Hibbidy-Wah?! Don’t They Realize This Song Is About A One Night Stand?

I always imagined that Bruno Mars wrote Marry You as a tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek ditty, as if to say:

Girl, I want you so bad, I’ll even marry you…

Am I wrong?  Here are the lyrics.  With a line like:

If we wake up and you
Wanna break up, that’s cool

Maybe I’m old-fashioned… or it means something different in Portland:

(via)

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Hibbidy-Wah?! Off-Putting Is An Understatement

I don’t know who made this, but it was found here.  Sometimes the TripleDoubleU truly is Pandora’s Box (I’m not talking about a portable web radio device)…

jessica simpson anne hathaway alicia silverstone lily allen madeline zima alba selma hayek katy perry emma stone carmen electra angelina jolie keira knightley jennifer aniston megan fox beards

No Kardashians? M(o)ust(ache) have been too easy…

Hibbidy-Wah?! Pink Slime, Bugs In Coffee, And Now This!

By now, everyone’s heard about pink slime.  boring.  (It’s so boring I didn’t even feel like capitalizing the B.)

And you may or may not have heard that a bug called the Polish cochineal (insert joke here)is used as a food and drink color dye called carmine.  The bug looks like this:

The drawing is easier to stomach... so to speak.

The big reveal was that Starbucks (heavens!) was using the dead beetle dye to color one of their strawberry drinks.

I told you so.

So what’s the next thing that’s going to shock us?  It’d have to be big.  Big like finding out Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick, who have been happily married for 23 years, are – I don’t know – related.

They are "The Closer" than they thought. (<----Much better than a "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" joke.)

Hibbidy-Wah?! Why Is No One Pitching A “B” About This?

I think it’s really weird surprising that a channel like ABC would have a show on it called GCB.  Here’s the poster:

It stands for "Good Christian Blondes," right? It doesn't!

Well, that’s a one-in-a-thousand shot-in-the-dark(ness-of-hell) scenario.  It’s based on a book written by a lady, so there’s that.  But the show’s written and produced by men, so there’s that.  But at least one of them is gay, so there’s that.

I don’t know what any of those that’s are really about, but what about the chances that this exists!  And on the same network!

Please tell me this "B" is short for "Black-Haired Girl"...

Have we come so far as a society that it’s okay to name not one – but two – TV shows using the short-hand form of the word bitch? And both of those shows are on a channel owned by Disney?!

I guess ABC Family raised (?) the bar with its Secret Life of the American Teenager:

(Thanks Joel McHale and The Soup!)

Hibbidy-Wah?! Hibbidy-Minaj?!

I believe Nicki Minaj is trying to drive me insane.  Or at least make me feel like a Stupid Hoe:

I find the strangest allusion (in the midst of strange illusions) to be this:

Nicki Minaj meets Lily Tomlin meets Big Chair

A reference to Edith Ann?  Is that because Edith Ann was an alter-ego character of Lily Tomlin, and Nicki Minaj also has a character an alter-ego that goes by the name of Roman Zolanski?  Also, is Nicki Minaj possessed?  Am I going to keep asking questions?

What do you think, Edith Ann?

Hibbidy-Wah?! Are You Effing Kidding Me?

No.

Seriously.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Click this picture to read the Amazon reviews.

I’m not about to jump on the bandwagon of slamming some misguided, self-righteous kid, but boy… do I want to.  This is one of those situations best illustrated by illustrations I made to defend Justin Bieber:

By hating on McKay Hatch and his No Cussing Club, you only make his message stronger.  But then he goes and makes videos like this, and it takes you somewhere completely different:

The only reason I know about him and his fruitless endeavor is because he came out against an episode of Modern Family in which the toddler Lily says:

Fudge.

That’s really what she said in real life.  Fudge.  They just bleeped it out like Jimmy Kimmel does in his Unnecessary Censorship:

And he wonders why he’s “the most cyberbullied kid in the world”?

Here are rational reasons why; here’s the irrational; and here’s one more.