Awful Battle… Crappy Movie Endings That Are (Surprise!) Crappy

It’s been said that a movie’s ending will make or break it.  In the case of these films, they were already broken, so the finales bring it on home.

AWFUL BATTLE… ACTION!

American Anthem

Don’t let the pectacular stud on the poster fool you, this ending is full of non-sequiturs.  Apparently, this film featured like 100 characters and required as many asides, glances, and incidents of closure.  Don’t believe me about the amount of reaction shots?  Look out for:

  • the creepy coach with dentures
  • moustached gymnasts
  • a mentally-challenged (?) wolfman-ish brother (?)
  • an 80’s rocker girl
  • Ocean Spray logos
  • smoking hands
  • the bad kid from Karate Kid
  • a Santa Claus biker with his child sidekick
  • lots of thumbs-ups
  • the return of an absentee (possibly recovering alcoholic) father
  • flashing lights
  • an army of gay bikers
  • Mary Lou Retton (?)
  • Little Orphan Annie
american_anthem

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Locusts

Made for CBS in 2005, at first viewing, you would think this film was intending to be a tongue-in-cheek comedy.  According to iMDB IMDb, these are the categories it falls under:

Action | Sci-Fi | Horror | Drama | Thriller

With scenes like this it’s hard to believe, but with an ending like the one below, I’m thinking IMDb is full of kidders.

locusts

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R.O.T.O.R.

What can I add to the splendor of the horror that is this inept piece of cinema.  Oh yeah.  R.O.T.O.R. stands for: Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research.  The flick’s poster is more robotic than the robot in the film, and it’s made of paper.

rotor_poster

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Student Confidential

This one already made it’s way around the TripleDoubleU, but it has to be included in this Awful Battle.  Creepy must hang in the air around any of the Jackson family… in this case, it’s Michael’s brother, Marlon.

studentconfidential

You Know What To Do

Happy Find… Hypnotic Videos

I am so mad right now (despite this being a Happy Find). 

I hope that most of you have seen it already, but I really, really, really wanted to post a video called She’s a Talker, but the guy who put it on YouTube has since taken it down.  Basically, it was 73 different (allegedly) gay men brushing their pet cats and saying – what else – “She’s a talker.”  It was hypnotic more than funny (well, actually, more than halfway through when you realize how many guys are doing and saying the exact same thing, it becomes humorous). 

But anywhiskers, here was my planned lead-in hypnotic video (and yes, that’s Lynn Redgrave, Mindy Cohn, and Ruth Buzzi… I don’t know how I kept my pants on):

(via Everything is Terrible, my new favorite blog)

BONUS NOSTALGIC ELECTRONIC HYPNOTIC SWIRL 

(via Hipster Runoff, my always favorite blog):

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