JusWondering… Why Would Anyone Use CGI To Be Creepy?

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

That bad feeling is a mix of is this gonna scare me and is this gonna be a waste of time.

This is the remake of Evil Dead.  Judging by this moment in the previews (stuck in a fifteen minute loop), I’m tipping toward the first part of my bad feeling:

But why is that so scary?  I’d like to think it’s due to mostly practical effects as opposed to CGI.  Case in point – two flicks I’ve recently caught on cable that freaked me a little bit out.  Well, one did more than the other, and I’ll let you guess which was which.  But they were both made in the 80’s, so that explains a lot.

Here’s Coma Baby from Bright Lights, Big City:

Here’s Alfred E. Neuman from Up the Academy (also on loop):

You’re welcome.


Yes Or No, Y’Know… Upcoming Movie Projects Edition

If this was an article produced by a robot, it would be buttons with a 1 or 0. Or would a robot use YES and NO buttons to not seem like a robot?

I’m not a robot; otherwise the buttons would be marked with 1 or 0. Or would a robot use YES and NO buttons to not seem like a robot? Negative! Abort! Abort!

Hey y’all, let’s check out my simplest feelings about some upcoming film announcements.

Kevin Smith has decided to go ahead and make Clerks III.  It’s a little sooner than his “every ten years” speculation (Clerks II was released in 2006), but he must have some good ideas about what Dante and Randall have been up to.  I’m guessing that at least one of them has started a family.  I’m hoping it doesn’t become Clerks 3D(article)

Because nobody was asking for it, Edward Woodward’s 1985 TV series, The Equalizer, is getting adapted for the big screen.  It’s basically about a one-man A-Team that equalizes situations for the underdogs… that pay him.  Denzell Washington is set to star; even better, Drive’s director Nicholas Winding Refn will helm. (article)

Why in the world would anyone want to remake Jumanji?  Sure, the special effects weren’t the greatest, but it was 1995 after all.  How about just a Special Edition re-release? (article)

I might be more excited about a Fantastic Four reboot if Disney/Marvel was in charge instead of 20th Century Fox.  Well, maybe not.  It is just the Fantastic Bore Four(article)

Didn’t see the first live-action, Johnny Depp weird-fest, Alice in Wonderland; won’t see the second live-action, Johnny Depp weird-fest, Alice in Wonderland II(article)

God has apparently changed his mind.  Ghostbusters III is a go! (article)

The Bill Murray story was a hoax! (article)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Fantasy Movies

NOTE: Everything that follows is my opinion… and it’s all fact.

Fantasy movies are geared toward the audience that longs to be whisked away, and that’s namely the pre-teens of this world.  The reason why they are so susceptible: there’s still imagination (child-like wonder) remaining in their brains.  Any adult that is too into fantasy films obviously has a mental/social disorder (hello PotHeads and Twihards)…

I’m not meaning to be mean.  I’m merely meaning to get to the bottom of why fantasy films don’t do it for me anymore.

Growing up, I loved Clash of the Titans, The Beastmaster, The Dark Crystal, Gremlins, Tron, The Princess Bride, and some movies had to deal with a Star War or a few. There were others that I couldn’t quite get into like Legend and Labyrinth, but I always felt they were more for the young ladies (for the record, The Princess Bride was being read to Kevin Arnold Fred Savage).

Outside of The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (it’s insanely absurd and clever), when I was turning thirteen, Willow wasn’t even cutting it anymore.  If I was going to like a dopey fantasy movie, it had something else going for it, such as my crush on Winona Ryder in Edward Scissorhands or me still being a fan of Steven Spielberg when he made Hook.

Let’s use The Neverending Story trilogy (yes there were three – and a TV show) to reiterate:

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

The first film released in 1984: AWE-SOME (hyphen added for pause worthy emphasis).

