miller lite

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Sexy Beer Ads

Posted on by sgottahurt

Sexism in beer advertising just ain’t what it used to be.

Remember when beer ads had scantily clad women in barely there bikinis, rubbing icy cold bottles of the devil’s brew up and down their glistening– wait, there never were commercials like this?!

Take a look at the latest offering from Miller Lite and tell me if it’s sexy or not:

Well okay sure, the ladies are hot.  And there’s nothing wrong with beautiful girls in full-body blue bathing suits tackling a man in a convenience shop.  But I can’t help but wonder what these kind of commercials would be like if the censors weren’t watching.  I’m not talking XXX territory either, just a racier ad.

After all, isn’t this an ad campaign aimed at guys?  Guys that the MillerCoors Brewing Company want to drink their light beer? Or is that what this boils down to.  Perhaps a manlier beer deserves a manlier campaign:

I’d rather stay thirsty my friends, than gather Taste Points…

…even though I prefer to drink Miller Lite over Dos Equis.
But that’s mostly because I’m cheap frugal!

Uncle Sean’s Story Time… Long Shots, Free Shots, And Snapshots

Posted on by sgottahurt

Gather ’round, gather ’round, kiddies… it’s time for another one of Uncle Sean’s drunk stories… this tale is includes everything – intrigue, comedy, romance, adventure, tragedy… at least the way I remember it does…

Saint Patrick’s Day is one for the textbooks, here in Detroit, and over in Chicago…  maybe some places in New York City, and definitely over in Ireland (or wherever in the world an Irishman may own a pub).  But this story doesn’t take place on St. P Day.  It happens a few days before, but in the spirit of the inebriated hullabaloo, it may have well been.

It was the first trivia tournament my team and I partook in.  It was hosted in the day by a night club I had not previously visited, and we were all pretty nervous going in.  We drove in one car and had the intention of letting Uncle Chris worry about getting us home since he is wont to be a teetotaler.  A few drink specials and missed trivia questions later, we were many sheets to the wind, and came the closest we ever will to winning the grand prize of $1000.  (More importantly, we were thisclose to each getting a mini-fridge.)  All we would have had to do was bet zero points, but I digress.

As per usual on any trivia night, all the other teams up and left, except for the first place team, and another team we befriended through the season.  All the TJ’s (trivia jockeys) were still there, and soon enough, the owner of the trivia company was buying everyone shots.

Flashes of highlights:

  • Intrigue!  We played trivia…  We could have won…  Mini-fridges!
  • Comedy!  A team of Miller Lite marketers descended upon the place, adorned in their green belly shirts and skirts.  The day was turning to night, so the night club atmosphere was developing.  A thought popped in my head and I lead a friend from the other team over to the gathering of emerald ladies.  “Excuse me,” I began, “my friend Richie would like to take a picture with you all.”  He was embarrassed, but he stood there like a champ as the bevy of beauties surrounded him on the short staircase.  I backed up, and took another step back, sizing the photo op up.  I raised my fingers and mimicked a camera.  “Click,” I said as I pantomimed pressing a button.  The liquor squad did not like that one bit and they scattered from his side.  His jaw dropped.  One of those departing chimed, “Did you get a good mental picture?”  No, but I got a good laugh.  (I wish I said something about having a photographic memory.)
  • Romance!  I know the Cupid Shuffle, and I did not know that I knew it.
  • Adventure!  I got sick and managed to stop myself twice, but one time I couldn’t, and it ended up under the table.  I proceeded to leave, and got sick again immediately upon reaching the cold air, a few more times.  I found Uncle Chris waiting outdoors as well.  He was equally as sick as I.  We tried to head to the sports bar next door to get some food, but it was too hot in there.  So we walked to Aunt Venessa and Jess’ home.  About 4 to 5 miles away.  In about 4º to 5º weather (it probably wasn’t that cold, but for literary purposes, it works).
  • Tragedy!  Chris is a drunk klepto (did I not mention the drink specials and free shots?), but he doesn’t take anything other than glasses from bars.  He had one in each of his cargo pants’ side pockets – one from the night club and one from the sports bar.  On the long walk, we passed a taxicab company and knocked on the window.  They told us to call, but neither of us had our phone.  During the trek, he stumbled and fell a few times, and didn’t break the glasses somehow.  Yet upon reaching the park next to the final destination of home, he removed the glasses to look at them, and somehow dropped and broke them.

