I just read an interesting fact idea this week.  I don’t recall it verbatim, but the gist was this:

If alcoholic products were invented today, they’d never make it through to market.

One might think this is interesting, poignant, and sobering (these might all be redundant, but I’m too lazy, sluggish, and apathetic to double-check), but I find it harrowing.  If it wasn’t invented oh-so-long ago by the monks, Jesus, the French, and Siberians, booze might have to be procured by illegal means.  And what would I do at the bar and sporting events were that the case?  More importantly, how would ugly people do the kamanawanaleia?

And as a bystander caught in the crossfire of a ripple in the time-space continuum that lead lead to alcohol’s disappearance, this Tiny Toons cartoon would have never existed:

This bit came from an episode entitled Elephant Issues, and as far as I’ve looked into it, it’s only aired once in this country (September 18, 1991).

A few problems I found with the segment:

• When I had my first sip of beer, I got “the shakes” which was not depicted well by the characters.  Nowadays, I call that shaking “getting my groove on.”
• After one sip, they all start belching to a tune.  I don’t know about the ladies out there, but to myself and most men, belching in key is a big selling point for beer.
• The references to bars and money and martini glasses feels incomplete.  Where are the silhouettes of strippers?  Amiright?
• If that bottle was a forty, I’d believe it could last that long and trash a couple of kids animals Tiny Toons.  But I’ve seen them get shot in the face, fall off cliffs, and get blown up by dynamite.  One 12 oz. bottle… not buying it.
• And about that solo 12 oz. bottle being the only thing in the fridge at the beginning… that looked a lot like my fridge!
• The entire thing is in insulting to hobos and drunks everywhere.
• And man, was that animation kinda crappy, or what?

I think Buster, Hampton, and Plucky need the Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue!