The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Filmmaker Chris Columbus

I know he created you, but he also wrote "Christmas with the Kranks"

I know he created you, but he also wrote "Christmas with the Kranks"

As a child, my list of favorite films was simple and current.  There were the easy ones: Star Wars, E.T., Back to the Future, and Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Some of the others… not so easy: Gremlins, The Goonies, and Adventures in Babysitting.

What do those works have in common?

Who has two thumbs and loves Beth Cooper? Not too many movie goers, I'd say.

Who has two thumbs and loves Beth Cooper? Not too many movie goers, I'd say.

Steven Spielberg’s protégè, nay, discovery (hah!),  Chris Columbus wrote Gremlins and The Goonies, and directed Adventures in Babysitting.  For me, he could do no wrong, and let’s be honest: as kids, our taste is horrible.  But I feel all three of these films have stood the test of time.  Some of his other works?  Eh, not so much:

  • Young Sherlock Holmes (noted as the first film with an entirely CG character)
  • Heartbreak Hotel (a kid kidnaps Elvis… anyone else but me remember this?)
  • Only the Lonely (made me thankful I wasn’t a mama’s boy… sorry mama)

Now grant it – he had other hits through the 90’s: Home Alone 1 & 2, Mrs. Doubtfire, and, um, Nine Months?  Jingle All the Way?  Stepmom?  Bicentennial Man?

And to most Potter fans, he directed the weakest films in the series (Harry Potter and the Stuff in the First Movie and Harry Potter Rides Again), but I don’t watch those films, so I don’t hold it against him.

Like his compatriots I will be attacking in future The Shit to Just Shitty’s, it’s about the fall from what imagination, vision, and drive they once exhibited, to the money grubbing, the disillusionment, or the detachment from the public they display in recent works.  Is it the state of the studio system?  Is it the movie going public’s demands?  I offer no answers, only martyrs.

Here’s hoping *hold your breath* *cross your fingers* Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (that’s the title folks), contains some of the gritty charm of his earlier works, and not the glossy finish of his latest offerings:

Hrm.  Looks glossy…

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Fall Out Boy Should Have Pulled Out Quicker

No, they named him Mowgli, not Mogwai...

No, they named him Mowgli, not Mogwai...

Guinness World Record-breaker, Pete Wentz, and coattail-rider turned family meal-ticket, Ashlee Simpson (I almost spelled it Ashley… heavenstamergatroid!), have given birth to something they named Bronx Mowgli Wentz.

There’s one of two ways I can go with this, so I’ll go with both.

  1. People can type Bronx Mowgli Wentz to test their typewriter.  Ha!  Y’know… like The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.  No… um… then how about…
  2. Bronx Mowgli Wentz?  That’s an anagram of what Pete likes to do when he’s in Germany – Blow Next Zing Worm.  Hey-o!

Ah, whatever.  Congrats you two (because I know in my heart of hearts they are going to find this little blog and be heartbroken if I don’t say so)… and also, please stop reproducing!

A Pathname Less Traveled Is Less Traveled For A Reason

So let me get this straight... you cannot even drink beer?

So let me get this straight... you cannot even drink beer?

You know what… I’m kind of digging this blog thing.  I’m thinking about asking my site if she wants to go steady.  I already have the promise ring, and my letter sweater is sure to keep her warm on cold nights when we go walking in the moonlight, my arm over her shoulder, my hand feeling her up.  And I’m serious about it too.  How can I prove it?  These are some sites I wanted to start, but I’m cutting off communication with them immediately, even though I heard they do put out on the first post:

Site: DiatribalDance.com
Slogan: Another Way of Saying Hissy Fit
Purpose: An outlet to bitch and moan about things other people quite frankly could care less about. I’ve decided that’s what this site is for.  And I’m sure you could care less.

Site: AppleJuiceStains.com
Slogan: Porn Reviews In Fifteen Minute Intervals
Purpose: To make money… and have an excuse for watching a ton of porn.  The reason why I abandoned this concept is simple – I didn’t want to embark down that path.  That path being having to watch the entire DVD.

Site: NoonAtNight.com
Slogan: Munching at Midnight like a Mischievous Mogwai
Purpose: Who the hell knows?  But isn’t Gizmo so cute?