Art, via the billionaires over at Instagram
This is actually an old Happy Find, in the traditional sense, but I’m happy to find that my sister is keeping it up again.
It’s an odd little art blog called Art of My Mind, and she very well may be what the pun is a pun of, but I enjoy it, so I hope you would, too. I find myself laughing more than I thought I would at her insights.
Check it out by clicking here.
By now, everyone’s heard about pink slime. boring. (It’s so boring I didn’t even feel like capitalizing the B.)
And you may or may not have heard that a bug called the Polish cochineal (insert joke here)is used as a food and drink color dye called carmine. The bug looks like this:
The drawing is easier to stomach... so to speak.
The big reveal was that Starbucks (heavens!) was using the dead beetle dye to color one of their strawberry drinks.
I told you so.
So what’s the next thing that’s going to shock us? It’d have to be big. Big like finding out Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick, who have been happily married for 23 years, are – I don’t know – related.
They are "The Closer" than they thought. (<----Much better than a "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" joke.)
Hakuna Mawutdafuka
Some alternates:
(I must stop there because everything will be “lion” puns… And I’m not lion!)
Having just seen Episode I again, it’s put some bad thoughts into my brain about the upcoming John Carter film.
I know I’m late to the party on this critique, but there’s a good reason.
I want John Carter (formerly Of Mars) to be good.
The reason is a simple one – I’m rooting for director Andrew Stanton. And why, you wonder?
Hint: One of the answers is in his hands.
Andrew Stanton wrote and directed two of Pixar’s greats – Finding Nemo and Wall-E. He also wrote and directed this Edgar Rice Burroughs‘ adaptation, so I’m hoping the third time’s just as charming.
But I’m afraid. Very afraid.
Here’s a scene from the preview:
Dusty Arena: Check. Furry-ous Beast: Check.
Now here are some Episode II memories that this drudges up:
Dusty Arena: Check.
Furry-ous Beast: Check.
Couple with that the tired outsider-saves-the-day plot (John Carter’s of Earth, not Mars, so…), and my worries don’t seem unwarranted.
So is this an Attack of the Clones clone? Hopefully, the two films have as much in common as these two do:
One has monkeying around in it and the other has a monkey.
Rise of the Quality of the Ape Films
I love bad films; I love good films. For this Unofficial Trilogy, it’s about as hot and cold as it gets. Let’s jump into the premises, and you can determine which is which:
CARNIVAL MAGIC (1981)
A travelling carnival has reached the end of the line. Nobody’s visiting anymore, and the tiger trainer – which used to be the big draw – is an abusive alcoholic. Low and behold, the magician’s chimp – Alexander the Great – can talk, but he’s been keeping it under wraps. Once word gets out, the carnival becomes a success, at what expense? The drunk tiger trainer’s girlfriend’s safety? The carnival owner’s daughter’s virginity? Alexander the Great’s life? All of the above in this children’s film.
Oh yeah, and this eventually happened to the director, Al Adamson (via Wikipedia):
Al Adamson was reported missing in 1995. Five weeks later, after law enforcement officials discovered his remains beneath the concrete and tile-covered whirlpool bath in his newly remodeled bathroom, his live-in contractor Fred Fulford was apprehended… He was charged with and convicted of murder, and sentenced to twenty-five-years-to-life in prison.
Magic!
PHENOMENA (1985)
The young daughter of an American movie star (Jennifer Connelly in her first major role) is sent to an all-girls school in Switzerland, and there’s a killer stalking the students. That’s the boring part! For some reason, Jennifer (that’s also the character’s name) can communicate with insects, and they become like the Watson to her Sherlock (that’s how her scientist friend puts it). As for the ape – the less you know about him, the better.
(SIDENOTE: This film was known as Creepers when it was released in the US. Oh yeah… it’s originally Italian.)
Jeepers, where'd you get that chewed up, mangled peeper?
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (2011)
We all should know about this one, and if you don’t, I won’t spoil it. The worst thing about this film is that it wasn’t nominated as on the ten Best Picture Oscars, especially when only nine were chosen. I thought this was the most surprisingly good film I saw last year. Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close gets nominated?! Please. more like Extremely Dull & Incredibly Pretentious…
I’ve been meaning to post these for a while. One’s about poop. One’s Japanese. That’s all you should need to know.
Did I mention this one was Japanese?
This one you’ve probably seen everywhere, and it’s not that big of a deal. I’ll explain why in a second.
These are bears in game reserve started by Walt Disney forever ago (of course). And it’s not that rare (although it’s still nice of them to wave).
(SIDENOTE: My guess why the first one has 5,000,000 hits is because it’s only 7 seconds long.)
But this… this just doesn’t happen everyday, even in Uganda. Skip ahead to the 2:50 mark (sorry it’s not 7 seconds long):
I’m not an adventurous sort when it involves my taste buds… which is a terrible way to put I don’t like a lot of different foods. So this post won’t include anything “shocking” unless you consider #4 unsettling.
Here it is! The short list you’ve been dying for! A Handful Of Foods I Will Never Try!
1) BANANA SPLIT
The sexual innuendos are innumerable.
What’s wrong with a banana split? Sure, I enjoy (most) flavors of ice cream and whip cream, and though I’m no fan of cherries, they can easily be removed. What’s wrong with a banana split? The banana!
2) OCTOPUS
I tried to find the most appetizing presentation to be fair. This won. And lost.
I’m no fan of seafood (nor mollusks), but I have tried:
I draw the line at octopi. You could say it’s a Red Wings thing.
3) JELLIED PIG’S FEET
Only thing worse: Jello'd Pig's Feet
This shouldn’t be on this list because it’s obvious, and could be tied into #4, but it’s made the list because IT’S BEEN OFFERED TO ME. IN PERSON. AT A FRIEND’S HOME. (When we were kids, but still…)
4) ANYTHING FROM REALITY SHOWS
See also: Survivor Chow
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist (or Joe Rogan) to deduce that I would not try anything people eat out of necessity in desolate countries and trick foreigners into eating by dubbing it a local delicacy.
(SIDENOTE: Welcome back, Fear Factor! And Joe Rogan!)
5) McRib
The modern Halley's Comet.
Food items this has that I don’t like:
This dream, I’m not proud of.
Family is supposed to come first. Always.
All of us (whoever the us was at least included my brother and my mother) were staying at an island beach resort, sort of like this one:
Ah, it's like a screensaver.
But then, as it often happens in dreams, sharks appeared. It was kind of like this:
(Not So) Artistic Representation
The sharks were of every variety, and they could also crawl on land! Like some kind of fish/mammal hybrid. (You’d think there was a word for some kind of creature that could exist on land and in the sea…)
A great white shark cornered my brother. It clamped down on his leg as he kicked at it and started dragging him away like an alligator would. My mother screamed for me to help him, which I immediately did – until I stopped myself. I hurried back inside to put this on the counter:
Yup. My brand new iPhone 4S.
I ultimately caught up to the shark before he could reach the water and saved my brother. So win-win.
(SIDENOTE: For the record, I called to apologize to my brother the next day.)
Sharks don’t have eyes like this, even if they have two:
I looks like a giant noodle with a glass eye.
Sharks have eyes like this:
I hope this one's dead.
It doesn’t even have teeth! I know it’s supposed to be a bull shark fetus. Wait… what does a bull shark’s eye look like?
Oh my jaws!
(via)
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 