recovering catholic

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… I Can’t Believe Billy Joel Sang About That

Posted on by sgottahurt

These monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK entries are examples of posts I might have written in the past had there been any technology other than corded remote controls, microfiche, and record players available.  This one is about a Billy Joel song I’ve only recently heard for the first time that deals with the topic of phone sex, a.k.a. not mastering your domain.

I also need add the fact that I was a good Catholic kid.  As proof of my lunacy reverence, I remember listening to Beck’s Odelay! on my Walkman for the first time, and literally throwing the headphones off because I thought it was devil music.

It’s not like my parents were super-religious or anything either… although I do remember my dad not being too happy with Olivia Newton-John’s Physical and Huey Lewis and the News’ I Want a New Drug.  But that was just a father looking out for his kid.  It’s not like any parents let their offspring listen to artists like Nicki Minaj or Flo Rida these days…

I’m a huge fan of Billy Joel.  I grew up listening to An Innocent Man on LP, and his greatest hits collection on cassette.  Can you imagine my surprise when I heard a new old song by him playing overhead at Kmart?  I figured out it’s called Sometimes a Fantasy, and it goes a bit something like this:

While at Kmart, I looked through all the cassettes trying to find which album it was on.  I finally figured out it was on Glass Houses which came out in 1980.  That’s the record You May Be Right, Don’t Ask Me Why, and It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me were all on.  I asked my mom if I could get it, but she said I already had enough of those songs on the greatest hits collection.  It would be like throwing money away.  I begged and begged, and finally she let me get it.

As soon as I got home, I ripped open the plastic, cracked open the cassette, and popped the tape in my boombox.  I was going to fast forward past You May Be Right, but I waited through it.  I listened to it once, then rewound it to get the lyrics.  I paused it after every line so I could write it down.  And you know what it was about?

Using your imagination!  I play by myself all the time using my imagination, and now my favorite musician has sung a song about it!  What a great day!  May 13, 2002 will live on in history!

(Not So) Artistic Representation

(Not So) Artistic Representation

Drunken Recollection… Supercalifrag-Religion-Expialidocious

Posted on by sgottahurt

Religion would not seem to be a great topic of conversation while imbibing libations, but in my group of friends… well, you can only tell so many bathroom horror stories.

Since all of us (pretty much) were born and raised Catholics, all of us (pretty much) are no longer.  So topics about what we are, where we’ll go, and how many blue cars there are come up often.  One of the common ones – which bands are religious and claim/pretend not to be.

Recently, it was brought up about this band, and this album, and the song Shine:

Whoa... heaven let your light shine down.

Whoa... heaven let your light shine down.

Does it mean they are religious?  Quite the opposite.  From their Wikipedia page:

Ed Roland was reading Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead and came across the phrase “collection of souls.” Although author Ayn Rand actually uses the phrase in a negative connotation, using the “collective soul” as a threat to the main character’s sense of individualism, Ed is quick to point out, “…we’re not preaching Ayn Rand, objectivism, egoism, or anything…we just dug the name…” and “it [the band’s name] could’ve come out of a Motorcycle Magazine.”

There have been other bands we’ve accused, such as Vertical Horizon (because their name describes a cross, but they seem like a basic college band), The Fray (made up of non-proselytizing Christians), Lifehouse (started as Christian band called Blyss, but they’re no longer that way) , and Switchfoot (name comes from surfing, but they have played Christian rock concerts).  It’s interesting that none of them claim to be 100% Christian Rock bands (because how else could they sell to the masses, so to speak).

I just think they’re afraid to be associated with this kind of stuff:

(via the incredible Everything is Terrible)

And in the same way, could I say I enjoyed their music if they were considered CCM (Contempory Christian Music)?

F OSU... Y not YMCA?

Why OHIO? Why not YMCA?

Drunken Recollection… Palm Reading At Strip Clubs

Posted on by sgottahurt

Ah, the universal question… why do I get so philosophical when I get drunk?  (Okay, it may not be universal to you, but it certainly is to me.)  Is it that maybe I’m always so deeply lost in thought, that the suppression of ideas spill out when my tongue’s been freed by liquid courage?  Or do I talk out my ass and sell the shit out of my bullshit?

Whatever the answer, the fact that remains is this: why am I doing this when I’m at the strip club local ballet?

Now before you go getting all judgmentallyish on me, know that I’m going to blame it on my friends.  I’m always going to say they dragged me there.  It’s besides the point that they actually did have to drag me there the first time I went (I was still a very, very devout Catholic back then), but nowadays there’s a little less arm twisting (it’s usually bribery that gets me).  So anyhoohah, to my point – what was my point?

A couple of my friends recently happened upon a local ballerina establishment.  (Actually, it was the night of my Sober Recollection… that was the next stop I could not be bribed into.)  One of them later recounted to me that one of the ladies claimed to be a palm reader.  He swore she got his name, his occupation, and a few other things right, to which I decried “balogna” (would “baloney” have had more of a visual impact?)  I figured our other friend had to give her a heads-up because I don’t believe palm reading works that way (if at all).

This story he told me while at a different joint (oh yeah, this was where I was going).  It lead me to ponder (okay it’s not quite philosophizing, but I do that a lot as well) about what I would like to have happen if I ever got my palm read.  I would be so excited if the reader started looking over my lines, and then immediately stood up and backed away.  “Go!  You must leave!  Now!”  The reader’s voice would crack as they cowered into the corner, crying.  Man, that would give me the biggest smile.

Another scenario I always daydream about is more of a prank.  I need to find a good recording of screaming demons so that I could call my friends and when they answered, I’d just play the burning in fire and brimstone response.

I also pretend I’m Wolverine or John McClane when I’m in my hallways at work.  Man, this post went off rail… must be because of this beer I’m palm reading.

Palm reading is fundamental.

Palm reading is fundamental.