the hills

Just Sh–ty To The Sh–! Been “Wondering Years” About Frasier’s Theme Song

Posted on by sgottahurt

Usually, when I’m web surfing, I’m channel surfing.  I needed to state that so you can understand why stumbling across these two discoveries blew. my. mind.

It may not be fair to say these beloved sitcoms were Just Shitty, and through the powers of the TripleDoubleU (and outstanding do-gooders uploading to YouTube), they magically became The Shit.  I’m merely pointing out that the, um, points of contention these two videos address were Just Shitty moments from the original programs.

Who out there really thought the closing theme from Frasier was The Shit?  Maybe Skittle Man, but I’d venture to guess not too many others.  But if you slap it up, flip it, rub it down, you get this:

Likewise, The Wonder Years focused heavily on voice over work, courtesy of Home Alone baddie, Daniel Stern.  Narration is perceived as a big, lazy, no-no in screenwriting, so imagine how ahead of the curb the 80’s classic would have been if Danny Stern had been left out of the equation.  (It’d be tantamount to The Hills, only without the pop music filler…)

Happy Find… Jimmy Fallon’s “7th Floor West”

Posted on by sgottahurt

Tonight is the sixth season premiere of The Hills, and I hate to admit this but the show fascinates me.

It’s not like a car wreck or guilty pleasure kind of thing… The best analogy I can think of is that it’s hypnotic like a campfire.

You watch the flames move around without rhyme, reason, or purpose, sucking in the oxygen, destroying that from which it springs.  When two logs strike each other, sparks fly.  It makes you feel warm and fuzzy because you know you’re safe, and far from burning in the random pointlessness of the hot embers.  You enjoy marshmallows on chocolate in between graham crackers.

That’s exactly what watching The Hills is like.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Hulu – Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: …“, posted with vodpod

And that’s the very essence that Late Night With Jimmy Fallon captures in their spoof series, 7th Floor West.  So grab some mini marshmallows and a box of Teddy Grahams and click the image to link to the campyfire that is Jimmy Fallon’s 7th Floor West (all the episodes):

Jimmy and ZOMG! He's with Whitney Port from "The City"!

Jimmy and ZOMG! He's with Whitney Port from "The City"!

In My Brain While Sleeping… Dating Advice From Brody Jenner

Posted on by sgottahurt

Real Caption: “Don’t tase me, Bro… dy!”  I imagine he said, whilst getting tased.

Another Caption: I am to electric bolts what Perez Hilton is to penis drawings.

(Not So) Artistic Representation

(Not So) Artistic Representation

For whatever reason, prior to his reappearance in the news, I had a dream that was hanging out with Brody Jenner (do I credit him as the son of Bruce Jenner, the step-brother of Kim Kardashian, or a cast member of The Hills?), but not in a Bromance sort of way, though. 

As a self-described ladies’ man (I have no proof he claims this, but I have no doubt he claims this), he was acting as my dating guru.  His advice:

Repeat what you do every hour.

Apparently, when you take a girl on a date, just perform a variation of your actions every hour.  It was like a Philip K. Dick theory about time loops sort of thing.  Believe me, the suggestion made sense in the dream, and it still carries a resonance in my noggin that’s difficult to convey.

Maybe it’s like true knowledge, in the sense that it must be learned and not taught.

Or maybe Brody Jenner can visit you in your dreams, in whatever capacity you prefer…

INGREDIENTS: Leftover Parmesan garlic boneless Buffalo Wild Wings.  Yum.

Breaking News (If You Care)! Heidi Montag Expecting (If You Can Believe Her Twitter Page)

Posted on by sgottahurt

UPDATE: It was a stupid April Fool’s joke, but then again, look at the perpetrator.

You can see the great certainty with which I’m announcing the the fact that Heidi Montag Tweeted that she’s not only expecting, but she’s hoping it’s a boy.  Is it an April Fool’s Joke?

From her Twitter page:

heidimontagtwitter

Now, I must admit… I’m still not sure the page is real.  She does so much “Bible thumping” and “God is great!” singing and dancing, that it seemed out of character for her.  But alas, I (obviously) do not know her, and I don’t live in L.A. to verify her events, such as her supposed Ryan Seacrest show appearance that was cancelled, so it could be real.

So hey, I guess that kind of puts the kibosh on my wish list plans for next Christmas…

BONUS: Click here to hear her new songs.  Oh, the timing of it all!  What kismet!  Hahaha… KIIS-met!  That’s Seacrest’s station!  And did you also know season five of The Hillsstarts April 6th?  Such serendipity!  Extra emphasis on the dipity!

All I Want For Christmas Is… Heidi Montag To Get Divorced… I Think

Posted on by sgottahurt

 
16341PCN_montag
Is this what Nickelodeon meant by salute your shorts?
Here’s the sitch…

There once was a girl back in high school that straight-up annoyed the piss out of me.  She was in a handful of classes, she was on pom, and again – her voice, her slouch, and her demeanor grated on me.  So of course I developed a crush on her.  Call it “thin line between love and hate”… I call it dysfunctional.  And I’m afraid the same thing is happening with Heidi Montag… I think.  It’s all so confusing this thing called love lust indifference love.

Let me say this: I-should-not-know-who-this-person-is.  I should not know the names Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge (when she has NSFW pix like this and this it’s hard not to), and Spencer Pratt because I do not watch MTV.  I am not “The Hills” target audience, yet I read blogs with similar sentiments about the cast and show, and lo and behold – I’m savvy.

Why do you taunt me?

Is this how she sleeps? Uncomfortable...

So I guess what I’m asking Santa for a divorce proceeding between my dear sweet Heidi and that douchenozzle, Spencer.  By the time the paperwork’s filed, I may no longer want to be with her, but at least she’ll be available if I change my mind.  Bonus: she’ll be free of the douchenozzle.

P.S. Does she do anything other than hang out in a bikini?  The answer is yes – she sings in a bikini, too.

(SIDENOTE: Heidi, I could have directed a video at least TWICE as good as your boy did.)