Recognize Anybody In This Old Commercial?

Oh, you don’t?  I thought she was… and he was… oh, never mind.

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Worth 1002 Words… It’s Like Coning, But You’re Invisible And Don’t Order Soft Serve

I’ve decided that I’m not finding (or looking) for funny pictures anymore, which used to constitute Worth 1002 Words.  If I find one that works, I’ll post it.  But you know what else is Worth 1002 Words?  Some videos, like this one:

CAPTION: Value Men-Boo!

SOME ALTERNATES:

  • Chicken McScaredycats
  • Worry Flurry
  • Big OMG
  • McRibbings Return!
  • Got Served

A Handful Of… Foods I Will Never Try

I’m not an adventurous sort when it involves my taste buds… which is a terrible way to put I don’t like a lot of different foods.  So this post won’t include anything “shocking” unless you consider #4 unsettling.

Here it is!  The short list you’ve been dying for!  A Handful Of Foods I Will Never Try!

1) BANANA SPLIT

The sexual innuendos are innumerable.

What’s wrong with a banana split?  Sure, I enjoy (most) flavors of ice cream and whip cream, and though I’m no fan of cherries, they can easily be removed.  What’s wrong with a banana split?  The banana!

2) OCTOPUS

I tried to find the most appetizing presentation to be fair. This won. And lost.

I’m no fan of seafood (nor mollusks), but I have tried:

  • shrimp (gross)
  • lobster (gross)
  • escargot (not bad, but once was enough)
  • sushi (not bad – could try again)

I draw the line at octopi.  You could say it’s a Red Wings thing.

3) JELLIED PIG’S FEET

Only thing worse: Jello'd Pig's Feet

This shouldn’t be on this list because it’s obvious, and could be tied into #4, but it’s made the list because IT’S BEEN OFFERED TO ME.  IN PERSON.  AT A FRIEND’S HOME.  (When we were kids, but still…)

4) ANYTHING FROM REALITY SHOWS

See also: Survivor Chow

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist (or Joe Rogan) to deduce that I would not try anything people eat out of necessity in desolate countries and trick foreigners into eating by dubbing it a local delicacy.

(SIDENOTE: Welcome back, Fear Factor!  And Joe Rogan!)

5) McRib

The modern Halley's Comet.

Food items this has that I don’t like:

  • Barbecue sauce – check
  • Onion slices – check
  • Pickles slices – check
  • Rubbery, pressed meat product – check

Drunken Recollection… Evil Grimace

He has McDiabetes.

Okay, all you Super-Sized McFatties out there, are you ready for this?

Wait… that’s kind of the wrong way to start this post.  Kind of like how McDonald’s started Grimace out as an evil, four-armed thief…

He was introduced in 1971, and made only these two appearances as a bad guy.  For whatever reason, he was quickly converted into the purple gumdrop we all know and… are mildly nostalgic about?  But finding out about this, one night while drinking, finally shed some light on a question I’ve long battled:

If Grimace means a sharp contortion of the face expressive of pain, contempt, or disgust, why would they name the lovable oaf that?

Lovable oaf? Really?!

It’s because he started out as a… sharp contortion of the face expressive of pain, contempt, or disgust, I guess.

But I digress.  Anyone out there remember Uncle O’Grimacy?  Because for some reason, I don’t.

But this talk of Shamrock Shakes and St. Patrick’s Day gets me thinking… man, I can’t wait to do more drinking.  And drinking is what lead me to this overall discovery.

It’s the circle of life.  Or the Golden Arches of life.  Have it your way.  Oh wait, that’s the Burger King slogan, but I’m lovin’ it.

In My Brain While Sleeping… It Has To Be Better Than Crystal Pepsi, Right?

This dream happened to be a spanning, time looping dream à la Timecrimes, an interesting if not perfect Spanish film involving, um, time looping.

I was on a college campus trying to kill my other selves, contemplating the dynamics of it.  Am I the proper incarnation?  Can all the versions coexist?  Am I committing suicide if I exterminate an alternate me?  (Heavy stuff for a sleeping noggin.)

Anyexistentialism, the entire episode finished at the student center bookstore which had a McDonald’s in it.  The banner above the Golden Arches read, “Now serving Subway subs and Pepsi Golden!”

I was excited to order a Pepsi Golden, thinking it was beer.  It was just yellow Pepsi.

And in case you were wondering what it tasted like – carbonated cake batter.

pepsi_golden

DREAM INGREDIENTS: Back-to-back soccer games… and four pints of Guinness

InASense, Lost… When Food And Robots (Plus Dinosaurs And Village People) Combine

I have suddenly and not-so-inexplicably become obsessed with something from my youth.  No, it’s not the Sesame Street Playset that I accidentally won on eBay (and will be giving to my brother for his upcoming birthday – glad he doesn’t read this blog, even though I always ask him to!)

It’s even better than that:

I completely forgot about them!  And in doing research to try to find out more about the robots-in-disfries, I stumbled upon these guys and was further surprised:

Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?

Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?

McDino Changeables?  Isn’t that going a little bit too far?

But how could I ever forget this crew:

They're like the Village People of fast food.

They're like the Village People of fast food.

I don’t know what’s been going on lately other than I haven’t been drinking as much (which I wrecktified last night), so I have a hard time falling asleep (which is probably a bad thing on a whole bunch of different levels).

Whatever this nostalgia malady is all about, I hope it ends soon.

…I just bid on some McDino Changeables