Okay, it’s not an altogether classic story, but it left me with some good mental pictures!

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always carry a spare roll of film for your brain.

I Am Thankful For… Beer

Posted on by sgottahurt

Me wantee

Me wantee

What color would my urine be?

What color would my urine be?

It is Thanksgiving and what better day to give thanks to the greatest gift of all… beer.  And not just any beer – all beers (which I guess technically is any beer… no, any is not all-inclusive… you almost got me, inner dialogue… but doesn’t dialogue suggests two… do I have two voices in my head?)

Anyhasenfefferincorporated, back to the beer.  I was thinking about my early days of drinking, and how my initial inclination toward “better tasting drinks” shifted toward “cheaper drinks.”

In the early Canada/Impress-Hooters-Waitresses phase, I was all about Labatt Blue.  As I immatured, the pocketbook gave way to Bud Light.  (“So you’re telling me Labatt’s a buck more because it’s imported?  From Canada?  Which is next door to Detroit?”)  Then as my friends’ digestive systems could no longer tolerate BL, we’ve since moved onto Miller Lite.  (I’m a stalwart trailblazer that bucks the trends and divines my own path!)

Truth is, my beer is whatever’s on special that night.  Corona, American Ale, PBR, Michelob, Coors – no pickiness here.  It’s probably the only thing I’m not picky about, and for that I’m the most thankful of all.

Me

I don't know these people, but I do know their passion... no, not for each other... ah, forget it

In My Brain While Sleeping… Russell Simmons’ New Game Show

Posted on by sgottahurt

Russell Simmons had a cast of about fifty people from all kinds of ethnic backgrounds for his new game show – “Yellow & Blue Make Green.”  We were all outside of the set, and questions were brewing amongst the potential contestants.

“Do you think green means environmental, or do you think green mean money?”

The warehouse doors opened to allow entrance.  Inside resembled a Nickelodeon show like “Double Dare.”  There were shelves containing yellow liquids and blue liquids.  Some had yellow clay and blue clay.  Yellow paint and blue paint.  Yellow pudding and blue pudding.

I was curious.  In between each of the pairs of substances existed one green colored combination of the two. 

“I’ll bet we’re supposed to compete by mixing these and whomever gets closest to that color the fastest wins.”

Russell finally greeted us all and lead us into another area of the warehouse that looked more like a store.  He picked ten people of which I was one, and sent the rest into the green room.

He said the first person to bring him a green balloon would win, but he didn’t say what they’d win.  As everyone tried to combine yellow and blue balloons, I found a green one and brought it to Russell.  He said I get to chose the fate of someone in the green room.  I asked in what way, and he said whatever I thought that meant.

I decided to let everyone play, and he said that meant everyone won!

“Money?” I asked.  He shook his head.  “Environmental awareness?”  Again he shook his head.

“Harmony,” he responded.

INGREDIENTS: eleven bottles of Miller Lite, thirty combination pizza rolls, and three spoon fulls of large curd cottage cheese… yum!

Drunken Recollection… Instant Hangover TV

Posted on by sgottahurt

First, turn off the sound to this video.  It’s completely irrelevant to the experience (and that’s how I originally saw it).  Now pretend you’re bombed:

I was at one of my local hangouts, pounding back a few ol’ El Millerlitos, when this damn CNBC show caught my eye on the table’s flat screen.  It wasn’t this particular segment, but what I bore witness to was a brain derailment.  She was pretty enough on her own (she being Carmen Wong-Ulrich, a.k.a. The Great American Mixing Pot), but what happens at the 1:10 mark persisted for what seemed like ten minutes.  At the time of the inebriation, I sat in stunned disbelief and nausea because I couldn’t tell if the camera was moving or the background.  And what’s with the insane amount of jarring cuts!

Might be fun to watch high, though…