In My Brain While Sleeping… Lily Allen, Free Tickets, And The Chinese Restaurant

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So long as I’ve been following her on Twitter (I made it at least a few posts without bringing the micro-blogger up), Lily Allen has been playing a little game with her fans.  Every town she visits, she hides tickets and Tweets cryptic clues to their locations.

I’ve already dreamed in Twitter.  The next step was this:

When the British songstress visited Detroit, I tried figuring out the hints, but I didn’t bother searching.  My dream changed all that.

I was in a Chinese restaurant downtown near the casinos.  What’s funny is I don’t know if there are any Chinese restaurants there, and I certainly don’t eat Chinese (I stick to the basics of pizza and Pop Tarts, thanks).

Anywok, for some reason I was the host of said establishment, and there was a short girl with long black hair blocking her face.  She was hanging out in the waiting area, and she kept looking in at me, even though she didn’t have a reservation. 

Eventually, I realized that she was looking at my podium, and I headed to the front to see what all the fuss was about.  There were two blue tickets taped to the wood grain.  They weren’t official looking or anything.  It was as if they were made in Print Shop or something.

(Not So) Artistic Representation

(Not So) Artistic Representation

I peeled them off and Lily Allen rushed toward me, moving the hair from her face.  “Congratulations!” she said with her cute accent.  And no one in the place budged.

Disappointed with the dining crowd’s reaction, I shouted, “Free computers are hidden all over Greektown!”  Everyone leaped to their feet and dispersed, ditching their bills to do so.  I was fired on the spot, but it didn’t matter… not the way Lily was looking at me.

“Howzabout we skip me concert and go for a stroll,” she said.  And we did.

INGREDIENTS: Too much Twitter… and Jellybean Nerds.

Drunken Recollection… Flying Bags, Trashing Toilets, Saving Bathrooms, And Other Weird Thoughts

Sometimes things you enjoy can get ruined by the mere fact that someone points out the obvious to you, well-enough is not left alone, or something becomes cliché about it.  Examples:

  • One episode of South Park lampooned Family Guy and pointed out the show makes pointless jokes that have no basis or bearing on the plot.  It sounds highbrow, but it ruined Family Guy for me.
  • Matrix 2 and 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3, and Star Wars Episodes 1-3 all turned the awesome originals into tripe.  What wonders the first works brought us were repeated and retreaded until the wonder was no more.  The signs of forward thinking creativity became watered down to levels of… luck.
  • Don’t get me started on using famous songs in commercials.  Too late.  I’d give anything in the world to NOT think of KFC when I hear Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama”… but alas, that’s not to be.  The classic Southern rock anthem is now an unfortunate cliché.

The reason I bring this all up is fuck American Beauty.  Especially this scene:

Why do I have such disdain for this sequence?  It’s not that I hate it… at all.  It’s that I quite actually agree with it wholeheartedly.  I’m the type of person that likes to look up at the clouds every now and again and feel small.  I enjoy remembering my minuscule place in the universe that I share with the floating grocery store bags and the tumbling cardboard containers blowing in the wind.  What makes me mad is that I liked paying attention to the things too many people ignore before the movie came out (ten whole years ago), and when I do so now, I feel like a cliché because I’m reminded of that movie.

I thought of that on the way to the bar before soccer last night, and I needed to get that off my chest.  On to the Drunken Recollection!

SIDENOTE: Does it bring anyone else extreme amounts of joy to see toilets being discarded on the curbside?  Oh, the stories they could tell.  And it looks so juxtaposed with its surroundings.  Can you imagine being the garbage man that has to hoist the porcelain throne into his compactor?   I tried to Google Image Search “toilets being thrown out” for additional laughs, but all that showed up were pictures of Lily Allen. Weird.

Once at the bar, time constrained nicely between basketball and soccer, I had to save yet another restroom from flooding.  What’s up with people not being able to turn off faucets!?!  Have we gone numb?

Anyway, a few topics of interest came up that I thought I’d share:

  • My (possibly brilliant, or perhaps stranger than I) cousin Steve brought up the suggestion that adults should start referring to their age in months as opposed to years.  It’s more specific, it sounds impressive the older you get, and it gives clues to your birthday… that is if you’re good at math and know your times table.  Just remember, you have to be older than 252 months to drink and older than 216 months to vote, see Rated R movies, and be considered “legal.”
  • I was reminded of an old daydream I used to have where people kept growing the older they got, so you’d have to have bigger homes and bigger cars and bigger clothes and bigger factories to make all those big things.  Nobody could lie about their age or get Botox or plastic surgery to stay small.  And even if you were fifty, your seventy year old parents could still pick you up if they needed to, or you had a bad day and wanted to be nuzzled.  (I’m probably stranger than Steve, hands down.)
  • Do celebrities have insurance?  Do movie stars walk around with Blue Cross cards or Medicaid, or do they simply pay cash?  Maybe they get comped like with stores and restaurants.  “Hey, guess where Angelina and Brad went when they got the flu?  Kaiser Permanente.”  “Man, I wanna go there, too!”  I could research this further, but I only really cared about it last night.

JusWondering… Flooded Bathrooms, Head Sizes, Spasms, And Dirty Words?

Just some things I’ve been thinking about the last 24 hours:

  • At the bar last night, someone left a faucet running.  It filled the sink and started flooding the floor.  I turned it off and alerted the waitstaff.  The waitress’ response, “Not again.”  This made me wonder: Are we so used to automatic water faucets that we don’t remember how to use the old ones?
Now... you grab what and pump how again?

Now... you grab what and pump how again?

  • I get an occasional twitch in my left thigh where my cell phone usually hangs around.  Should I change the pocket I carry my cell phone in?
  • I used to be pretty good at math, and I’ve always loved board games.  People used to tell me I should have went into statistics, but I thought that would have been boring.  Maybe I should have invented some new kind of puzzle game.
  • Brit pop star Lily Allen has a new CD out.  Kevin Smith’s latest movie just came out on DVD.  While I was at Target, I looked at the back of Lily’s CD and saw that she had a song called “Fuck You,” clear as day on the back.  Yet, Zack and Miri couldn’t have Make a Porno on it.  So a “Fuck You” on your back is better than a “Porno” on your front?
    "What's a p****, mom?" "A p**** is a video of people fucking, honey."

    "What's a p****, mom?" "A p**** is a video of people fucking, honey."

  • This song I heard on the radio last night as I was driving home reminded me of discovering new music in my college years:
  • Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist would have been better if Nick and Norah’s heads were in proportion to each other.  I’m not sure if Michael Cera’s head is too small or Kat Dennings’ chest head is too big.  (I’m thinking the prior.)
    Made me not-so-afraid of NYC... I watch too many 70's movies.

    Made me not-so-afraid of NYC... I've seen too many 70's movies.

Meh Find… Lily Allen’s Womanizer

This one’s not quite so much a Happy Find as Meh Find.  Damn this song for getting stuck in my head in the first place, and damn it again for getting remade into something more tolerable.  It’s like getting a butterknife stuck in my head as opposed to a mace.  (via IDLYITW)

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