I feel like when I even write about Billy Mays, I should WRITE IN CAPS! He’s the RonCo for a new generation. As ubiquitous as he is, and as pretentious as that sounds, toilet humor has never been better than in these dubs of his commercials. I had trouble picking which ones to highlight, so I picked three and gave you a heads up what you might find in them if you’re SHORT ON TIME!
If someone decides to take a shit in the bathtub or have sex in a vase, check this one out:
If you can relate to this level of hate: “Look at this rug, I hate this rug, I’m going to ruin this rug!” Check this one out:
If when you’re outside picking up shit, you’re afraid the kids are inside stealing your food, then check this one out:
Okay… I wasn’t going to post this dream, but it hasn’t stopped me before. You may wish that I’d stuck to my guns, but I misfired.
The bulk of the dream consisted of the introduction of a new drug called something like Avilify. Basically, by taking this pill daily, your body maintained a homeostatic temperature that kept you comfortable whether you were in 110° F or -10° F (sorry, but I don’t know Celsius). Another feature of the product was you only needed six hours of sleep per day. You couldn’t sleep more and you couldn’t sleep less.
Ask your doctor all about it! Because we sure won't tell you what it does in the commercials!
While this is all fine and dandy as far as dreams go, the part I’m leary to bring up is… well, Ryan Seacrest and I became friends.
How that came to be was I was the head of marketing for Avility, and he was to be the spokesman. We ended up making YouTube videos of him mocking celebrity advertisements, like the film Crazy People did.
Example:
What my Grandma used to make me eat.
In effect, his popularity soared even more, and I made crap loads of money. Avilify changed my life!
The wunderkindswonderbreadsVistapushers, um, developers at Microsoft have developed a retardedgay lame program called Songsmith. If you’re brave enough to watch the research team’s demonstration video about the product, be my guest and click here.
For those of you wise enough to trust me, which isn’t saying altogether much about either of us if you do, all you need to know is that Songsmith is a music making program. And I use “music making” in the loosest sense.
The premise is this: you hook your mic up to your pc and open the application. You sing a made up song however you want, and the program will create the backup music for you. Srsly.
The fun part is that there’s a YouTube channel by azz100c that contains plenty of famous original vocals run through the program. A few of my favorites are a folksy version of “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, and to explain the sound of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” would spoil the fun.
(Thank you again ever so much Videogum… you rock!)
i’m not in as much pain as I was in last time, but on this eve of hops and barley, I’ve become deteremined to find the name of one, if not both, TV movies.
Let me interject my theory on the way the brain works. I feel the best way to picture our memory is that it’s a warehouse full of boxes. The older you grow, the more boxes you get. There may be millions or billions, but basically, what it comes down to is which boxes you can access. This determines, in part, your intelligence, or at least, your memory.
How I picture it is these boxes contain knowledge you’ve amassed through your life, but if the top is closed (due to alcohol, drugs, age, stress), it’s temporarily or perminently lost. Why I say that is because sometimes you can send your synapses to look for something… and for the life of you, you know what it is but you can’t think of it… then days ly of this ater it pops in your head.
This is what I’m hoping for with these recollections. ( I don’t even know if any of this makes any sense.) I’m hoping I can trigger an answer.
The first flick I recalled was presumably named “The Vindicator,” but via IMDb, I discovered this film was a “Robocop” clone. What I remember about the movie was there was this guy who’s brother died in a car accident, so he souped up his truck with weapons (I remember a grapple hook most of all). He set out to exact revenge against erratic drivers. The very first catch he made with his hook was a man trying to get his pregnant wife to a hospital.
The second flick, well, that was easy. I remembered one night in my youth, when I had a loose tooth about to fall out, this TV movie where a mentally challenged man was accused of hurting/killing a young girl, so he hid in a scarcrow. They found him and killed him, but he returned from the dead or something. IMDb did it’s job on this one: it’s called “Dark Night of the Scarecrow.”
I also found this on YouTube. Thank heavens for the Internet – we don’t ever need to remember ever again.
If you have any inkling about the other movie, please give me a clue.
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