To follow up my Brett Ratner rant on this Election Night, I thought I might present something that, um, could very well be perceived as un-PC (and I don’t mean Mac, Justin Long!)
Although the dialogue track is lifted from “Rush Hour,” to find it edited into “Return of the Jedi” – it makes it actually pretty funny.
The genius that is Brett Ratner – I’m not even smart enough to find the words. His originality is unmatched; his levels of depth unfathomable. (Ha! A pun!) He is the answer to our unanswerable prayers.
Oh, yeah… Did I forget to mention today is Opposite Day? (Except when it comes to voting… It’s so Opposite Day that it’s NOT Opposite Day… whoa, deep…)
Now grant it, Heidi Klum is one helluva new addition to America’s citizenship ranks, but Brettcrack was paid beaucoup bucks to brand Guitar Hero, as if the popular game needed help. (FYI: he came up with the name “World Tour” – he’s like a the fucking Stephen Hawking of pop culture!)
This is technically the fourth video that’s exactly the same… much like his “Rush Hour” movies. Click here for the athletes version and here for the American Idols commercials.
God, he infuriates me. But perhaps he’s worth what he’s paid… look at all the attention I’m giving him.
BONUS: Now with a fifth commercial (Director’s Cut)! It must have been difficult to get a German underwear model to dance in next to nothing… I don’t know how Brettcrack does it.
Last Friday, here in Detroit, Fall Out Boy broke the world record for most radio interviews by a pair in 24 hrs. Their 58th call to 89X was the one that pushed them over.
So that got me thinking… how many other stupid records are out there? Over the Halloween weekend, I visited my sister, Becky, in Chicago. On the ride there, my cousin, Steve, and I got into a discussion about “Seinfeld,” which inevitably lead to bringing up baked bean teeth.
All those chairs... and rope lights! Yum!
Comme des hors d oeuvres
Steve said he once knew of a man who had bean teeth, and he and his friends swore the man could eat a plane. I didn’t get it, but he said some guy was in Guinness for eating an airplane, and he had bean teeth. He said it took four months (in actuality, it took two years), but I was super-impressed because I pictured a 747 (in actuality, it was a Cessna 150).
Anywingsandall, my thirst to find more dumb things people will do to set a record intensified. I planned to scour the web for hours or days (hey, maybe I could set that record), but then I found video of this.
And that should do it for me. This is why the only things people should try to break are accompanied by crashing sounds.
(If you want to, you can check more stuff out here.)
Call Bock
Not pictured: Richard Chamberlain... Pictured: floating child head
In a high rise, um, high above Gotham, Bruce Wayne and I were speaking with a third party about investing in the future.
“Stride bubblegum,” Bruce began. “It’s the taste of the future.”
“And the future is now,” I added.
Bubblegum was growing in petri dishes, and our guest wasn’t sold. As it turned out, he didn’t have the funds to cover such an investment. That’s when I pulled out a Capital One credit card.
“It’s the credit card of the future,” Bruce uttered without further prompting.
I merely nodded this time. As our potential business partner contemplated his next move, an alram sounded through the city (I guess the bat signal wasn’t enough.) Bruce excused himself.
Soon, there was a giant Shogun Warrior (by Mattel) roaming Gotham’s streets. I wondered, “How will Batman defeat this monstrosity?”
With a Bat Gundam of course. (This could happen. Check here.)
BONUS: Halloween advice from a dream over the weekend – if you want to make a bowl of M&M’s last longer, try cutting them all in half.
INGREDIENTS: Ten hours of surfing the 3x2xU since I was out of town all weekend, coupled with a GladWare storage container full of five-day old Kraft spaghetti.
Holy crapola! I was going to write a post about Daunte Culpepper getting signed to the Lions earlier, and I’m glad I waited…
The Answer is coming to the Pistons, too! Allen Iverson wasn’t a big fan of our former coach, Larry Brown… or practice for that matter.
We have hadn’t this many marquee players in town since the 2003-4 Red Wings roster (even though hockey doesn’t really count, right rest of America?)
I mean, the 2006 Tigers had… I give up. The last superstar we had is a gimme – Barry Sanders.
(SIDENOTE: My buddy, Jay was a huge Barry fan. He would have probably given anything to meet him. One night, in a Canadian strip club, two of my other friends ran into him at the bar, and they exchanged words. Barry left not soon after, and walked right past Jay as he was getting a $10 table dance. I don’t know… I find it funny.)
Well, whether this is good news or not will play out in the future, but it may pay off for me much earlier. You see, I have plans to get personalized sports jerseys for each of the teams. I already have my #20 Seanders Lions Jersey. I’m waiting to make sure Curtis Granderson is a Tigers’ franchise guy before I get a #28 Grandersean jersey, because I almost got a #14 Seanahan before Brendan Shanahan was traded to the Rangers (I hope he returns to retire with us, but I always have the option of #13 Datsean – #19 Yzersean seems to be pushing it). Prior to Iverson, my best Piston pun would have been Taysean, but that’s Prince’s first name. Could there be a Iversean jersey?
Anyhoopsandhuddles, welcome aboard, Daunte and Allen! Hopefully, we don’t suck your souls.
I have known a few people through the years that have done things that some people may see as odd, such as wearing leather chaps to a co-ed softball game while covered in peanut butter, or making artwork out of animal intestines.
Okay, actually, they are odd, but some people find that off-putting. For me, these people are the spice of life (the off-the-cuff kind of spice you’d find at CVS or Aldi’s). They’re a modern performance artist, in my opinion, and I can say I’m not too different (see the new #7 on my Fact Sheet). Or they’re completely batshit crazy, but who cares?
Crispin Glover may be a genius or a nutjob (the separtion between the two is a thin line, and we’re not talking cocaine here… or are we?) Check out Screen Junkies’ list of his “9 Most Bizarre Moments.”
Here’s a sneak peek at #8:
BONUS: Toonces Without a Cause:
Almost 12,000,000 people have seen this. Up until this past weekend, I had not. If I can spread this onto at least one more of you, I will feel that I’ve done my good deed for the year. Now I can drink my beer, watch my porn, and insult my friends and family without any further feelings of ill will…
All right, I never feel ill will, but it does bother me that I don’t.
No, it doesn’t.
Where the Hell is… Matt? and where the hell is my pizza! I ordered it an hour ago!
I’ve refrained from getting into political discourse on this page because there are far better blogs on WordPress for that (such as Mudflats and Margaret and Helen for example). But this I found via BlackSpin and I’m sure it will soon be everywhere. Ladies and gents I present to you: The Wassup Guys from the Budweiser commercials – Eight Years Later.
Ironically, Shelley Malil (Chad, the tennis guy from this Bud commercial), fared no better in the last eight years.
Wow… this is some bummerific junx. To clean the palette:
This came out earlier this year. I must have been lost among the fugu fish when I missed it.
See the original here.
