Absinthe is a revival of Pernod Fils, arguably the most authentic absinthe ever produced with a recipe that’s over 200 years old… The original is a high-proof sprit distilled from Grand Wormwood, fennel and anise – exactly the same as consumed by the likes of Picasso, Van Gogh, Monet, and now, us.

Pernod’s the right stuff to get get me through those long shifts at night, when all those drunk assholes come through the drive-thru, ordering Big Macs or Nacho Bell Grandes like they’re so fucking original,” Danny might say.