In My Brain While Sleeping… Battling Princesses

A Princess I Can Get Behind

A Princess I Can Get Behind

Apparently, I’m a thirteen year old girl.  Why else would I have a dream about princesses?  Well, I could understand why I’d have a dream about princesses, but this dream… well, here it goes:

  • There were two Disney-esque princesses – Pink Dress and Light Blue Dress.
  • They were best friends since the were children, and they somehow lived in the same kingdom.  So maybe they weren’t both princesses, but I digress.
  • In their teen years, a rift grew betwixt them (like that verbiage?), and Pink was banished.  Light Blue ruled alone.
  • Pink went away and learned the art of telekinesis*.
  • When she returned to reclaim her position in the kingdom, she used her new power to easily make her way to Light Blue.
  • In the time Pink was gone, Light Blue had built up an army – an army of heavily armed soldiers.  I’m talking like SWAT team style.
  • Pink stood before Light Blue, ready to make peace or make pieces (you see, she had a sword… I should have mentioned that).
  • The soldiers surrounded Pink, ready to fire.
  • Light Blue mocked Pink, stating the futility of her efforts.  She wondered aloud if Pink could stop an onslaught of bullets…
  • Without hesitation, Pink used her telekinesis* to spin the soldiers to face each other and fire.  They dropped like flies.

And I woke up.  At least the princesses were bad asses…

*(What’s the difference between telekinesis and telepathy?  Oh!  Thanks Wikipedia!)

INGREDIENTS: A Tigers win (sniff), a Lions loss (eh), lotsa beer, a couple of burnt hot dogs, and 12 hours sleep.

princess-peach

If you happen to Google Image Search "Princess Peach" or "Princess Toadstool," please enable SafeSearch. You've been warned.

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Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? The Battle To “Turnover” A New Leaf

An explanation may be required: Coinkydink = Coincidence and Coinkydonk = Not.  Happy now?

newlionsbest

Came in second as the new team logo

The play book that was successful

The play that scored

Today the new and “improved” Detroit Lions make their debut against the Atlanta Falcons in the first game of the preseason.  Considering the Lions haven’t won a game in quiiiiite awhile, do they have it in them to win?

They haven’t won in so long that a play was produced earlier this year in Los Angeles entitled Lions.  Its plot synopsis:

It’s the 2007 NFL season and the Detroit Lions are on a winning streak — unfortunately John Waite is not. With his lifelong friends at The Tenth Ward Club, he places his hopes on his team, and attempts to escape the creeping demise of his city, and of his way of life.

If anyone remembers that season, it’s the one that started with a winning bang (8-0), peaking with the 44-7 win over the Denver Broncos, then ended with only one more win out of the eight remaining games.  And how could you forget a completely winless 2008 season?

Here’s where the Coinkydink or Coinkydonk sneaks in… former Falcon quarterback Michael Vick just signed to play for the Philadelphia Eagles, so he’s back in the news after being released from jail for underground dog fighting and animal abuse.  Both teams have some dark recent history to overcome, and in this game, who will rise to the challenge?

So is it fate?  Or just the luck of the draw?

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… A Listing Of Lists

While Paul’s out of the office and off dreaming up new lists on vacation, I thought I would play catch up.  We’ve been too busy at work (and I’m not posting my boss’ lists while I’m playing at home), so since I have a slight chance to breathe today, here we go:

Top 5 Professional Sports Moments  [Ed. – Local anyway, and without further explanation]

1.) 1997 Red Wings Stanley Cup Champs

2.) 1997 Michigan Football NCAA Champs

3.) 1989 Michigan Basketball NCAA Champs

4.) 1984 Detroit Tigers World Series Champs

5.) 2008 Detroit Lions fire Matt Millen

[Ed. – Oh yeah.  Guess where Paul went to college…]

Top Five 80’s Cartoon Theme Songs [Ed. – With explanations and video!]

1.) G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – “He’ll fight for freedom wherever there’s trouble…” (This should replace the Star Spangled Banner.)

2.) Transformers – “More than meets the eye…”  (Song seemed to be ahead of it’s time.)

3.) The Wuzzles – “Two types of fun, wrapped up and rolled… into one!” (What could be better?)

4.) M.A.S.K. – “Masked crusaders, working overtime, fighting crime.” (Song passes the time test.) [Ed. – I had to twist his arm to get this included – it’s my favorite.]

5.) Silverhawks – “Partly metal, partly real.” (Very underated show.  Plus, it has a sweet guitar solo.)

 
Top Five Stores That No Longer Exist (Now in Reverse Order) [Ed. – My favorite list so far.]

5.) The Old Ballpark – Every baseball card collector’s favorite store located in Livonia. If you wanted mint rookie cards of Alan Trammell or Lou Whitaker, this place had ’em.

4.) Great Scott, A&P, Farmer Jack (all lumped in together) – I do have the fondest memories of Great Scott, as it was our old school place to buy groceries.  [Ed. – “Old school,” as in O.G. boyee!]

3.) Highland Appliance “50 watts per channel babycake!” Oh, the memories of buying our first 27″ color tv and our first camcorder, which was VHS-C.

2.) Babbage’s (honorable mention goes to Egghead Software) – I remember browsing the shelves of hundreds of games for my 286 PC at Fairlane Mall.

