1992 doesn’t sound that long ago (unless you were born in or after that year of course), but this anti-piracy ad certainly dates the date:
Speaking of outdated, check out this meeting of the old and the new. The ending before the ending is pretty good, and of course, so is the middle. If you’ve never heard Leonard Nimoy singing the original version of the song he’s singing (no spoiler), then click here. Otherwise, enjoy:
J.J. Abrams, scriber of Regarding Henry and creative genius behind television’s Facetious Felicity, found himself in the precarious position of relaunching the Star Trek film franchise.
In the process of doing so, he got a little carried away with lens flares. That’s when light spreads from its source… here’s a collection of shots from the film:
The future’s so bright, I gotta wear BluBlockers.
So yeah, I thought it was a J.J. Abrams thing, but it might be Actor! Chris Pine’s thing:
Here he is in Star Trek…
…and here he is on the DVD cover for This Means War.
Any questions?
Boldly Gone
Some alternates:
*Yes, it was one of the posters for the fourth Star Trek film.
He's so irreverent!
Director Kevin Smith recently announced he was returning to Detroit for one of his Q&A fests, and tickets in “the good seats” are going for $75. This increases the chance that you can actually A one Q, but is $75 worth it? On a lucky day, you might be able to get Smith to respond to an inquiry on Twitter, and that’s free. Besides, would I even have a question that wouldn’t be embarrassing to ask?
My wondering:
Mr. Smith, do you consider yourself a capable director? Like, could you ever direct a high-minded, genre piece, worthy of an Academy Award nomination? (SIDENOTE: I threw in the filler word “like” to simulate a Pulitzer Prize nomination worthy question… y’know, to like make it real.)
This got me wondering… who else would I pay $75 to ask a question?
Barack Obama, Steven Spielberg, George W. Bush, George Lucas?
Sure. Each one of them would get a humdinger of a wringer”, but who would I pay more than $75 to get to the bottom of things? Probably just one:
She's so irreverent...
My one-part quiz:
Ms. Fey, can I write for your show? Here’s a sample of my ability, and it happened In My Brain While Sleeping…
*Here’s the others:
Star Trick
Some alternates:
I often find myself debating the big questions of the universe. The biggest?
Am I a nerd, a dork, or a geek?
This pair of dreams that I had in one (count ’em, one!) night might mean the answer to the overhead head-banger is:
All of the above
DREAM SEQUENCE ALPHA
"Why so blue...?"
Life was going on as normal, if you consider normal being tormented by a Blue Man (not of any particular Group, it seemed). Determined to destroy my life – and possibly murder me – this Blue Man turned up everywhere.
Work. Home. Bars. Family and friends’ homes.
I couldn’t escape his attacks (unfortunately, as it is with dreams, the details are a little fuzzy). When I finally stood my ground and confronted him, he acknowledged that I passed his test.
As it turned out, he was an Omnipotent Immortal and indeed belonged to a Group of like-hued fellows. Their numbers were diminishing, and all the hell I had went through was like a hazing process.
Long story short, I became a Blue Man and started tormenting my friends and family with all my new found powers…
DREAM SEQUENCE BETA
I was standing in a dim room full of floating dust, dander bouncing and dancing in the narrow beams of sunlight.
A friend turned to me and said:
The entire Star Trek universe is in this room. Like how that entire galaxy fit in a marble in the first Men in Black film…
I'm squishing your head, I mean, universe.
Then he corrected himself:
Well, not the Delta Quadrant. I didn’t really like Voyager that much.
I looked closely at the soaring particles, and this is what I saw.
INGREDIENTS: Peanut butter on a bagel back in the mix. Yeah yeah!
Cardboarder Collie
Some alternauts(Get it? It’s like astro– ah, forget it…):
Great Pyramid? How about Mediocre instead...
There’s been plenty of chatter on the TripleDoubleU regarding the new Travesty Transformers movie. I’ve not only made a slight mention here on this site, but I’ve voiced my opinion on Topless Robot’s threads as well. The big debacle over the films many weaknesses boils down to this question:
Who’s fault is it?
