deep impact

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Both Of These Vampire Spoofs May Suck

Posted on by sgottahurt

Just for clarification: Coinkydink = yes, it’s a coincidence.  Coinkydonk = no, that sh– is on purpose.

I’m a fan of the old days when spoofs were actually quality works, and a noble genre in it’s own right.  Early Mel Brooks and Zucker Brothersfilms are often sited as classics, but lest we not forget, um, nope, there’s nobody else.  Satire is a dying form, mostly because it requires intelligence blah blah blah highbrow chitter-chatter… onto the jokes, man.  No seriously, I have never seen a joke on this blog since it started last October.

So speaking of October and spoofs, what about comedy-horror films?  For every Young Frankenstein, there’s a Love at First Bite.  For every Transylvania 6-5000, there’s a Dracula: Dead and Loving It.  For every Saturday the 14th, there’s a Saturday the 14th Strikes Back.  And for every Scream, there’s more than enough Scary Movies.

So now we have two more vampire-themed “comedies” heading our way, and it’s Round 189 in “Hollywood’s Run Out Of Ideas So Let’s Make Two Versions Of The Same Movie And Have Them Compete Against Each Other.” 

Examples of previous rounds:

  • Paul Blart: Mall Cop / Observe and Report
  • Armageddon / Deep Impact
  • Volcano / Dante’s Peak
  • Madagascar / The Wild
  • The Truman Show / Ed TV
  • A Bug’s Life / Antz
  • The Prestige / The Illusionist
  • Tombstone / Wyatt Earp

The latest entries to the list are Transylmania and Stan Helsing (srsly).  Here are their trailers:

The Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk-nesscomes down to this simple question: Do studios release similar movies against each other on accident (dink!) or on purpose (donk!)?

In My Brain While Sleeping… So Long, Tiny Zebra And Tiny Cougar, I Will Miss You

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know of any better way to convey this oddity of a dream that stuck with me.  So here it is chronologically.  Now with 100% more pictures!

cruisecopter

I started off on a cruise ship that went to an island (of course), and I took a helicopter out to sea.

 

 

Dramatization (not an actual plier-mouthed porpoise)

Dramatization (not an actual plier-mouthed porpoise)

And because I was afraid of heights (from being in the helicopter), I jumped into ocean, hitched on ride on tandem jet ski, and saw huge porpoises with wrench-like teeth and giant dolphins leaping  over row boats and other jet skis.

 

 

 

 

simplemathOnce I reached dry land found, I found a tiny zebra and a tiny cougar (both were pocket-sized).

 

deepimpactI carried them around we me (in my pockets, natch) until I witnessed a tsunami coming ashore from opposite directions.

 

bedpanThen it suddenly turned into “real life” and I was at one of my company’s clients that sells medical equipment.  I gave my tiny zebra and my tiny cougar to their employees, so they could be cared for.

 

 

hamburgerdressI ended up finding out that the medical supplier had started manufacturing meat products out of zebras and cougars in general, so I narc’d reported them to the authorities.  

 

 

 

roadkillI thought they were marketing the meat as ‘hamburger,’ but in fact, they were selling it as ‘wild game’ to a restaurant near my office.

 

 

INGREDIENTS: Jellybean Nerds and Mountain Dew