Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Laid An Egg
I’m having a post-Christmas meltdown at work today. It’s like acid-reflux of the soul. To express how bad I feel, I present… the worst moments in “Batman & Robin”:
life
Drunken Recollection… That’s About Right For A Detroit Joint
Last night was a night spent in three four bars, and it kept me sleeping until 5pm today.
Some highlights:
- First stop was the Bronx Bar, a Detroit hole-in-the-wall down near Wayne State University. My sisters wanted to visit an old friend. They chatted while “Poison” played on the jukebox. BBD’s song, not the group. “Crazy” also played. Not Britney Spears… Patsy Cline. That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
- Second stop was the Magic Stick. There was a concert going on upstairs, so we stayed on the main floor and saw a show of our own. It probably made as much sense as the punk bands upstairs might, but here’s what it involved: a man with a big beard, a woman with only her bra on, a skinny kid with his shirt off, and another skinny girl holding her bloody nose. They came out of the bowling area and swept through the place until security escorted them out. They actually tried to come back later. We met up with my cousin Liz who was there to see the show on the second floor. Some of my sisters’ friends that are getting married next year dropped in (congrats again Beth and Ben), and another of Tammie’s friends from grade school was hanging out with his friends (hey P-funk). A stranger drew pictures of us in green crayon on the back of concert flyers. My sister, Tammie, ordered some pizza. I quizzed her on the latest Killers song that was playing. Becky and I drank 24 oz. beers. We wondered why the word dapper isn’t used more. That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
- Third stop lead us into Greektown, across from the casino, to The Well. Tammie’s other old friend, Joe, was down there with his crew. Some girls were dancing on the bar. The DJ was right behind us playing T.I. The area we were in was about 12’x12′. They flashed the lights at about 1:45am for last call. We all finished our drinks and headed next door to…
- The Baltimore, our final stop. We ran into a family member we haven’t seen for years. Tears were spilled over some more beers. Becky took forever putting all our numbers in our cousin’s phone. The music playing was Journey or some other 80’s band. A half hour or so later, we all departed into the winter rain. We bid our farewells and journeyed home. That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
Laziness Springs/Summers Eternal In The Winter
As I was finally shovelling the snow in front of my house today, two people commented on it. (SIDENOTE: I probably would not have cleared the walkways if it was not 54° outside somehow,as opposed to, say, -8°.)
The first was a neighborhood kid from across the street that always beats the ever-living shit out of my door and doorbell when he wants to shovel the snow or cut my grass. This is a routine we share because if I do answer, I tell him, “no, I’m gonna do it” (and usually don’t), or I don’t answer at all due to hangover/overall laziness. I had dreams of making perpetual use of his services a few years back. It was a world where I never had to pull out the mower or shovel ever again, but he blew it by not doing that great of a job. (Two caveats: I did pay him $10 before I left, and it was the second snowfall on top of ice, but still…)
Today, he started with, “Need help?”
“No, I’m gonna do it.”
Then he followed with, “Don’t you think it’s a little late to shovel now?”
To which I snapped back, “At least it’s getting done.” If I had faith the temperature would have melted it all, I wouldn’t have put forth the effort, but it is Michigan.
The second encounter I had was with the mail carrier, and it was because of her I was doing this at all.
“A little late, aren’t you?” she started. It has been over a week since the snow fell twice and turned to ice. “You get my letter?” Every year, the mail carrier and I also share a dance – I wait for the snow to melt; the mail carrier gives me form letters telling me to shovel my snow before it melts.
“It always melts after the snowfall. This one just took a little longer to happen.”
She gave me a look as she gave me the mail.
“It’s a weird day. I could be shovelling snow in shorts.”
“I’ll take this weather anytime.”
I wished her a Happy New Year’s and we made peace. At least ’til the next snow fall.
P.S. …I think I’m going to start having deliveries come to my office in the new year.
Neither rain nor hail nor sleet nor Jedi...
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 