As I’ve detailed above, depending upon the director, crap can transform into dysentary (see: pic above) or crap can screen flair (see: Star Trek). In Hollywood, screenwriters have little to do with the final film, if anything with the process at all. Haven’t you ever heard the blonde joke about the wannabe starlet sleeping with the writer? Steve Martin even made light of this fact in his underrated Bowfinger.
Go-to-writers-du-jour Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman are a lot like this candy-dispensing product:
Together, they’ve written the following films:
And like that candy dispenser, each one is a jellybean that in retrospect reminds us of bovine dung.
Here’s the breakdown of each attempt at writing:
The Island was a rip-off of three 70’s sci-fi films (Logan’s Run, Parts: The Clonus Horror, and THX-1138), and it was directed by Michael Bay. It was partly filmed in Detroit, and you can see a painted portrait of Steve Yzerman in the background at one point (plus Scarlett Johanssonthroughout), so to not be a complete hater – this flick is tolerable. But only for those reasons. Seriously, catch the older (schlocky) trio of sci-fi “classics” then watch The Island. Bay and the Boys borrowed quickly and liberally.
Does anybody remember the Zorro sequel? *crickets*crickets*
Mission: Impossible IIIwas competent (I still like the first one best). Although he was kind of douchey when he directed the episode of Jimmy Kimmel he was on, JJ Abrams handled this film well enough. I still believe the sequence where Tom Cruise chased the “Rabbit’s Foot” through the streets of Shanghai could have been longer, and Philip Seymour Hoffman could have been given more scenes to chew on (plus more Maggie Q). Mission: Decently Distracted.
Transformers was the second re-teaming of the screenwriters and Bay. It’s been said that producer Steven Spielberg placed emphasis on the fact that the film was ultimately about a boy and his alien (car). And after five hours of CGI robot action, the first hour of the first film is still best. Although, I do like seeing the Detroit landmarks in the final battle, so this film was also okay in my book, despite the lack of common sense and clearly defined action scenes. Moral of the story: if Bay films in the Motor City, my criticism dwindles. Moral of another story: Spielberg’s kind of losing his touch, eh?
Star Trek, also directed by JJ, was solid, but not perfect. The origin story introduced some neat twists and surprises, but Kirk with puffy hands?! Scotty going through water pipes?! A tad amateurish (and the fault of the writers, I’d suspect).
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the Third Turd of Bay and the Boys, was rushed to production. They didn’t get anytime for a rewrite, and it sadly shows. Sure, Bay might have made a lot of poor decisions (robot crying, robot humping, robot minstrels, robot balls), but the script’s plot made little sense. (Why would the Prime’s have to sacrifice to hide the Matrix of Leadership instead of killing the Fallen? Why would they hide it on Earth? See the Topless Robot link above.)
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: if JJ Abrams made Transformers, imagine how “cool” it would be. Then imagine if Michael Bay made Star Trek… (It’s like that ending speech in A Time to Kill…)
Perhaps Orci and Kurtzman aren’t the worst screenwriters on the planet, but they need to branch out a bit more to tell for sure.
(FINAL NOTE: JJ worked on the script for Bay’s Armageddon. It was a fun ride that went on too long and pulled way too hard at the heart strings. Srsly, how many things could possibly go wrong in trying to get off a space rock? Apparently, everything. More importantly: how was Armageddon a film in the Criterion Collection?!)
In honor, anticipation, and fear of desperate loathing for next week’s release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, here are some of the film’s stars in what could quite possibly be the best robot song ever…
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Well, maybe that’s the second best. You be the judge.
(There are more tags than words in this post. Hee hee!)
OH MY BORG!
J.J. Abrams’ version of Star Trek hits theaters May 8th, but if you can’t wait for the DVD and all the extras, check out these exclusive cut scenes now!
P.S. I am so saddened by the fact I missed posting yesterday. It was the first time in all my six months that I didn’t get to write or steal anything. I have only dial-up at home and my iPhone’s battery went dead. Woe is me…
Thank space that Singing Spock brightened my day!
(and thanks to Dave for finding this gem!)
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