touchstone pictures

Unofficial Trilogy… Movies You Will Likely Never See

Posted on by sgottahurt

Ahh, the 80's (and early 90's)...

You may already be in luck.  One of these is currently available for viewing on Netflix.  Remember… if you don’t have Netflix, you got Netdix™.  That’s their new slogan.

Anyhulu, on with this Unofficial Trilogy of Movies You Will Likely Never See.

In the 80’s, I  was a Touchstone Pictures junkie.  (They were Disney’s adult-fare division).  Anything they released, I would eventually see on DVD VHS.  Most were enjoyable, some were forgettable, and films like this one are long-lost.  (Click the Touchstone link to see an impressive list of hits.)

Tough Guys is basically about two old (tough) guys that finally get released from prison and “will they or won’t they?” integrate into the modern world.  Imagine if Brooks Hatlen, the old librarian with the bird in Shawshank Redemption, did the opposite of what he did… that’s this movie.

This film is where John Travolta found his beard true love, the exquisite Kelly Preston.  Upon seeing this film again on Netflix (damn there goes the secret), my old-school crush on one of the most beautiful women to ever exist was reignited.

Essentially, the USSR has built a dummy American town that’s styled like the 1950’s.  So they bring in Travolta and Arye Gross (remember him on Ellen?) to build a nightclub and unknowingly teach the spies how to live in the (then) present.  It’s dumb, but it’s fun.

Hollywood Pictures was another off-shoot from Disney, but it was nowhere near as successful as Touchstone.  Nonetheless, I still sought their films out, and this was their third release (Arachnophobia was their first).

This picture was made after Patrick Dempsey learned you could in fact buy love (that was the lesson, right?), but long before he was McDreamy, Dreamy King, or even Dreamy Castle.  And again, here we have my dear, sweet Kelly Preston co-starring.  In a word, this movie is about what the title is.  Not as in a marathon, but as in for your life.

JusWondering… Why Isn’t This A Disney Release?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I barely remember hearing about the upcoming Gnomeo & Juliet, except that it was a retelling of Romeo and Juliet using lawn decorations, and featuring music by Sir Elton John.  Oh.  That’s exactly what it is.

At the start of the preview, when the Touchstone Pictures logo popped up, I thought:

Why isn’t this a Disney release?  (see above header)

Because Touchstone is Disney, you see.  So I started thinking:

Maybe it’s a PG-13 release aimed at an older audience.

After all, that is why Disney created the thunderbolt off-shoot in the first place.  But no.  It’s rated G.  And it’s the first of all Touchstone Pictures to be rated so low.  (It’s only their second animated feature, to boot.  The other is The Nightmare Before Christmas.)

Well, how was I going to get to the bottom of this?  What rhymes with stickymedia?

Initially, the film was going to be produced by Disney Feature Animation, but was shut down by its new chief, John Lasseter, after the Pixar acquisition.  Miramax Films picked up the project and guided its production until the division closed down… The film will now be released under the Touchstone Pictures banner on February 11, 2011… (via Wikipedia)

So much for answers.  My guess is that so much work was put into it prior to merger with Pixar, that it was the traditional cry of:

The show must gnome on!

Sorry for that pun, but I’d venture to guess the actual film won’t be much better… And for sure, it won’t be better than this adaption of the Shakespeare classic: