The Silver Lining… Let’s Laugh With Kmart Instead Of At Them

Is this commercial on TV?  I haven’t seen it.  But then again, I do time shift the ship out of my shows.

So could this mark a renaissance for Kmart?  Probably not.  But if we’re in store for a slew of new comedic ads, just maybe they’ll find more of us in store.

But probably not.

The Silver Lining… Gross Microscopic Creatures Sometimes Aren’t As Gross As You Think

My gut tells me to deplore this creature, but my heart tells me otherwise.

I hate microscopic creatures.  The macroscopic creep me out.  But Tardigrades might have changed my mind.  And not just because they’re called waterbears or moss piglets, which make them sound cute…

The Silver Lining… At Least The Dark Knight Rises Ripped Off An Academy Award-Winning Script

For anyone who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight Rises yet, I won’t give any spoilers.  But let it be known… I thought it was meh.  The ending is the only thing that saved it… and the funny thing is it ripped off another movie.

So this film was made up of…

…a cool vertical airplane destruction scene…

…an extreme tragedy on a football field…

…explosives chasing our hero and being disposed of by our hero…

…and the ending of this Academy Award-winning film.

 

The Silver Lining… Sometimes Watching Commercials Can Bring Surprises

The other day, I was a little lax on my DVR commercial skipping, and this commercial came on:

What the fuck is this movie?!  Branded!  It’s not even on Wikipedia (all hail Wikipedia).  It’s barely on IMDb

It looks like it could be a kick-ass movie; it also looks like it could dumb as hell.

But either way, I’d know nothing about it if – *gulp* – I didn’t watch the commercials.

(P.S. I guess it’s a Russian film.  Could be Night Watch; could be The Darkest Hour.)

The Silver Lining… Punk Is Not Dead – It’s On YouTube

There needs to be some type of backlash coming against all the pop acts in this world.  But then again, everything is so corporate, I’d have to dig deep to find the backlash.

SIDENOTE: I should mention that I’m lazy.  So I looked up some of my favorites on the ol’ YouTube.  Enjoy.  Or don’t.  Fuck you.

  • Liam Lynch’s United States of Whatever
  • Sex Pistols’ Who Killed Bambi?
  • Suicidal Tendencies’ Institutionalized

The Silver Lining… Alternate Titles For Firefly That Could Have Saved It (Maybe… Probably Not)

Does this title scream western sci-fi space romp or what?

Joss Whedon is about to hit the proverbial big-time very soon.  Fans that know him already love him and probably consider him “big-time”, but I’m talking about the next level shit here.

Much like how Jon Favreau was merely that guy who was in that cool indie Rat Pack-era inspired 90’s film (that he wrote) alongside Vince VaughnFavreau was not a name the masses knew until a little flick called Iron Man.

With The Avengers, the masses will now know Whedon.  And if they don’t, they should.

That having been said:

What the fuck was he thinking when he named his best television show to date Firefly?

If you don’t know the show, you should be ashamed of yourself.  It’s the one-season wonder that was so beloved, it got a theatrical follow-up, Serenity… which is also a sucky name.  Firefly is the class of ship and Serenity is its name.

This is tantamount to calling a Star Wars TV show, Corellian Freighter, and the movie based on it, Millenium Falcon.  (Okay, the movie title kind of works.)

If Firefly had a different show title, would it have lasted?  All I can say is it would have stood out more.  (When I originally heard of the show, I heard “from the creator of Buffy, comes Firefly“… needless to say, I didn’t watch it in its original run.)

Here are my alternate suggestions for Firefly/Serenity:

  • “Mal” – could have evoked Darth Maul, or malice… it’s better than using the lead character’s full name, “Mal Reynolds” (which is still better than John Carter), but it does not capture all the characters
  • “Browncoats” – this is what the rebels of the Alliance were called… we’re getting somewhere, but this still only covers two players
  • “OutRiders” – a play on the word that means forerunner or harbinger… evokes outsider and rider of horses/ships, perhaps… also sounds like it could be a show on Bravo
  • “Spacecoach”since this show is like Stagecoach In Space horrible idea
  • “The Last Frontier” – frontier = boring to me
  • Space Western” – it worked for That 70’s Show

So why did Whedon go with Firefly?

Whedon wanted to give the show a name that indicated movement and power, and felt that “Firefly” had both.  This powerful word’s relatively insignificant meaning, Whedon felt, added to its allure.  He eventually wound up creating the ship in the image of a firefly. (via)

The Silver Lining… Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Aliens

I’ve come to Michael Bay’s defense once before.  I’m not going to do it again.

But I might have to find The Silver Lining in his decision to reboot the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as aliens.

These are not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

What good might I find in the seemingly asinine idea to change the beloved oozy origin of our pizza-loving, sewer-dwelling crime fighters?  Midi-chlorians, anyone?

These are not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Sometimes such changes work.  In the Sam Raimi Spider-Man series, didn’t a genetically altered spider make a lot more sense than a radioactive one?  (Maybe not enough.  Part 3 did suck, and the new film is abandoning that concept.)

This might be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

I think the best part is that we might finally get to see this guy: Krang.

Okay, he's technically from Dimension X, but isn't that alien enough?

Four movies in, and the best baddies we’ve seen are these two?

Tokka and Rahzar. Why not Bebop and Rocksteady?

That’s at least my hope.  I can’t take any more Shredder nonsense…

The Silver Lining… #4 Was #1 On Oscar Night!

