Recognize Anybody In This Old Commercial?

Oh, you don’t?  I thought she was… and he was… oh, never mind.

A Handful Of… Cool Things I Liked As A Kid That I Still Think I Like

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in standing by this list, but I’m afraid I share it with prepubescent dweebs.  Carry on!

Item #1 – The Hand Boiler

Borderline Magic

Remember these?  You held them in your hand, and the liquid would boil up to the top.  Then you would take it out of your hand and then the liquid would return to the bottom… only to be boiled by your hand again.  I guess these aren’t much different from those plastic collapsible animals, but they seem cooler (maybe cooler should be italicized as well).

Item #2 – Wire Ring Puzzles

Borderline Impossible

I adored these.

For some reason.

Item #3 – Astronaut Ice Cream

Borderline Tasty

In pre-Challenger America, NASA was The Shit.  Every kid in this country dreamed of becoming astrophysicists, and we swallowed the pill that this was the way spacemen (and women) enjoyed our favorite childhood treat.  It didn’t take us becoming rocket scientists to realize this wasn’t worth all the work.

Item #4 – Squirmles

Borderline Boring

“These ain’t ya daddy’s Squirmles! Wait. Yes, they are…” – Abandoned Slogan

I had a few of these as a kid and I used them to torture my sisters.  Not in any “frightening” way or method, either.  They always wanted to play with them; I wouldn’t let them.

Item #5 – Chemistry Set

Borderline Dangerous

My godfather bought me my first (and only) chemistry set when I was about ten.  I made a lot of powders change colors, and it was awesome!  This particular set costs $250. It must be super awesome…

InASense, Lost… Nostalgia’s Like An Underage Female Robot

In other words… nostalgia is pointless.  I mean, if you’re going to build a robot, why make it a little girl?  Unless it’s a weapon, I guess.

Sorry, I know the provocative title sounded like this post was going to be about something decidedly Japanese, but you’re as wrong as an underage female robot from Japan would could be.

In all actuality, it’s about the 1985 show called Small Wonder, and it’s forgotten awfulness.  I’ll let this video do the talking:

Let’s see how my fond memories of Manimal and Automan have held up:

Well, it’s like what Owens Lee Pomeroy always used to say (or at least said once)…

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson:  you find the present tense, but the past perfect!

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Punk Covers Of 80’s Songs

99 Red Bowling Shirts

99 Red Bowling Shirts

Aaah, the 80’s.  They’re definitely Generation X (and sometimes Y)’s version of our parents and their nostalgic-laden 60’s.  And since my boss, Paul, and I are huge fans of living in the past, Paul thought he’d double-dip in the ethers of remember-when, and present this list:

Top 5 Punk Covers of 80’s Songs

5. Smooth Criminal – Alien Ant Farm
“I was never a big Michael Jackson fan, especially his late 80’s work, but this version makes this song listenable.”

4. Boys of Summer – The Ataris
“While Don Henley’s original has some 80’s nostalgia to it, this is by far a better version.”

3. Come On Eileen – Save Ferris
“Awesome remake by this ska band wit the lead vocal hottie. I can actually understand Dexy’s Midnight Runners’ lyrics with this version.” [Ed. – When I saw saw them in concert, “vocal hottie” Monique Powell had this joke to say:]

What’s worse than Grease on Olivia Newton-JohnCome on Eileen!

2. Take On Me – Reel Big Fish
“One of the best ska bands from the 90’s doing the #1 80’s Hit from A-Ha.  Also, it was featured in the South Park creators’ movie, Baseketball.” [For those stuck more in the 80’s than us, those creators would be none other than Trey Parker and Matt Stone, natch. – Ed.]

1. 99 Red Balloons – Goldfinger
“One of my favorite punk bands doing one the the better songs from the 80’s by Nena.”

InASense, Lost… When Food And Robots (Plus Dinosaurs And Village People) Combine

I have suddenly and not-so-inexplicably become obsessed with something from my youth.  No, it’s not the Sesame Street Playset that I accidentally won on eBay (and will be giving to my brother for his upcoming birthday – glad he doesn’t read this blog, even though I always ask him to!)