The second film released in 1990: (Avoid making tasteless joke about Jonathan Brandis, avoid making tasteless joke about Jonathan Brandis, avoid making tasteless joke about Jonathan Brandis…)

The third film released in 1994: Really?!  Highlights from an IMDB review:

I cannot begin to describe how awful this movie is… NES3, for lack of a better term, sucks.  The storyline was as unimaginative and vapid as you could hope for… After the fart jokes and potty humor commenced, I just couldn’t take it any longer.  My advice is don’t wast your time and ruin your childhood memories with this piece of refuse.

Now I don’t count superhero movies or animated films because they’ve almost attained the status of having their own genre.  Outside of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, what do you have left to defend?  The Mummy films?  Van Helsing?  (Not fair – those are mostly Stephen Sommers‘ pieces of crap.)  Okay, then.  MirrorMask?  Eragon?  Beowulf?  Lady in the Water?!  Stardust and Coraline were even kind of meh.

(SIDENOTE: I will give props to The Last Mimzy, The Bridge to Terebithia, and Big Fish for tugging my heart strings, 300 for being new, and the first Pirates of the Caribbean for the laughs. Am I missing any others?)

Ultimately, have fantasy films declined from being the shit to just shitty, or am I just getting old?  I guess the proof will be in the pudding (sorry for the oldtimer-y expression) when the following films get remade or updated:

(FINAL SIDENOTE: I really, really, really, seriously hope that M. Night Shyamalan doesn’t fuck up The Last Airbender.  I looooove that cartoon.  That ended it’s run.  On Nickelodeon.  Just last year.  Stop looking at me that way!  I don’t have that serious of a mental/social disorder!  Use this blog as proof!)

JusWondering… What Do Hackman, Rudd, The Gute, And The Mac Guy Have In Common?

In response to the post title’s inquiry:  they’re all… Actors!

Here’s a couple things I’ve been JusWondering about each.

1) Gene Hackman

"Men at Work 2: Trash Tweens"

"Men at Work 2: Trash Tweens"

Whatever happened to Gene “Hack Man” Hackman?  Why hasn’t he been acting lately?  The last film he appeared in was Welcome to Mooseport, and heaven forbid something happens to him, but does an actor of his caliber really want his swan song to be a co-starring vehicle with the guy that played a CGI mammoth?  Personally, I think he’s better than most of the Actors! of his generation… mostly because he was Lex Luthor and Popeye Doyle.  And of course, Royal Tenenbaum.

2) Paul Rudd/Steve Guttenberg

The Rudd meets the Gute, and it was "Grute"

The Rudd meets the Gute, and it was "Grute"

Paul Rudd reminds my mother of Steve Guttenberg, for some reason.  Though I would have to admit that if they when they remake Police AcademyRudd would make a great Mahoney

I also think he would make a great Krull, if that’s what the main character’s name was.  If Krull is the blue guy, the chick, or the kick-ass weapon, then no.  All I remember about Krull is that kick-ass weapon.

I should have Photoshopped Rudd into this, but I'm lazy.

I should have Photoshopped Rudd into this, but I'm lazy.

3) Justin Long


He Longs for a major hit.

How about this guy and his scene stealing?  I don’t think he works as well as a lead (Accepted or Waiting…), or as well as an assistant lead (Live Free or Die Hard), but in bit parts… he shines.  Since I was initially amused by him in Galaxy Quest, he’s eaten the scenery (and his co-stars) in The Break Up, Idiocracy, Walk Hard, and Zack and Miri Make a PornoWill Ferrell started off the same way, in the background out loud, and now he slays in (most of) his films.  Maybe the same will happen Justin time so he won’t have to wait for too Long.

Meh Find… Lily Allen’s Womanizer

This one’s not quite so much a Happy Find as Meh Find.  Damn this song for getting stuck in my head in the first place, and damn it again for getting remade into something more tolerable.  It’s like getting a butterknife stuck in my head as opposed to a mace.  (via IDLYITW)

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