The 84th Annual Academy Awards occurred last night, and as the infamous they say:

 Oh boy, did the stars come out!

But I noticed one thing that I’m sure ABC the Network wasn’t too happy about… there were a lot of NBC stars there!  Current ones!

Aside from someone obvious, like Alec Baldwin of 30 Rock (he was at the one of the special events… I think the one Oprah won at), you had plenty of Thursday night’s Must See TV Comedy Night Done Right:

Although they weren’t nominated for anything, Tina Fey of 30 RockEllie Kemper of The Office, and Maya Rudolph of Up All Night were there as presenters, and:

Oh boy, did they represent!

Three funny ladies in three serious dresses. Did they all go to posing school together?

Then when it came to Oscar nominations, you had Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live who was up for Best Original Screenplay:

Her "Bridesmaids" script had pooping in sinks! Oscar nod!

And then the big winner was Jim Nash of Community.  He won Best Adapted Screenplay for The Descendants:

He's the bald one mocking Angelina Jolie's earlier pose.

The best part is this is how he usually appears on Community as Dean Pelton:

These are just the tip of the Oscar's bald head!

So what does this mean ultimately?  NBC is consistently in last place of the four major networks, but they had the best showing at the Oscars.  That’s a sign of the massive amount of talent found there that dumb audiences aren’t finding!

CBS, which is in first, had only one star present… the Best Supporting Actress-nominated Melissa McCarthy of Mike & Molly:

She was hilarious on SNL, but I've never seen her show.

But she was in the movie written by  SNL  star, Wiig!

In closing, here’s what NBC’s owner, Comcast, might be saying:

Oh boy!  Oh boy!  Oh boy!

This is what I’m saying:

Oh boy, Community should be sitting pretty for a while now!

The Silver Lining… Episode I: The Phantom Mess, I Mean, Menace

What’s that old saying?  Time heals all wounds.  Well, time might not heal all, but it sure can heal some.

Over the weekend, I went to the show to see the re-issue of Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom Menace in 3D, and you know what?  It wasn’t as bad as I remembered, and here’s why:

1) It has two of the best characters in all the prequel story lines.

Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Jinn, which translates to "Half Slice" and "Hole in Chest"

I always maintained that Liam Neeson brought a gravity to the Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn that Ewan McGregor never could to his Obi-Wan Kenobi.  I still don’t know if it’s his size, voice, or demeanor, but when Qui-Gon defies the Jedi Council to stand by his belief that Anakin is The Chosen One, his conviction is convincing.  Everything in the Star Wars universe we know and love hinges on his gut feelings, and we buy (and buy and buy) into it, too.

As for Darth Maul – once a bad-ass, always a bad-ass… until he falls down a pit like other fan favorite, Boba Fett.

2) Jake Lloyd is a much more tolerable Actor! than Hayden Christensen.

If he says "wizards" one more time!

Notice I didn’t say “better.”  He’s a kid, for Yoda’s sake.  What am I gonna do?  Ridicule him like how… he… will… eventually… kill a bunch of Padawans?  I also think this video existing helps his situation:

3) Jar Jar Binks wasn’t as jarring.

He's wearing Pajarjars.

I’ve come to Jar Jar Binks’ defense before (or at least George Lucas’ decision to include him), so it was no big surprise to me that this time around, he hardly annoyed me.  That’s probably because he was a big surprise in the first place, much like the Midi-chlorian debacle (which was nowadays just as negligible).

4) Were there more practical effects and sets in Episode I?

Seemed like it to me.  To all you non-film school students, practical effects means “it’s really there.”  Episode II and III relied heavily on CGI, whereas this one went partially old-school, and the look of the film benefits greatly.  Palpatine’s senate office looks real when he’s in it; Anakin’s Podracer and Naboo Starfighter look real when he’s in them.

There was an article I read (that I don’t feel like looking for) that stated mixing CGI and practical effects tricks the mind much better.  That’s why Jurassic Park’s dinosaurs were so convincing for early CGI.  It even explains why Ray Harryhausen’s clay figures can mess with us – they really exist.

Now I’m not knocking CGI in lieu of practical effects either, and here’s proof:

"There is no try... only do-over."

(For the flip side of this Silver Lining, check out this article on Time Magazine’s site.)

The Silver Lining… The Heart Hand Gesture

The HeartMark™ is trademarked?!

Trends.

They’re always stupid.  Pet rocks, sequenced gloves, pogs… and now this.  The inescapable heart hand gesture.  It’s everywhere.

Aeroswift™

But would you believe some lady “claims” to have the trademark on it?

This lady looks like she makes many "claims"...

She even licenses it out allegedly (although it just looks like she just made a list of places she’s seen it used and retroactively authorized it).

(SIDENOTE: Did she donate the gesture to Show Your Hearts?  It could be a tax write-off.)

My hope is that it actually is trademarked, and that she’s making bank on its pervasiveness.

I mean, what she claims is not impossible.  She could figured it out during a round of This is the church and this is the steeple gone bad.  I haven’t seen it in use until recent years, and it seems like a simple gesture to devise.

But was she the one who told Taylor Swift about it?  Because Swift claims she invented it, and her fans claim that Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, et. al. stole it from her.

All that matters is did this woman really trademark what she calls The HeartMark™?  Because I have an idea of my own:

My trademark... Deez Nuts™.