1.) Children’s Palace – Heaven on Earth to all of us kids who grew up in the 80’s. Enough said. [Ed. – Also, my first job.]

Mr. Roarke Is No Moare

Ricardo Montalban, aged 88, has passed away.  He is best known for portraying Mr. Roarke on “Fantasy Island” and Khan in the second “Star Trek” film (and, of course, the original series, duh).

My lasting memory of him will remain in the form of this commercial that mixes two of my favorite things – Taco Bell and talented lions (which Detroit is in great need of):

If I had known you were still around recently, you would be greatly missed.  May you please settle for moderately missed.
Hopefully that's what's awaiting you big guy... not another you... ah, forget it

Hopefully, that's what's awaiting you, big guy... no, not another you... ah, forget it

Drunken Recollection… Things Learned Over Thanksgiving Weekend

Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone, as has all the turkey (et. al.) through me.  With this in mind, I shall impart onto you the various things that I learned over the past four days.

1) There is something called The Amazing Plant Lamp.  As the website proclaims:

The only lamp of its kind where you quickly touch the live plant to turn it on and off or hold a leaf and it works as a dimmer.

Ain’t that the bees knees!  Just stick the Amazing Plant Lamp kit in any plant and voila!

2) Raisins are forcibly put into too many things, like cinnamon bread and puddings.  I usually don’t eat any of these foods anyway, but I can relate because of how common it is for bakers to put nuts in fudge brownies (that could be taken out of context)!  Enough!  I want choices!

(SIDE NOTE: I used to like Fig Newtons as a kid because I thought it was some kind of weird tasting chocolate.  Then I learned and thus hated them.)

3) Chocotinis have zero alcohol content, despite what anyone else might claim.  My sister was pulled over for having non-working turn signals.  She was nervous and forgot her alphabet.  The cop made her do the random balance tests and the such, then he gave her a Breathalyzer test.  She blew zero.  Case closed!

4) You can break the bottom off a beer bottle with water and a hand slap.  Basically, take an empty bottle (in this case, it was Coors Light), fill it halfway with water, hold the neck in one hand, and slam the palm of your other hand on the bottle’s mouth.  The bottom drops out from the instant air pressure, I guess.  Apparently, beer has more shock absorption.

5) My cousin Steve might be a diabolical genius.  In discussing the biggest insults one man could make against another (backhanding was #3… spitting in face was #2… we didn’t go beyond what’s to follow), he declared the greatest coup, the most humiliating attack, the most degrading defeat, the biggest insult to be ever perpetrated in the world would be this – to tickle a man in front of his family.  Right in front of his wife, his children, and his dog.  Tickled to the point of tears and uncontrollable laughter.  It’s guaranteed that after the giggles were through, he’d pack up his things and walk out the door, not saying a word, not making any eye contact, swearing to himself to never return again, and all this would be understood.  Out of humiliation he’d still support the family, though thousands of miles away.  And his family could become your family.

6) As a kid, I watched WXYZ Channel 7 way more than I realized, because they had a special on about their past 60 years, and I got choked up.  Stupid nostalgia…

7) I would put that the Detroit Lions suck, but I already knew that.

JusWondering… Lions Need To Draft Cheerleaders

Another weekend has come and gone.  That means the Detroit Lions can add one more to the number on the right, notching them up to 0-11.  The road ahead looks bleak, but if the New England ButtPats can go for 16 and 0, then so can we!

But I have a theory.  It’s not full-proof, but neither is the theory of relativity… particularly when my Uncle Stan drinks full-proof whiskey on Thanksgiving.  Seriously, is he even related to me?!

Anyhooperthedetroitpistonsmascot, when the Lions use the draft picks received from the Roy Williams trade to Dallas, and the inevitable *crosses finger* first round pick from the undefeated season, I say we use them on a cheerleader squad.  At this point, I say we try anything.

First off, it will get the fans back in the seats so there are no more game day black-outs.  (Us guys are stupid this way.)  That way, it won’t matter if we win or lose.  A simulation:

One friend to another – “Ahhh, not another interception!”
Friend in return – “Hey, check out that hot POA!” 

Smiles on everyone’s face!

Second off, look what adding the Automotion to Detroit Pistons games did for them… six Conference Appearances, two Conference Titles, one Championship.  Coincidence?  (I pronounced it co-inside-ence? to be funny in my head.  Try it.)

Third off (bra-level… yay!), every other team but two has cheerleaders!  (I pronounced it teambuttwo… y’know, real fast in my head, so it sounded like Timbuktu.  For no reason.)

It’s not that every team that has cheerleaders does well, or vice versa.  (Cleveland had a good run in the late 80’s and the New York rammed the ButtPats in last years Super Bowl – and they don’t have cheerleaders.  Is it because they’d be the Brown Girls or the Giant Girls?  You be the judge.)

In closing, some suggestions for the Lions Cheerleaders name, besides simply that or the Lionesses:

  • The Lions Down
  • The Always Lions
  • The Assembly Lions
  • The Lions Around Unemployed
  • The Running Game
  • The Lost Hope… or The Last Hope
  • The Pipe Dreams
  • The Who Cars Anymore?
I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita, and as I continue you know they're getting sweeter

I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita, and as I continue you know they're getting sweeter