Drunken Recollection… Urban Dictionary Wars

Last time I tried to do this, I didn’t get in (that’s what she said).  It’s probably because I mentioned Thundercats and the redickuless Rob Dyrdek.

In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, allow me to reiterate.  One of my friends from soccer has about nine posts on Urban Dictionary; I wanted as many or more.  It turns out I’m burned out from trying.  I will give him credit though – he said he tried many as well, but it wasn’t until he got into the 12-year-old pervert boy mindset that he hit his stride.

So my latest (and last) attempt is this:

1. when a dude has unprotected sex and immediately after regrets not putting a condom on. 2. When the one getting boned realizes there is no latex (or sheepskin if you're over 50) betwixt you both, you can exclaim "I condomeant to!" FRIEND 1: Man, this chick I was banging was in her ketchup phase... I totally condomeant to after that discovery. FRIEND 2: At least she wasn't in the "must-turd" phase.

That’s the lowest this highbrow can go.

Here ‘s hoping (for no real good particular reason).  As for the other five of my compiled entries (including the above mentioned “ketchup phase“), click here.  Maybe by the time you do, condomeant will be on that list.

(SIDENOTE: My favorite entry is kidstipated BTW, but it took three tries to get it on.  The one I gave up on was mustard phase.  I was only trying to get that on for the above joke, so I shoehorned it in.  See it’s definition below…)

mustard phase

1) After eating a lot of unhealthy food – let’s say chili cheese hot dogs – there’s a sense of urgency to reach the bathroom that grows exponentially until you reach the porcelain throne

2) The phase when you “must turd” ASAP

DUDE 1: We gotta get out of this ballpark stat! My rectum is launching into full mustard phase, and these restrooms are packed!

DUDE 2: Just use a trash bin.

Drunken Recollection… I Couldn’t Wait For Urban Dictionary’s Approval

Where’s the Urban Thesaurus?

As I mentioned in my last post, over some drunken conversation, the subject of dirty slang terms and phrases came up arose happened.  And mind you – women were present and one provided this first term that was not on Urban Dictionary.  I was happy to submit it, but I’m still awaiting their final approval.  You can check for it maybe one day soon, but allow me to present:

  • THUMBERCATS

Thumbercats Ho, indeed.

This second one is an idea I’ve kicked around for a while, so may it one day find infamy on the UD:

  • REDICKULESS

I’m ashamed to admit I created this definition.

InASense, Lost… You Learn Some Dirty New Slang Everday

Nothing beats beers after being beaten at soccer (alliteration!)…  except (thinking you’re) making up new dirty words.

This was going to be a Drunken Recollection of phrases that were thrown around, but most already existed on Urban Dictionary, and two did not.  The ones presented here made me feel InASense, Lost… the other’s should appear in a Drunken Recollection quite soon.

As it is with “pizza” and “cheeseburgers,” it’s hard to find a bad one…

Can’t say the same about this…

Who thinks of this stuff? Oh yeah… drunk people at bars.

U.S.A! U.S.A!

Happy Find… My Name’s Meaning (Plus Hero Rats!)

Even though it’s been around, like forever, which according to itself means:

forever is until you find something better…

…I’ve only recently discovered what my name means via the Urban Dictionary.  Take a gander for yourself:

used to define huge sarcastic assholes, that end up becoming amazingly sweet. Seans know exactly how to piss you off and then five seconds later have you cracking up. Huge jerks, but gotta love 'em.

I can live with that.  And I need to find out who funwithamber is… Either she’s a fun girl named Amber, or a scientist from Jurassic Park.  So in other words, a win either way.

Also from the TripleDoubleU archives, I present to you a new Parry Gripp song.  I’ve written about him before, so for more of that, click here.  Otherwise, enjoy the heartwarming tale of the Hero Rats

*sniff* The part about “saving us from ourselves” gets me every time.

Drunken Recollection… Cogs And Truth Bombs (And A Hooters’ Barstool Trick?)

gearsThis may be surprising, but I can get talkative when I’m drunk.  I know, right! 

What this means is that I theorize and pontificate, and generally make an ass of myself.

But sometimes ideas occur to me that are worth remembering…

For example, one idea I had was how people are a lot like cogs.  Some people are big cogs and others are small cogs.  And they spin at different rates to keep up with each other or because of each other.  Some of them don’t touch but are rotating due to a shared gear.  Okay, there was a whole lot more that went into this, but you get the idea.  I rambled on and on for awhile (remember: druh-unk), and it seems to be happening again.  Moving on…

Another thought that entered my noggin was the notion of truth bombs, and how I wish you could drop them on anyone and everyone to let the other person know where you stand in your thoughts about them.

I was reminded of two movies that used truth bombs: For Love of the Game and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

In For Love, Kelly Preston’s character tells Kevin Costner’s character that she wishes people could carry around chalkboards on which they could write what they were thinking.  He asks her what she would write, and she writes on a napkin, “Yes.”  Then they do it.  Well, it goes down something like that, but that example is not really what I’m hoping to convey.

In Eternal Sunshine, at its finale (SPOILER ALERT!), Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet confess all their faults to each other before trying to get back together after wiping their memories.  Yeah, that’s a little closer, but I digress.

I thought this concept was pretty original, but then I uncovered the definition for truth bomb in the Urban Dictionary:

(noun) A fact or piece of knowledge that, when told to a listener, is devastating to the listener’s argument or world view.
“Dude, I dropped a truth bomb on my priest at confession yesterday. I slipped him The DaVinci Code, which disproves his whole religion!”
Tupac dropped truth bombs on the American people, letting them know what it’s like to live in the ‘hood.

So… so much for all that. 

How about a Hooter’s waitress performing the infamous rodeo barstool trick to wipe the memories of this post (you hold up a napkin with the word “Yes” on it).  My cog just spun yours, and you’re welcome:

(SIDE NOTE: Why is everyone at the news station just going along with this?  And in the morning?  And as a reminder about something called “Wings for Kids”?  And did you see the guy in burgundy in the background trying to watch without getting caught watching?  And… just… why?)