(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Subtle Christian-Approved 80’s Songs

Holy crap!  We’ve been busy at work, so my boss/friend Paul has been unable to make a new list, despite my pestering and bugging.  So in honor of the “Holy Crapness” of this event, allow me to present:

Top 5 Subtle Christian-Approved Songs of the 80’s

5) Maneater – Hall & Oates
Sample Line: “Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up!”
Christian-Approved Message: You couldn’t get anymore anti-oral sex than this song.  Missionary only, please.  (After marriage, of course…)

4) Keep Your Hands to Yourself – The Georgia Satellites
Sample Line: “No huggin’, no kissin’, until you make me your wife.”
Christian-Approved Message: This song should appeal to the abstinence-only crowd (hello, Jonas Brothers), as well as explain the shotgun weddings found often in the South (hello, Miley Cyrus).

3) We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off – Jermaine Stewart
Sample Line: (see title)
Christian-Approved Message: Another abstinence-only song.  Girls are throwing themselves at him, and he is telling them, “No thanks, let’s just dance and drink some cherry wine.”  He’s either very religious, or very gay… or both.  (There might be openings at the monastery.)

2) Papa Don’t Preach – Madonna
Sample Line: “I’m gonna keep my baby… mmm…
Christian-Approved Message: While the fact that Madonna is singing about getting knocked up out of wedlock might not sit well with the religious right, the fact that she is going to keep my her baby and get married to the boyfriend has to appeal to the pro-life movement.  (And the messages of songs #3 and #4…)

1) You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
Sample Line: “Yeah you… shook me… all… night… long.”
Christian-Approved Message: Unbeknowest to most people, this song is actually about a female demon that is exorcised.  (Or is it exercised?)

Who I always "Maneater" was about...

Whom I always thought "Maneater" was about...

Drunken Recollection… Supercalifrag-Religion-Expialidocious

Religion would not seem to be a great topic of conversation while imbibing libations, but in my group of friends… well, you can only tell so many bathroom horror stories.

Since all of us (pretty much) were born and raised Catholics, all of us (pretty much) are no longer.  So topics about what we are, where we’ll go, and how many blue cars there are come up often.  One of the common ones – which bands are religious and claim/pretend not to be.

Recently, it was brought up about this band, and this album, and the song Shine:

Whoa... heaven let your light shine down.

Whoa... heaven let your light shine down.

Does it mean they are religious?  Quite the opposite.  From their Wikipedia page:

Ed Roland was reading Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead and came across the phrase “collection of souls.” Although author Ayn Rand actually uses the phrase in a negative connotation, using the “collective soul” as a threat to the main character’s sense of individualism, Ed is quick to point out, “…we’re not preaching Ayn Rand, objectivism, egoism, or anything…we just dug the name…” and “it [the band’s name] could’ve come out of a Motorcycle Magazine.”

There have been other bands we’ve accused, such as Vertical Horizon (because their name describes a cross, but they seem like a basic college band), The Fray (made up of non-proselytizing Christians), Lifehouse (started as Christian band called Blyss, but they’re no longer that way) , and Switchfoot (name comes from surfing, but they have played Christian rock concerts).  It’s interesting that none of them claim to be 100% Christian Rock bands (because how else could they sell to the masses, so to speak).

I just think they’re afraid to be associated with this kind of stuff:

(via the incredible Everything is Terrible)

And in the same way, could I say I enjoyed their music if they were considered CCM (Contempory Christian Music)?

F OSU... Y not YMCA?

Why OHIO? Why not YMCA?