InASense, Lost… A Pole Dancer Doll? I Give Up

Put a fork in me.  I’m done.  No seriously.  I’m totally cooked in inside, or roasted, or toasted, or melty gooey.  Forget the fork; get a pitchfork. 

Even though it’s not available here (although lest we forget, we still have Bratz Dolls… go hourglass figure), this still exists in the world:

pole_dance_doll

Are the coke habit and bastard child being watched by mom sold separately?

Naive me first thought that the doll might be this kind of Poll Dancer: 

polldancer

"I'm taking a survey... It'll cost you $1 per answer."

Even if it’s culturally insensitive (but it’s okay to say because I am one), this would have been an acceptable Pole Dancer toy: 

poledancer

The Polish are good at four things: dancing, drinking, and counting.

I mean, with that doll existing, what’s the worst that could happen? 

babypoledance

Are there enough pitchforks to go-go around?

InASense, Lost… Dolls That Get Breastfed? Whatever Happened To Dolls That Just Pooped?

I suppose on some level, this was inevitable:

Mattel and Hasbro are chomping at the bit

Mattel and Hasbro are chomping at the tit, I mean, bit

Spain has introduced the world to Bebé Glotón (Gluttonous Baby), the, um, world’s first breastfeeding doll.  Sold in Europe for 44 Euros (about $63 here), it’s priced at almost double that amount on eBay, and that got me wondering… would Americans be willing to pay so much for such a product?  Who better to check in with than some Texans (because everything’s bigger there and we’ve been repeatedly told not to mess with them):

Hrm… that was fairly balanced and forthright.  But I like my stirring pot a bit meatier, so take it away Fox News (and very low-cut bloused, healthily-bosomed lady right there at the 0:04 mark… her genius is further exposed at the 1:54 mark):

YES!  Feel the uproariousness amidst the silliness!  I’ve already been “outraged” by stripper shoes for babies!  What’s next?  Umbilical cord piercings?  Toddler thongs?!  (Can I even type these things?)

If I’m gone tomorrow, know that I couldn’t type those things.  Or I started an umbilical cord piercing business…

(via Feministing)