puppets

Hibbidy-Wah?! Meet Colby – The Christian Robot

Posted on by sgottahurt

Whoawhoawhoawhoa… whoa.  Fuck this video.

  • That’s not a computer – that’s a robot.
  • If Colby is everyone’s friend as that one girl tells Nick (he’s a jerk!), then why did he need to get introduced at the start?
  • Not only is Colby programmed all the scriptures in the Bible, he doesn’t even know what a game is?
  • A two-parter – how can machines be “overweight” and why is Nick such a jerk?!
  • What kind of talking-out-of-your-ass line is this:

I must reorganize my files… they’re completely out of phase!

  • Praying never fixes anyone’s computer after a surge.  Changing a power supply might.
  • Why do all the kids talk SO LOUD?!
  • What the fuck are Flip and Flop, and why are the only ones that can fix Colby?  Does this mean they are greater than God, since He couldn’t do it?  Nope.  Their just a couple of dicks disks.
  • More out-of-your-ass talk:

Oh, I simply must reposition these files!

  • Who doesn’t have a pocket bible, raise your hand!
  • Have you ever seen a greater parallel to proselytizing than the robot song performed against Nick?  (Why would they trust a jerk alone with Colby, unless they knew Colby could indoctrinate him?)  Lyrics:

Kids: We are all robots, and you must be a robot, too!

Nick: I don’t wanna be a robot!

  • If you want to skip to the trip, jump to the 4:18 mark.

(via the un-terrible Everything is Terrible)

Hibbidy-Wah?! Perverted Puppets Are Fun, Especially Out Of Context

Posted on by sgottahurt

Remember in high school at the strip club, when the nuns would talk about how God makes it rain you made it rain on that stripper, and you’d get “excited” for no a very good reason?  Well this video is kinda nothing like that.

(via Found Footage Festival)

Musical Musings… My Top Ten List Of 80’s Remakes

Posted on by sgottahurt

So many comments, so little time. (See below*)

So many comments, so little time. (See below*)

A couple months ago, I showcased my friend/boss Paul’s top five punk covers of 80’s rock bands, but I feel he missed out on some other fine remakes by focusing solely on the punk versions. 

I didn’t and still don’t agree with his number one selection, and although two of his choices made my top ten list, he’s little bit out of touch with the alternative music scene of late.  I’m not claiming to be any wunderkind either, but here are ten of my favorite reinventions/redos/remakes/reboots… whatever it is that Hollywood calls them. 

Let me know in the comments if I missed any.

10) No Doubt – It’s My Life (original by Talk Talk)
Probably the last good song No Doubt made, and will ever make, and it’s not even their own.

9) Seether – Careless Whisper (original by Wham!)
Cool video.  Not sure if it’s official.

8) Alien Ant Farm – Smooth Criminal (original by Michael Jackson, duh)
Paul put this at #5 of 5.  See where I rank it.  I think the leader singer’s weirdness in the video puts me off, but the homages to MJ’s life bring me back.

7) HIM – Wicked Game (original by Chris Isaak)
The original is a haunting song.  HIM is a haunting band.  Win.

6) The Ataris – Boys of Summer (original by Don Henley)
The Ataris once said in an interview I don’t feel like relocating that they wanted to remake this song to point out the creepiness inherent in it.  I never noticed it was creepy until they mentioned it, and that made me love both versions more.

5) Nonpoint – In the Air Tonight (original by Phil Collins)
The gorilla says it all for me.

4) Disturbed – Land of Confusion (original by Genesis)
Likewise, the puppets say it all for me.

3) Orgy – Blue Monday (original by New Order)
This isn’t really my kind of music (neither version).  And the fact that I dig it despite that speaks volumes.

2) Marilyn Manson – Tainted Love (original by Soft Cell)
Who am I kidding?  The video sold me.  Chyler Leigh, Mia Kirshner, and Jaime Pressly will cancel out Manson every time.

1) Limp Bizkit – Faith (original by George Michael)
I make no apologies for this.  I had a weird story happen over the course of listening to this song, and for that, it gets number one.  And now for the comments on the pic at the top of the post:

* COMMENTS
“I don’t know who pulls off the leather better.  I’d bet it’s a tie.”
“Is George Michael smelling his armpit?”
“Why does Fred Durst look like one of my uncles now?  They even wear the same jacket!”
“Why do I get the feeling these two have awkwardly bumped into each other using the restroom.”
“something-something… at least he’s wearing a glove!”

Finis.