The Silver Lining… Sometimes Watching Commercials Can Bring Surprises

The other day, I was a little lax on my DVR commercial skipping, and this commercial came on:

What the fuck is this movie?!  Branded!  It’s not even on Wikipedia (all hail Wikipedia).  It’s barely on IMDb

It looks like it could be a kick-ass movie; it also looks like it could dumb as hell.

But either way, I’d know nothing about it if – *gulp* – I didn’t watch the commercials.

(P.S. I guess it’s a Russian film.  Could be Night Watch; could be The Darkest Hour.)

Awful Battle… Preview Mix-N-Match

It’s good that there are finally movies coming out that I want to see.  They’re not necessarily good, but I’ve been hitting up the silver screen more in the last month than all winter with no signs of slowing down.

That having been said, I’m getting caught up on non-blockbuster preview fare, and it’s fair at best.

Take the latest offerings I witnessed (please!), and tell me if you notice something:

First, they are all screenplay movies.  By that I mean to evoke Little Miss Sunshine or Cedar Rapids.  They are all movies that read well, I’m sure, but have limited commercial commercial appeal.

Second, they either feature the charming Emily BluntJason Segel, or both!

(SIDENOTE: I saw these previews in this exact order before the tragically unfunny Wanderlust.)

Am I eager to see any of them?  No.  But will I eventually?  Yes.

Emily Blunt and  Jason Segel are just so charming!

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… The Girl With The Drag-On Preview

I thought this preview was The Shit:

It really spoke volumes to me.  (Probably because it is a very loud preview in the theater.)  I’ve been a longtime fan of director David Fincher, and even with his misstep that was the ingratiating The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, I had hopes that The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo could be good.

Until I saw this:


If I wanted to read the book, I would have read the book.  This follow-up “explanatory” trailer has completely turned me off of the movie.  And that’s Just Shitty

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Sillydink Or Sillydonk?

Of course I know in reality, this is neither a Coinkydink or a Coinkydonk, but it’s fun nonetheless.

The first time I saw this preview, I thought it was brilliant… a throwback to previews of films from the 70’s edited in the style of Generation YouTube.  Here is the trailer for David Fincher’s upcoming The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo:

The first time I saw this preview moments ago, I thought it also was brilliant.  And green.  Definitely green…

JusWondering… Does This Revenge Flick Take Place In Ohio?

Tough and beautiful (always lead with tough) Zoe Saldana has a new movie coming out, in which she will neither be a blue cat person, nor Ashton Kutcher’s love interest, of which I see no difference.

It’s called:

They forgot to say "Vengeance is Tough." Always lead with "tough."

From the previews, it appears to be a high-octane, face-busting, car-blowing-up, Zoe-in-underwear-at-one-point good time.  And I think it takes place in Ohio.

Columbiana, Ohio, as a matter of fact.  Here’s their website.  Here’s their Twitter account.

Here’s their antique store:

Come see new old things!

Here’s their movie theater:

Come here to see the movie if we get it!

Here’s (one of) their church(es):

Come and pray this film will play at our theater!

It seems like a nice quaint place… that looks nothing at all like it does on film:

But then again, George Clooney’s movie looked nothing like Rhode Island:

Syriana's in Rhode Island, right?

Happy Find… The Legend Of Korra Preview




(Even though I have to.  Until when?  Maybe next year???)

(SIDENOTE: I think it’s kind of stupid that they can’t use Avatar in their title anymore because of the dumb tail-fucking blue people.  Avatar: The Last Airbender used it first!)

Maybe if I freeze myself, I can get to see Legend of Korra that much quicker…

Awful Battle… Cutesy Penguins Vs. A Chatterbox Gorilla (And More!)

Once upon a time, I really thought Jim Carrey was funny.

He had a spectrum of characters on In Living Color, and both Ace Ventura films were a hoot (see what I did there).  The Mask and Dumb and Dumber were practically (or actually) tailor-made for him, and Liar Liar was the pièce de résistence for that phase of his career.

But then came The Truman Show and Man on the Moon, and things started to get tricky.  He couldn’t quite go back to wacky.  I wasn’t too big a fan of Me, Myself & Irene (although I blame that more on my waning Farrelly Brothers sensibilities).  Bruce Almighty was all-righty then, and at that point, boom goes the dynamite.  Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind erases every Grinch, every Majestic, every Cable Guy, and every Riddler, Batman forever.

So what’s he to do?  His adult fare no longer fared well (Fun with Dick and Jane, The Number 23, Yes Man, I Love You Phillip Morris), whereas his kid-schtick (Lemony Snicket, Horton Hears a Who?, A Christmas Carol)… did marginally better?

So his latest offering, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, should be of no surprise:

Once upon a time, I thought Kevin James was funny.  Not really.  I really liked him in Hitch, though, and I guess he was okay on The King of Queens (my problems were more with Leah Remini and Jerry Stiller).  Paul Blart: Mall Cop felt like a plain donut after watching the insane Observe and Report, and Grown Ups frankly sucked balls.

But James is in a movie with animals, too, and it only illustrates how far Jim Carrey has fallen.  See the talking feces fest here:

Which one wins this Awful Battle?