It’s even better than that:

I completely forgot about them!  And in doing research to try to find out more about the robots-in-disfries, I stumbled upon these guys and was further surprised:

Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?

Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?

McDino Changeables?  Isn’t that going a little bit too far?

But how could I ever forget this crew:

They're like the Village People of fast food.

They're like the Village People of fast food.

I don’t know what’s been going on lately other than I haven’t been drinking as much (which I wrecktified last night), so I have a hard time falling asleep (which is probably a bad thing on a whole bunch of different levels).

Whatever this nostalgia malady is all about, I hope it ends soon.

…I just bid on some McDino Changeables

Happy Find… Hypnotic Videos

I am so mad right now (despite this being a Happy Find). 

I hope that most of you have seen it already, but I really, really, really wanted to post a video called She’s a Talker, but the guy who put it on YouTube has since taken it down.  Basically, it was 73 different (allegedly) gay men brushing their pet cats and saying – what else – “She’s a talker.”  It was hypnotic more than funny (well, actually, more than halfway through when you realize how many guys are doing and saying the exact same thing, it becomes humorous). 

But anywhiskers, here was my planned lead-in hypnotic video (and yes, that’s Lynn Redgrave, Mindy Cohn, and Ruth Buzzi… I don’t know how I kept my pants on):

(via Everything is Terrible, my new favorite blog)


(via Hipster Runoff, my always favorite blog):

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “HIPSTER RUNOFF | A Blog Worth Bloggin…“, posted with vodpod

They Don’t Make ‘Em Like This Anymore… Thank God

As big a fan as I am of the nostalgia provided by the 80’s, there is a pretty sunny darkside to the fonder memories.  Prime example: Juice Newton’s “Love’s Been a Little Hard on Me.” 

Sounds a little bit like some rodents I used to know:

And not to completely wring Juice of having any nostalgic value, she’ll always be my “Angel of the Morning.”

Drunken Recollection… Things Learned Over Thanksgiving Weekend

Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone, as has all the turkey (et. al.) through me.  With this in mind, I shall impart onto you the various things that I learned over the past four days.

1) There is something called The Amazing Plant Lamp.  As the website proclaims:

The only lamp of its kind where you quickly touch the live plant to turn it on and off or hold a leaf and it works as a dimmer.

Ain’t that the bees knees!  Just stick the Amazing Plant Lamp kit in any plant and voila!

2) Raisins are forcibly put into too many things, like cinnamon bread and puddings.  I usually don’t eat any of these foods anyway, but I can relate because of how common it is for bakers to put nuts in fudge brownies (that could be taken out of context)!  Enough!  I want choices!

(SIDE NOTE: I used to like Fig Newtons as a kid because I thought it was some kind of weird tasting chocolate.  Then I learned and thus hated them.)

3) Chocotinis have zero alcohol content, despite what anyone else might claim.  My sister was pulled over for having non-working turn signals.  She was nervous and forgot her alphabet.  The cop made her do the random balance tests and the such, then he gave her a Breathalyzer test.  She blew zero.  Case closed!

4) You can break the bottom off a beer bottle with water and a hand slap.  Basically, take an empty bottle (in this case, it was Coors Light), fill it halfway with water, hold the neck in one hand, and slam the palm of your other hand on the bottle’s mouth.  The bottom drops out from the instant air pressure, I guess.  Apparently, beer has more shock absorption.

5) My cousin Steve might be a diabolical genius.  In discussing the biggest insults one man could make against another (backhanding was #3… spitting in face was #2… we didn’t go beyond what’s to follow), he declared the greatest coup, the most humiliating attack, the most degrading defeat, the biggest insult to be ever perpetrated in the world would be this – to tickle a man in front of his family.  Right in front of his wife, his children, and his dog.  Tickled to the point of tears and uncontrollable laughter.  It’s guaranteed that after the giggles were through, he’d pack up his things and walk out the door, not saying a word, not making any eye contact, swearing to himself to never return again, and all this would be understood.  Out of humiliation he’d still support the family, though thousands of miles away.  And his family could become your family.

6) As a kid, I watched WXYZ Channel 7 way more than I realized, because they had a special on about their past 60 years, and I got choked up.  Stupid nostalgia…

7) I would put that the Detroit Lions suck, but I already knew that.