The Silver Lining… Sometimes Watching Commercials Can Bring Surprises

The other day, I was a little lax on my DVR commercial skipping, and this commercial came on:

What the fuck is this movie?!  Branded!  It’s not even on Wikipedia (all hail Wikipedia).  It’s barely on IMDb

It looks like it could be a kick-ass movie; it also looks like it could dumb as hell.

But either way, I’d know nothing about it if – *gulp* – I didn’t watch the commercials.

(P.S. I guess it’s a Russian film.  Could be Night Watch; could be The Darkest Hour.)

Awful Battle… Preview Mix-N-Match

It’s good that there are finally movies coming out that I want to see.  They’re not necessarily good, but I’ve been hitting up the silver screen more in the last month than all winter with no signs of slowing down.

That having been said, I’m getting caught up on non-blockbuster preview fare, and it’s fair at best.

Take the latest offerings I witnessed (please!), and tell me if you notice something:

First, they are all screenplay movies.  By that I mean to evoke Little Miss Sunshine or Cedar Rapids.  They are all movies that read well, I’m sure, but have limited commercial commercial appeal.

Second, they either feature the charming Emily BluntJason Segel, or both!

(SIDENOTE: I saw these previews in this exact order before the tragically unfunny Wanderlust.)

Am I eager to see any of them?  No.  But will I eventually?  Yes.

Emily Blunt and  Jason Segel are just so charming!

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… The Girl With The Drag-On Preview

I thought this preview was The Shit:

It really spoke volumes to me.  (Probably because it is a very loud preview in the theater.)  I’ve been a longtime fan of director David Fincher, and even with his misstep that was the ingratiating The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, I had hopes that The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo could be good.

Until I saw this:

Boooooooooooorrrrrriiiinnnnnngggg…

If I wanted to read the book, I would have read the book.  This follow-up “explanatory” trailer has completely turned me off of the movie.  And that’s Just Shitty

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Sillydink Or Sillydonk?

Of course I know in reality, this is neither a Coinkydink or a Coinkydonk, but it’s fun nonetheless.

The first time I saw this preview, I thought it was brilliant… a throwback to previews of films from the 70’s edited in the style of Generation YouTube.  Here is the trailer for David Fincher’s upcoming The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo:

The first time I saw this preview moments ago, I thought it also was brilliant.  And green.  Definitely green…

JusWondering… Does This Revenge Flick Take Place In Ohio?

Tough and beautiful (always lead with tough) Zoe Saldana has a new movie coming out, in which she will neither be a blue cat person, nor Ashton Kutcher’s love interest, of which I see no difference.

It’s called:

They forgot to say "Vengeance is Tough." Always lead with "tough."

From the previews, it appears to be a high-octane, face-busting, car-blowing-up, Zoe-in-underwear-at-one-point good time.  And I think it takes place in Ohio.

Columbiana, Ohio, as a matter of fact.  Here’s their website.  Here’s their Twitter account.

Here’s their antique store:

Come see new old things!

Here’s their movie theater:

Come here to see the movie if we get it!

Here’s (one of) their church(es):

Come and pray this film will play at our theater!

It seems like a nice quaint place… that looks nothing at all like it does on film:

But then again, George Clooney’s movie looked nothing like Rhode Island:

Syriana's in Rhode Island, right?

Happy Find… The Legend Of Korra Preview

I.

Can’t.

Wait.

(Even though I have to.  Until when?  Maybe next year???)

(SIDENOTE: I think it’s kind of stupid that they can’t use Avatar in their title anymore because of the dumb tail-fucking blue people.  Avatar: The Last Airbender used it first!)

Maybe if I freeze myself, I can get to see Legend of Korra that much quicker…

Awful Battle… Cutesy Penguins Vs. A Chatterbox Gorilla (And More!)

Once upon a time, I really thought Jim Carrey was funny.

He had a spectrum of characters on In Living Color, and both Ace Ventura films were a hoot (see what I did there).  The Mask and Dumb and Dumber were practically (or actually) tailor-made for him, and Liar Liar was the pièce de résistence for that phase of his career.

But then came The Truman Show and Man on the Moon, and things started to get tricky.  He couldn’t quite go back to wacky.  I wasn’t too big a fan of Me, Myself & Irene (although I blame that more on my waning Farrelly Brothers sensibilities).  Bruce Almighty was all-righty then, and at that point, boom goes the dynamite.  Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind erases every Grinch, every Majestic, every Cable Guy, and every Riddler, Batman forever.

So what’s he to do?  His adult fare no longer fared well (Fun with Dick and Jane, The Number 23, Yes Man, I Love You Phillip Morris), whereas his kid-schtick (Lemony Snicket, Horton Hears a Who?, A Christmas Carol)… did marginally better?

So his latest offering, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, should be of no surprise:

Once upon a time, I thought Kevin James was funny.  Not really.  I really liked him in Hitch, though, and I guess he was okay on The King of Queens (my problems were more with Leah Remini and Jerry Stiller).  Paul Blart: Mall Cop felt like a plain donut after watching the insane Observe and Report, and Grown Ups frankly sucked balls.

But James is in a movie with animals, too, and it only illustrates how far Jim Carrey has fallen.  See the talking feces fest here:

Which one wins this Awful Battle?

Happy Find… X-Men: First Class

We are getting a ton of Marvel Comics movies this year (okay, three).  Here’s the preview for the latest:

Could be pretty cool, x-pecially since it’s directed by Kick-Ass’s kick-ass helmer, Matthew Vaughn.  He was supposed to direct X-Men: The Last Stand, but the x-crutiating Brett Ratner took over.

Think of this film as his apology letter…

JusWondering… Why Isn’t This A Disney Release?

I barely remember hearing about the upcoming Gnomeo & Juliet, except that it was a retelling of Romeo and Juliet using lawn decorations, and featuring music by Sir Elton John.  Oh.  That’s exactly what it is.

At the start of the preview, when the Touchstone Pictures logo popped up, I thought:

Why isn’t this a Disney release?  (see above header)

Because Touchstone is Disney, you see.  So I started thinking:

Maybe it’s a PG-13 release aimed at an older audience.

After all, that is why Disney created the thunderbolt off-shoot in the first place.  But no.  It’s rated G.  And it’s the first of all Touchstone Pictures to be rated so low.  (It’s only their second animated feature, to boot.  The other is The Nightmare Before Christmas.)

Well, how was I going to get to the bottom of this?  What rhymes with stickymedia?

Initially, the film was going to be produced by Disney Feature Animation, but was shut down by its new chief, John Lasseter, after the Pixar acquisition.  Miramax Films picked up the project and guided its production until the division closed down… The film will now be released under the Touchstone Pictures banner on February 11, 2011… (via Wikipedia)

So much for answers.  My guess is that so much work was put into it prior to merger with Pixar, that it was the traditional cry of:

The show must gnome on!

Sorry for that pun, but I’d venture to guess the actual film won’t be much better… And for sure, it won’t be better than this adaption of the Shakespeare classic:

Happy Find… A Capella Inception Trailer

I’ve watched this more times than I would have expected to based upon the premise.

PREMISE: Somebody removed the original soundtrack from the Inception preview and re-dubbed it all… the music, character voices, and sound effects.

The part that keeps me clicking replay?  The music.

Here’s the original for comparison: