audrina patridge

In My Brain While Sleeping… New Reality Show

Posted on by sgottahurt

I think I watch too much TV. I know I watch too much TV.  So this means I dream a lot about TV.  As for improvised drug use… not so much.  But that doesn’t mean any such acts are off-limits in the subconscious.

(SIDENOTE: What unfortunately seems to be off-limits is anything above a PG-13 rating.)

So anyVH1, I recently had a dream involving these three reality stars:

Kourtney Kardashian - Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi - Audrina Patridge

And we were just hanging out at a night club doing whip-its (not to be confused with whipping hair).  That’s it.  Nothing provocative.  I’m just using this to illustrate my boob tube influenced brain.

Which brings me to the actual point of this post… I can’t believe there isn’t a reality show called The Dog Walkers.

In one of my dreams, the show existed, and it took place in different cities, like The Real Housewives, or MLB games.  But whereas this as a show might get boring:

How many are named Sparky?

This never will:

"Hold it 'til we get home. I forgot to bring bags!"

One more for prosperity:

It's because he can't see, you see.

Happy Find… Jimmy Fallon’s “7th Floor West”

Posted on by sgottahurt

Tonight is the sixth season premiere of The Hills, and I hate to admit this but the show fascinates me.

It’s not like a car wreck or guilty pleasure kind of thing… The best analogy I can think of is that it’s hypnotic like a campfire.

You watch the flames move around without rhyme, reason, or purpose, sucking in the oxygen, destroying that from which it springs.  When two logs strike each other, sparks fly.  It makes you feel warm and fuzzy because you know you’re safe, and far from burning in the random pointlessness of the hot embers.  You enjoy marshmallows on chocolate in between graham crackers.

That’s exactly what watching The Hills is like.

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more about “Hulu – Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: …“, posted with vodpod

And that’s the very essence that Late Night With Jimmy Fallon captures in their spoof series, 7th Floor West.  So grab some mini marshmallows and a box of Teddy Grahams and click the image to link to the campyfire that is Jimmy Fallon’s 7th Floor West (all the episodes):

Jimmy and ZOMG! He's with Whitney Port from "The City"!

Jimmy and ZOMG! He's with Whitney Port from "The City"!

All I Want For Christmas Is… Heidi Montag To Get Divorced… I Think

Posted on by sgottahurt

 
16341PCN_montag
Is this what Nickelodeon meant by salute your shorts?
Here’s the sitch…

There once was a girl back in high school that straight-up annoyed the piss out of me.  She was in a handful of classes, she was on pom, and again – her voice, her slouch, and her demeanor grated on me.  So of course I developed a crush on her.  Call it “thin line between love and hate”… I call it dysfunctional.  And I’m afraid the same thing is happening with Heidi Montag… I think.  It’s all so confusing this thing called love lust indifference love.

Let me say this: I-should-not-know-who-this-person-is.  I should not know the names Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge (when she has NSFW pix like this and this it’s hard not to), and Spencer Pratt because I do not watch MTV.  I am not “The Hills” target audience, yet I read blogs with similar sentiments about the cast and show, and lo and behold – I’m savvy.

Why do you taunt me?

Is this how she sleeps? Uncomfortable...

So I guess what I’m asking Santa for a divorce proceeding between my dear sweet Heidi and that douchenozzle, Spencer.  By the time the paperwork’s filed, I may no longer want to be with her, but at least she’ll be available if I change my mind.  Bonus: she’ll be free of the douchenozzle.

P.S. Does she do anything other than hang out in a bikini?  The answer is yes – she sings in a bikini, too.

(SIDENOTE: Heidi, I could have directed a video at least TWICE as good as your boy did.)