Pre-Drunken Recollection… Strange Things Are Afoot At Target

"You had me at logo"

"You had me at logo"

On a mission to get some essentials post-soccer and pre-impromptu bar session, I stopped into the Target I used to work at AKA the Center of My Universe.  Here’s a breakdown of all things odd that occurred in a very short visit:

  • Being adorned in leftover soccer attire, I entered the store and found a young lady that appeared to be wearing full soccer attire.  I witnessed a too tight yellow t-shirt, way too small black biker shorts, and sock covered shin guards black faux leather boots to her knees.  Her mother was with her and didn’t stop her from leaving the house.  This was just the beginning.
  • I ran into my cousins’ aunt and uncle and they warned me about someone they had passed that I was about to run into.  I won’t spoil the upcoming surprise, but I warned them of The Boots.
  • Yes, the man did look like he was wearing underwear as pants.  Gray boxer-briefs, more specifically.
  • Moving forward, I saw one of my friends helping an old lady in one of the aisles, but she didn’t see me.  I proceeded to linger at the end cap, banging things on the shelf intermittently, doing the same in the next aisle.  No response.
  • A mother passed by with her tween son and daughter and shunned the son with the phrase: “Here’s the stinky man aisle.”  She abandoned him, and his sister waited to mock him as he set out to pick out his first deodorant in shame.  I paused from pounding products and considered helping him – I didn’t.  He went for the cheap stuff on sale and ran out into the main aisle as his mother returned.  They rejoined the father that happened to be the MAN IN THE UNDERWEAR.
  • Tired of embarrassing myself by making a small scene to get my friend to stop talking to the needy old lady, I rounded the corner on the opposite end facing her.  I realized the lady was inquiring about lady shaving products.  Specifically bikini area hair removers.  My friend looked captured, but upon seeing me, finally excused herself.

Oh Target, you complete me.

I Am Not An Addict, And I’m Not Denying It (I’m Curious, Is All)

So this is the second time today I’ve experienced the extreme need of getting to my computer.  It may be an early sign of addiction, but I’m not denying it, so there! 

 During the drive home, on the radio, David Bowie and Queen’s Under Pressure played away, and I actually listened to the entire thing and enjoyed it thoroughly.

What’s the big deal? you might think, or I can’t believe you actually did that! or What’s the B.F.D. you addict!?

Well, here’s Part One of why I needed to get home – I used to hate that song.  I despised it to the core.  I don’t know if it was Vanilla Ice’sliberal borrowing of the back beat for his horrendous tune or David Bowie’s lavish oddness and his affinity for the indulgent, but it was a station changer for sure.

Part Two of why I needed my num-num (laptop) – it made me extremely happy hearing it, and I needed to know why.  I don’t even know if it’s supposed to be a happy song, or what any of its lyrics are.  I decided that it must have reminded me of something I liked so much that all of my past transgressions against the song faded away.

Courtesy of the wonders of the TripleDoubleU, voila!  (I’m so embarrassed, btw…)